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Just Checking in GMom of 4 from only child, DS

Started by Footloose, September 24, 2014, 10:49:25 am

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Footloose

Hi Wonderful Women!

I have been away too long but I have read been reading updates to keep in touch on a one sided kinda way.  Life has been so full and busy!

DH and I moved in June from the SE to the NW and live on the coast of southern WA state.  We still cannot believe it and are enjoying it so much! The relationship with DS and DIL has improved as we do talk more often.  They just started contact after the new year for no apparent reason. I did not ask for an explanation, I just go with the flow. 

I will never have what I imagined in being a grandma but you know what?  Life goes on ANYWAY!

Going through this process has opened my mind to understand all of my relationships.  I find it easier to set gentle boundaries and give open and kind feedback on what I need and expect from all relationships.  I was being a bit of a door mat at work, with my siblings and with my mother. 

Personal accountability helps me be honest to my own feelings and needs.  I choose who I spend time with and teach people how to treat me, based on my words and actions and if I accept their unacceptable treatment. 

I no longer focus on how I think things SHOULD be and can better accept what I cannot change.  I can ONLY control my own actions and attitudes.  I still must remind myself of this when stresses come my way.  I can say no,  I can offer other solutions, I can go with consensus or decide to remove myself from the drama.  I can keep myself safe and protect myself from abusive interactions with others by asking for what I need and by moving on if things continue to be hurtful or negative.

Note to Self: "who put you in charge of the universe?!"  "let it BE!"

I now have emotional room and time for more positive relationships and true friendships that I was too exhausted to explore before.   

I still have down times but do not stay there long.  This forum has helped me in so many ways.  Just knowing that we are NOT ALONE was huge to me.  Time does help heal but we must change our own thought process and change the way we look at situations.

Much love, hope and respect for all of you dear sisters in motherhood!

luise.volta

FL - Wonderful to hear from you...and on such a positive note! Glad you are loving OUR Pacific NW! :-))) Sending hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

lokin4answer

Good Morning Footloose:
I too have accepted what is, and have choose to move forward.  Your words are my actions...and this forum gave me direction and comforted me in a sort of strange way, knowing others were experiencing similar situations.  I watch very little television now, and only listen to my kind of music on the radio, no facebook, and limit what I search out on the web.  I have rediscovered reading, and found some great self help books.  Media has a way of telling us how "Life Should Be", so I am choosing to ignore these messages and find my own path.  I must admit, with the upcoming holidays, little thoughts of past family gatherings and the fun we experienced creep in to haunt me, and I start to mourn that those times are over, so I then try and channel my energy else where. 

I don't think you ever completely get over the hurt caused by others, but time has a way of easing it.

Good Luck and enjoy your new digs.

Lokin4ananswer
S. W.

Pen

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb