Author Topic: Looking for advice on future MIL  (Read 4672 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline PoppyMillie

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 15
    • View Profile
Re: Looking for advice on future MIL
« Reply #15 on: October 07, 2014, 06:37:45 AM »
I agree with Pen. I think that if MILs approach dILs the same way as they would their daughters, then there could be problems. And it is a simple case of not knowing each other too well, and not knowing how the family operates. I also think that the closer that DILIs are with their own mothers, the harder it is to establish a close bond with the MIL. The main problem I had was that I didn't need another mother, and she was too interfering. It wasn't all bad, we had his grandparents on our side, and they step in, (all 4 off them), and asked her to let us live our own life, but it didn't work. Some men should come with warning labels!

Offline PatiencePlease

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 122
    • View Profile
Re: Looking for advice on future MIL
« Reply #16 on: October 08, 2014, 01:39:16 PM »
Speaking as a recent MIL....  I am still dancing happily because I am thrilled that my kids found someone who loves them to the moon and back.  I don't agree with everything my kids are doing with their day to day lives but that's okay.  My job is done.  It's on their shoulders now. :)

Focus on your marriage.  How wonderful your fiance is so welcomed into your family.  Find peace in that and stay away from toxic behavior.  It is unfortunate that your fiance's mom does not recognize how lucky she is that her son has found "the one."  You can't control that.  But you can control how you and your fiance decide to build your lives together.

Perhaps over time your future MIL will "get it."  But maybe not.  Your compassion and support for your fiance will help you both get through whatever those times are ahead. 

And I can't help but think there's a very good reason why her daughter decided to elope....   

(((Hugs)))


Offline Pen

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4400
    • View Profile
Re: Looking for advice on future MIL
« Reply #17 on: October 09, 2014, 08:30:30 AM »
As a DIL and a MIL I realize that it's still meddling whether it's the husband's mom or the wife's mom being too involved, lol.

However, one seems to be less objectionable than the other in today's society. We mothers of sons often get criticized for behavior that is considered normal for mothers of daughters.

Sons can have a wonderful, loving FOOs that love them just as daughters do. I wish that those relationships weren't seen negatively by society. The effect on the families of sons can be devastating. I was not prepared, that's for sure!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline PatiencePlease

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 122
    • View Profile
Re: Looking for advice on future MIL
« Reply #18 on: October 09, 2014, 12:21:50 PM »
"We mothers of sons often get criticized for behavior that is considered normal for mothers of daughters."   

Pen, you are so right.  Why is it that way?  I'm bringing this to a new topic.....

Offline Stilllearning

  • Global Moderator
  • Sr. Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 467
  • Life.....never exactly what you expected!
    • View Profile
Re: Looking for advice on future MIL
« Reply #19 on: October 09, 2014, 05:23:08 PM »
For some reason we raise our sons to understand "daddy's girls"  but nowhere is there any slack given for "Mommy's boys" so if for any reason the male contacts their parents for any reason they get branded.  It is not fair.....but it is.
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown

Offline shiny

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 167
    • View Profile
Re: Looking for advice on future MIL
« Reply #20 on: October 09, 2014, 05:34:45 PM »
Pen, your comment is a billion percent correct ...

After reflecting on your first sentence, at least I can take some comfort in the fact that I don't "meddle."

FWIW,  my married AS is a strong confident man and really doesn't think his mamma can contribute much at this stage in his life. Although, it would be nice just to be asked sometime.
But I am grateful that we do have regular, yet brief, contact.