Speaking of Facebook.....

[PatiencePlease]

This instantaneous world of social media brings challenges now and then.  S and DIL just found out she was pregnant.  I communicated my very happy congratulations and said I would keep the news "mum" until I got the green light from them to tell others.  DIL told me she wanted to keep it secret until after she saw the doctor -- appointment is a month away.

I was on cloud 9 with excitement the day they told me but I kept my word.  I spoke with family - I didn't say a word.  My MIL came to stay with us for a few days.  I hugged and kissed her and didn't breathe a word. 

Within 24 hours of getting the news, I get a text message from a family member congratulating me on becoming a grandmother-to-be!!  I then realized that S & DIL couldn't keep the news secret for more than 24 hours and they posted it on FB.  Wish they had given me a heads up.  I had to scramble to call close family members so they could hear it from me and not from social media.  No matter their age, kids can still make you crazy.  But it's all good.

I haven't been on here in ages but I think of WWU and all you wonderful ladies quite often.  S went through some challenging times but he has made a huge huge turnaround -- he grew up.  He's responsible and we are so happy for him.  He recently married a wonderful woman who has a delightful five year old son she has been raising on her own.  I thank God every single day for where he is today and for all the support I had from WWU when he was going through some really tough times.

Now that I have a DIL I'll be here reading what others experience and the wise advice that is shared.  Our relationship is in a good place and I hope to keep it there.   

((Hugs)) to all xo

[luise.volta]

P, Welcome Home! Sending hugs...

[Pooh]

Good to see you PP and congrats!  I had to smile at your FB thing because when YS/DIL were going to announce, she's  texting me going...."It's going on facebook in 3...2...1!"  That was my cue to grab her status and share it real quick so that family members would see it!  Ha ha.  I did call my Mom because they are not on FB, but all other family found out that way!  It was their news to share, so I just shared her status so it was coming from them.  DIL actually likes when I do that when she announces something because she says that makes her feel like I'm letting her do it.

[PatiencePlease]

Thank you ladies!!!  It's so good to be back here with you all. 

Pooh, you are so right - it IS their news to share.  I'm happy to help them share it.

P.S.  Luise, thank you for creating WWU.  What a gift!! 

[dedicatedmom]

I've spoken often on this site about my 3 dd's rejection since divorcing their alcoholic dad in 2009. 2 weeks ago my sister called me from Chicago to inform me my 3rd dd got engaged that weekend; she saw it on facebook. DD never called me so I called her and congratulated her and it was like talking to an acquaintance - she thanks me for calling. How does this happen when you've devoted your life to these people. All I can say is I must be a horrible person even thought I know I did everything for them and was honorable and never drank, went out with friends even, just worked and took care of them, 4 kids laundry, cooking, dishes, cleaning, fixing up their rooms, taking them to all of their events. They must think I'm ugly and disgusting and at 63 useless to them

[kate123]

Hi DM- I know what you are talking about with the "thanks for calling" thing. It's WEIRD, like you are talking to a store clerk or something along those lines. I don't understand these AC's. They have something in their mind. Something that bothers them enough to act like that. But I think many of them (from Moms here) are a bit delusional, and if that is the case there is not much to do about until they come to the realization they have not been fair to us, which may be on our death bed. I hope that is not the case with either of us but it might be. 

[dedicatedmom]

Thank you Kate123, thank you for relating to the cold responses from these AC's. I've been isolating myself and feel much better talking about this today. I go to this place of why me? I mean I had a tough childhood and I wanted theirs to be wonderful and compared to mine it was. I try to catch myself before I get a pity party on. I think Louise has mentioned here about the injustice of it all and that's what I get caught up in sometimes. I agree, I may have to wait til my death bed so I better find a way to be happy despite them. 

[luise.volta]

We give them life...and then we have to turn it over to them regarding how they live it. Very difficult! Sending hugs...

[dedicatedmom]

Expecting common respect isnt not turning their lives over to them is it?

[luise.volta]

D - My painful experience is that I'm afraid not. Looking for even the common respect given to strangers is a totally reasonable expectation from our point of view...but...our expectations are ours. No one is responsible to fulfill them. Turning our adults children's lives over to them has no caveats. Getting that was the hardest thing I have ever had to face. I was certainly a 'passable' mom and I've seen my eldest son be more respectful toward a grocery clerk he never saw before in his life. His choice.

[dedicatedmom]

Thank you so much. I'm coming to the realization that my expectations of them leads me to such disappointment. You are so right. 

[WWJD]

Expectations are just a set up for future resentment.  I have tried not to have any expectations, but as a Mom it is very difficult.  I don't expect to see or hear from my daughter for the next 5 years as she and her family are leaving for Chine in a few days. (haven't really heard from her for the last 10 years and still don't know why) I don't expect to hear a goodby.  Not expecting to be hurt by this action doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt!  I keep trying to think positive things but that to is hard.  Treat yourself well, you deserve it!!

[luise.volta]

I don't think any of us have gotten to not expecting to be hurt. I was hurt whether I expected it or not until I got to where I really did let go. It took a long time. I felt so alone and just went round and round in my head trying to make sense of the senseless. More hugs...