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distant, disinterested, spiteful daughter in law

Started by dez, February 08, 2014, 11:07:57 am

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luise.volta

LC - I'm with you regarding FB. I use it the same way. 8)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Cranky Pants

It's been years since I've looked at Facebook, hearing the stories of people who were hurt using electronic media was a "heads up" for me.

CP

Pooh

I'm the same.  I love Facebook but it takes much discipline.  I only see problems if I go looking for it.  DIL posts pictures of the GD I have never met pretty frequently.  I'm not friends with her but her page is public.  I can go anytime I want and see what they are up to and see pics of my GD.  So it is totally up to me if I choose to go see all of that.  I choose not to. 

We had a couple of mutual friends, so when they would post on hers, or she would post on theirs, it would show up on my wall.  So I hid those mutual friends from my wall so I don't have to see it.  You can hide anyone's posts where they don't come up on your wall.

I'm like Luise and LC, I love my pages.  I get great ideas, laughs, stories, quotes, etc.  I keep up with family that are scattered and classmates.  I love my Facebook, but here comes the blunt honesty on how I feel.  If you can't handle it and can't not be nosey, then it's better you are not on there.  I could go at any given time and look at everything she is doing and I'm sure my feelings would be hurt.  That would be my fault though for going to look.  There is enough safeguards in place that I don't ever have to see anything I don't want unless I choose to.  I guarantee you at least 50% of my friends are on there simply to be nosey to what everyone else is doing.  They never post, comment, like anything but yet every time I run into them, they remark on everything we have been doing.  We don't put family matters or personal stuff on there, but I'll post pictures of vacation and stuff, or my Scleroderma events, bike rides, etc.  They will remark on "Oh that picture of you and DH was hilarious at the waterfall!"

So I know they are just nosey nosey nosey.  If you can't interact, then your a nosey nosey in my book.  If you're using it to spy on people or go looking for trouble, then it's good you don't have an account, because it's easy to find.

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Footloose

I am too nosey. I used to get to missing them and hunt photos. That is how I got to see my last grandchild after she was born . The eldest lost his first tooth, etc...

I cannot handle it and it is OK.    So we collect friends like base ball cards and are not a allowed to look. 

Pooh

Quote from: Footloose on May 15, 2014, 06:06:01 am
So we collect friends like base ball cards and are not a allowed to look. 



Yep.  I didn't want to delete those friends, because it's not their fault that I have issues with my OS/DIL.  They have every right to be friends with them.  So I hide them so that I don't hurt those friends feelings by deleting them and then I don't see it.  I can still go to their wall and comment on their stuff because it only shows up on my wall when they comment on her stuff.  It doesn't show up on their own walls.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

confusedbyinlaws

Quote from: PFORTE on May 13, 2014, 10:36:39 pm
Thanks Confused!  I think it's hard for everyone to bridge that gap from child to adult - and some resist more than others.  Mental health problems are a different set of issues altogether - thankfully we haven't had to deal with that on a lasting basis!

Not sure if I'm allowed to post this link here.  If not, go to Youtube and listen to the song "Daughters" by John Mayer.  I think there's a lot of wisdom in the lyrics;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZLbUIa7exE

PFORTE,  I love John Mayer and love that song and I agree with you that there's a lot of wisdom in the lyrics. 

Lillycache

Fortunately.... for me...   My DIL made sure that she is not "friends" with anyone I have on  my friend list... and that includes my DS  who is her husband!   Therefore, I cannot see anything she posts or see any pictures or read plans... etc.    She must have thought she was really sticking it too me ..    hahahahah...  because I'm sure she thinks I'm just dying to know what she is doing..  Truth be known... I couldn't care less what she or her wonderful FOO is doing.     MY DS is on my friend list, and HE posts pics of the kids.  So no skin off my nose.  I can enjoy FB now and I really really do without wading through any of her stuff.