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Thank You, Now I know were not alone

Started by Things happens, April 05, 2015, 11:58:46 pm

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luise.volta

It took me ages to learn that 'worry and heartsick' were choices I made based on my own expectations. I thought they were reasonable and I didn't allow for the paths chosen by others that guaranteed my expectations would never be fulfilled. My views of all of it are hindsight and my peace of mind and joy have been hard earned. Sending hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

lrubyhumbird

My expectations were for my DS to be Decent human being. I find him selfish and self centered..Ungrateful.. I thought I raised him right. Why are these children so ungrateful? I loved my parents and would never consider such behavior regarding my parents. I am very offended. This generation of kids are truly self absorbed!

luise.volta

Asking why is often useless for me and just keeps everything in place. I thought for a long time that if I could just understand why...I could fix it. Or that understanding it would be the foundation of acceptance. One of the things that came out of my experience is that I found there's no sense in trying to make sense of the senseless for me. It is. That's about the size of it and I ended up opting for survival by moving on. My healing started after that. It took a long time...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

lrubyhumbird

Thanks luise for the help. Hard seeing the other side . My head needs to help my heart. It really really is painful to go through..

luise.volta

There were times when I wondered if I'd make it. That's what this Website is for, to know we aren't alone. There can be comfort it that....but not resolution. We have to do that ourselves...each one of us in our own way and in our own time frame. It just helps some of us to hold hand on our journey. More hugs.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

Yes.  I promise you I too didn't think I would survive the heartache.  Then it turned to anger.  Then it turned to heartache because I felt bad that I was angry.  Then I was angry that I got mad at myself for being angry......

You don't get to where we are overnight.  It's baby steps and one day at a time.  But the more steps you take, the easier it gets as long as you make the decision that you want to move on and be happy. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Green Thumb

Welcome to this forum and I am sorry to hear your story. I know you are in pain. This is sort of like living with an alcoholic. There are things you can do that make the situation worse, like enabling, and things you can do to make the situation eventually get better, like detaching with love. I highly suggest reading a book about having boundaries (don't have a specific title) and Life Code by Dr. Phil. These will help you see the manipulation and control issues and learn to see them before you react. Life Code helped my husband and I understand what we were going through and gave us much more emotional strength and wisdom.

My other comment is that it will help to realize your son chose this woman for a reason. Perhaps to feel wanted, perhaps to be the hero and rescue her. My best guess would be both. There is something inside your son that is at her emotional level or he would have run quickly from her. I don't mean to bash your son or upset you more, but rather shine a light on why this situation happened and why he has become passive about his wife's behavior. She meets some need he has, so you need to understand this aspect.

Sending you hugs and love and hope things get better.

lrubyhumbird

Thanks Pooh and green thumb. I appreciate the advise. Even my pastor gave me good advice..Apparently this happens more often than I ever realized. It will be his loss and one day he may come to his senses. But I am not putting myself in anymore hurtful situations. I AM DONE!

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

lrubyhumbird

July 15, 2015, 12:48:43 pm #25 Last Edit: July 15, 2015, 01:19:03 pm by luise.volta
If I didnt have my faith .. I would not be handling this well.

luise.volta

Please carefully reread our Forum Agreement. Go to our Home Page where you will find it posted for new members under Open Me First. We have women here of all faiths and some who don't have a faith. Out of respect, I don't allow any specific references to Religious or Spiritual beliefs on WWU. There are Websites that are faith oriented, if you would find that more comfortable. Thanks, Luise
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama