Author Topic: Not even 24 hours into Christmas break ...I'm ready to scream  (Read 1065 times)

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Offline Dirty Martini

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Not even 24 hours into Christmas break ...I'm ready to scream
« on: December 21, 2014, 04:31:11 PM »
So we picked DS up at airport last pm.  The usual unfolded:  We ask, he answers, otherwise...nada.   He came in the house, dished himself up a bowl of chili and went to his room.  (This was about 9 pm). 

He hasn't left his room since then.  The room that has the door shut.

Its about 7 pm here now.  Despite sending him an email around 1ish that dinner would be at 6 -- and a text  about 5 -- he's still up there.  We ate without him.  Leftovers will be in fridge.

Yet somehow .....I'm supposed to have no expectations of him as he's an adult.  Really?  Isn't he a guest in my home at this point and shouldn't I have expectations of a guest?

Look, I can adopt the "I'll be a parent and do the parent appropriate thing not for him but for me " through spring when he graduates.     

But if this keeps up......and  I survive his month at home (he goes back on Jan 15) without blowing a gasket, screaming and physically smacking him ......it will indeed be a Christmas miracle.

Just sayin...... ???


Offline Stilllearning

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Re: Not even 24 hours into Christmas break ...I'm ready to scream
« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2014, 05:15:53 PM »
I would act like he is not there.  Play your music loud, do not notify him of meals, go out and eat without asking him to go.  Make lots of plans and have a great holiday season like he is not there.  Let him sulk in his room.  It is his way of proving a point and it only works if you get upset by what he is doing. 

And don't forget.....next year you will not even have to invite him......

Just sayin'....LOL
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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Offline Pen

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Re: Not even 24 hours into Christmas break ...I'm ready to scream
« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2014, 05:42:56 PM »
I agree with SL. It will probably feel awkward but you'll get through it. I wish things were different for you, but that's what's going on right now. Don't let your DS's attitude ruin your holiday!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline Dirty Martini

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Re: Not even 24 hours into Christmas break ...I'm ready to scream
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2014, 05:50:46 PM »
So the update is I get a text from him around 720 that says "sorry I just woke up".   (Which I know isn't true based on his access and useage of the wifi.)       He affirms he has a doctor appt at 9 am tomorrow (which I inquired about via the 1 oclock email). 

Basically I said in response:  Whatever.  I'll be downstairs to take you at 820am.

So he has skulked into the kitchen and is heating up his own leftover dinner.  I'm ignoring him and watching my hockey game.

If it wasn't against  the terms of useage.....I'd call him a name that would get be reprimanded.  But I'm 56 and can control myself.    But it is taking self restraint.  ;D

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Not even 24 hours into Christmas break ...I'm ready to scream
« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2014, 06:10:04 PM »
'HOLD THAT LINE!'  :D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Stilllearning

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Re: Not even 24 hours into Christmas break ...I'm ready to scream
« Reply #5 on: December 21, 2014, 06:18:17 PM »
Someone once said (and I truly believe!) "Those who anger you control you".  Take back control of your life....don't let him make you mad.  He needs you.......not the reverse.
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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Offline Dirty Martini

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Re: Not even 24 hours into Christmas break ...I'm ready to scream
« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2014, 06:32:36 PM »
Thanks all.  My strategy right now really is this:   I'll be parent like (not parenting, just parentlike) in terms of my obligations until he graduates this spring.  I'll pay the bills, I'll show up at parents weekend in February, I'll take him to doctors appointments (if he doesn't have access to care) etc.     

I'll tell him what the family activities will be.  He can participate or not.  I won't spoon feed him, remind him, chase him, etc.    He either finds it in his choice to participate or not.  I'll try not to get angry or react regardless of his choice.

But this is really BS.  But you are all right--I wont give him the satisfaction of seeing me lose my cool over it.  ALl he'll get or see is tepid availability and moving on down the road.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Not even 24 hours into Christmas break ...I'm ready to scream
« Reply #7 on: December 21, 2014, 06:54:27 PM »
:D :D :YES!  :D :D :D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Pooh

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Re: Not even 24 hours into Christmas break ...I'm ready to scream
« Reply #8 on: December 22, 2014, 07:33:54 AM »
That a' Girl!!!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell