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Perspective Needed...

Started by OptingOut, May 16, 2014, 01:23:10 AM

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OptingOut

You could be right. I know my mother has A LOT of regrets when it comes to me. She has said that she wishes things could have been different between us. When I left home, she frantically gave me gifts and showed me love. She also cried the day I left. I know that our distant relationship saddens my mother but I need to protect myself from her.

My mother has old fashioned ideals because she is too ignorant to rise above them. She doesn't even like being my father's stupid slave, yet she tried to force me to be that way. Perhaps if she spent more time reading and less time breeding she would be a lot smarter. All my mother can talk about is shopping, babies and marriage. I know I sound terrible but I think she is a vapid fool.

What would upset you about your daughter not wanting children?

I did not really want to elope. I wanted a small wedding, however my mother made very rude comments about our wishes. She also tried to force us to have a big wedding; I deeply resented her intrusive and brash behavior. I didn't want her negative energy around my husband and I on our special day. The good thing is, my elopement taught my mother not to interfere. She finally realizes that being a meddler will only lead to her being left out. This is what my eldest brother told me. My husband and I are renewing our vows because our elopement and the aftermath were terrible. My mother is wisely staying out of the planning.

I can't say that not wanting children has nothing to do with my mother. Her abuse showed me how terrible being a mother really is. When women say that being a mother is so wonderful, I can't help but think they are lying because of my own experience. My mother was blessed with four well behaved children, but she was very vocal about the burden her kids put on her life. The resentment she had towards me in particular was palpable. She was jealous of how close I was to my father and the attention he lavished on me.

I wish that my mother never had kids. She probably would have been much happier.

Not all of my reasons for not having kids stem from my mother. I am disgusted by the idea of pregnancy and childbirth. I have no desire to deal with screaming babies and demanding children. I love my freedom. I also notice that many women feel compelled to stay in unhappy marriages because of kids and I don't ever want to find myself in that position. I want to stay with my husband because I choose to...not because I feel obligated because of children.

The door is slightly open; I agree with your suggestion. I see my parents once a month. I call my mother once or twice a week. My father has been feeling very sad about my relationship with my mother for a long time. He has told me so. I tell my dad that not wanting to be close to my mother is not an attempt to hurt him.






luise.volta

O - There is no goal here on WWU to convince anyone of anything. Or to be convinced. My take is that you have presented your circumstances clearly and your position. Many members have shared their points of view with you, so you have feedback to consider. For that reason, I am going to close this thread. Lots of pros and cons here and well worth taking a closer look at. I sincerely hope it has been helpful for you. Hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama