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adult daughter

Started by chiara, March 18, 2014, 03:53:35 am

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I am looking for some advice. I have had a bout of severe depression and the medication I'm on makes me very tired. I can't do as much as I used to and have good and bad days, this is a long term problem and I've been told I will have to be on medication for life. I managed to bring up my children, they have done well.
I have an adult daughter who has been to stay, she brings her 2 dogs I already have 2. At the end of the stay i am exhausted and have to clear up. I was so tired this last stay, a lot of the problem is the medication as I have little energy.I am able to work part time and i need to to pay the bills.
Anyway I am now getting the silent treatment from her, this is what she does sometimes.
My health is better than it was as I just couldn't function for a while and now I have to accept limitations, but I get so very tired. I would be so grateful if any of you could advise me. After the last bout of illness the consultant said I needed support.I am 60.


Welcome Chiara.  When you get a chance, please read the posts highlighted under "Open Me First".  Nothing wrong with your post, we just ask all new members to familiarize themselves with the rules.

I'm very sorry that you deal with depression.  I have learned from personal experience with medical issues, that one of the worse things for me is stress.  It makes all my symptoms worse and makes me very tired.  So I had to learn to stay away from negative people and those that did not add value to my life.  That includes our own children if it comes to that.  I have been working to eliminate all the toxic people from my life.  Now, everyone has their moments, but I'm talking the ones that cause constant stress and negativity.

If your daughter is unwilling to help when she comes to stay, then don't let her stay with you.  If she is giving you the silent treatment, then let her.  Don't let her draw you into her games.  You can't change her but you can change how you react to her or choose to not react with her.  Start doing things that you enjoy and that make you happy.

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell


Chiara I am not sure what you are wanting advice about.  Your daughter, her dogs, your depression?  I do know that most experts believe that exercise it the best treatment for depression and most depression meds make it difficult to want to exercise.  Are you finding the energy to walk your two dogs?  Can you make yourself extend those walks?  It is going to take some will power to start out but once you get going it can build on itself. 

Another thing that helps depression is music.  Spend some time remembering your favorite songs and go hunt them up on the internet.  You can find all kinds of music on you tube.  Or you can go to my favorite music spot  where you can set up a que that plays while you pick out more songs.  If you can't dance you can at least tap your foot. 

Once you start feeling like a walk is not impossible it will be time to talk to your Dr. about scaling back on your meds.  Hopefully this will steamroll into a new and better life. 

Good luck!  Depression is a real (insert banned descriptive phrase of your choosing here) and it is tricky.  Full of bad days that you have to power through by shear force of will and a few good days when you have to push harder to get farther.  You obviously have the will power to make it to work for your part time job so you have shown you have the power to fight it and win.  Press on!  You have a cheering crew behind you here!!  You can do it!!
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown


Thank you for your kind reply. yes it is good I'm working and actually I work in music so that is my love. I think the main problem is with my daughter as I've been getting the silent treatment for years on and off, but it's best not to let it get to me.
I am managing to walk most days which is good. I must say most of the people I mix with are fine it's just my daughter!
I do hope you are ok.
Many thanks


Welcome, C. My take is that we all need support. I sure do. I am 87. The only thing that helps me to increase my energy is exercise...and it was terribly hard for me to start walking when I was too tired to move. However, I've stuck to it daily and I can't believe how my energy has increased. I don't understand how expending energy gives us energy...and know increased endorphins is part of it...but it has sure helped me. Sending hugs...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


I too have a tendency towards depression. It can spiral down if I'm not careful. I agree with the others, start by getting exercise and staying away from negative people. You are worth taking care of. (((hugs)))
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb