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Just wanted to say.....

Started by allthatmatters, April 04, 2014, 01:18:41 pm

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allthatmatters

Ditty, I am so very sorry for what your son and daughter in law are putting you, unless someone is toxic they should never be cut off.

While I can see your point of view and respect it I will have to disagree to a point.  I would like to give her more time but it is time I do not have.  I am gone along with my DH 12 hours a day Mon thru Fri so immediate family time is precious.  My 10 ur old DS gets alots of weekends with her and spends a entire month camping with her and his cousins, but my 2 ur old DD?  Why would I want to seperate her from me causing her emotional stress?  That time will come, she can still bond with her while we are present.  For some life revolves around all their family but for most younger couples now a days that is not the way.  We have friends that are like family that I want to spend time with, we have a huge house to take care of and we love 45 mins away. 

Adjusting ones expecting of how they think things will be makes life a lot easier for both sides.  Just because someone was raised that family is number one doesn't mean once they are grown they will agree with it and follow it.  Again everyone is different and this is just how we choose to do things.  Thank you for your opinion and I hope your son realizes soon what a wonderful mother he has.

Ditty

Dear allthatmatters,

Yes if true your poor 2 yo should be considered. Being seperated from from mommy at that age is hugely traumatic. Of course I certainly don't know your mil, but that part did stand out as odd. This post tells me more.

I'm sorry that you and your dh spend 12hours away from your children. I'm sure you're financially giving them a better life, believe me I understand, but maybe, just maybe, you're taking it out on your mil.

You said that friends are more important to you than family. While I agree that you chose your friends and not your family, you choose them because you want them to be your family.

So allthatmatters, to me, you really do seem like a lovely person. And someone that I would want to just hold, maybe, just maybe, you aren't all that and you could be wrong.

luise.volta

We always take what we want here and leave the rest. No one is right or wrong. When I was struggling with the aftershock of my elder son's death at 52, no one seemed to get it but everyone cared. My expectation was that my son and I would have more time to work things through. I had no place to put the fact that he had a great day and died in his sleep that night of a sleep apnea induced stroke.

We all handle things differently and learn different lessons. The great peace starting WWU has brought me is that I am not alone.

Sending hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

allthatmatters

April 14, 2014, 10:45:28 am #18 Last Edit: April 14, 2014, 11:23:33 am by luise.volta
Ditty, I re-read what I wrote and I never said my friend were more important what I said was I have friends that are like family to me like like my best friend whom I have known my entire life and I would like time with her too.  Family is very important but I am suppose to focus everything on my MILs needs or wants all the time?  No sorry not even my DH will do that our immediate family's  needs come first. 
It can be very hard being gone those many hours but we do it for the children's futures.  The school where we live is terrible so we transport my son to a school that requires a longer communite but is worth it for the education plus we can spend that time in the car together talking.
Now the part about I am all that?!  Where did that come from?  I admitted in my first post I came here to learn a MILs point of view and learned that I was in fact wrong where I saw controlling was in fact being wanting to be a part of our lives and I changed my point of view and adjusted.

Ditty

April 14, 2014, 11:06:29 am #19 Last Edit: April 14, 2014, 11:24:52 am by luise.volta
Wow, I was not nasty to you, having a discussion based on what you said. Sorry but I'm not a bobble head, you say something I'm going to reply. Back and forth. Discussions.

I was nice to you and understood, only asked maybe you could see.

allthatmatters

I don't believe I was nasty to you and I never said you were nasty to me.  If my reply came across as nasty my apologizes that was not my intention.  I was merely giving my feedback back on what you said and explaining myself.

luise.volta

I cleaned up the 'Oops!' Does it say above your published post, 'Modify? If not I will ask my YS/Webmaster if he can fix that.

I think we just have to be careful with our posts, that's all. Beyond that...each one of us own our interpretations. Many of us are pretty raw...if life was a 'bed of roses', we wouldn't be here.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama