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Married kids - getting more difficult than easy

Started by concernmother, October 14, 2014, 11:15:18 am

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concernmother

My daughter is beautiful, hardworking, educated person with 2 kids. ( 8 and 11).
Currently, she and her husband do not talk for 2 month. He is not treating her as she deserves.
It looks like they're heading to separation.  They take turns to be with kids. However, when his turn, he just want to have fun, but she would've take care of homework and all activities with kids. And of course kids are much happier to have fun.
I have no idea what he wants from her. They used to have 'bad' times before, but lately everything seems pretty good, again from outside. 
It is very upsetting and frustrated. Kids are confused, because they do not know how to be and life in this environment.
We, as a parents, also not sure what to do.  We do not want to interfere, but we afraid for our daughter's wellbeing.  We think our son in low is a good father, but not a good husband.
He also has a bad habit of drinking, and we do not know how to deal with it. My daughter have never deal with this kind of behavior.
Advise , please





luise.volta

Hi, C. I have been thinking about your post today. It is so hard to step back when things go badly with adult children. They have so much to learn that we have already learned. We still feel like mothers because we always will...but it is their life to figure out. It was so hard for me to get that...and then follow through and let go when I knew what was wrong and what should be done and wanted to help. My heart goes out to you. Sending hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

concernmother

Thanks for your response, so you think we should not interfere and let it go?
Even if it leads to divorce?  I know my daughter sometimes can be short temper, but this is her personality, but her husband trying to change it for many years and it is not happening.
Should he accept and love her as who she is?

luise.volta

A - If I have learned one thing my long life it is that how people 'should' be is seldom how they are. Your SIL is how he is and so is your daughter. He can't change her and we can't change him. I had to let it go...it wasn't mine. The hardest part for me was see that even though my love was still alive and well, my parenting was done. My heart goes out to you...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

concernmother

Thanks, Luise for sharing your wisdom. It is hard to keep silence, when you see and know that this is wrong, but this is our experience in life. However, sometimes mistakes cannot be reversable.
and to see it's coming make you feel even worse.
But you are right, they have to go thru life and learn on their own experience.   

Pooh

It's that fine line we have to walk as parents.  Not interfering but letting them know we are there for them.

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

luise.volta

Yes, sometimes that line is nearly invisible! Thank heaven we have each other...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

PatiencePlease

How true!!  We are fortunate to have each other.  :)

Sending (((hugs))) to you Concernmother. 

Although our parenting role is complete, watching our adult children struggle is even more difficult now because it involves more than our adult child.  It involves a spouse/partner and their children too.