November 15, 2019, 10:28:52 am

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


Any Thoughts?

Started by jdtm, January 30, 2014, 06:39:59 am

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

jdtm

For years, our granddaughter has suffered from extreme anxiety - was on medication until three months ago.  She was also very close to an aunt (more so than either her mother or father or grandparents).  Last month her aunt passed away rather unexpectedly.  We expected our granddaughter to be devastated; instead, she has grown up, appears to be very self-confident, and shows no sign of anxiety.  At first, I thought that perhaps our granddaughter was "growing up" as a tribute to her aunt.  However, (I believe her aunt was suffering from BPD), I am wondering if her death has released our granddaughter from unreasonable expectations and/or demands.  Or is it a combination of these two thoughts?  Or perhaps something else?  Or perhaps ....   Whatever, it has been great news for us.  Any additional thoughts?

Pooh

Like you said, who knows, but it sounds like to me that something has definitely released her from her anxiety.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Cranky Pants

Sometimes mourning, etc, is postponed.  My mother used to sail through a crisis cool as a cucumber but 6 months later, she would process the anxiety and "go through it" then.

I would keep an eye out, just in case.

CP

Margo

Hello jdtm.  I had similar experience but felt it was disloyal to parents and grandparents to show full emotion. She will have to deal with it and it might be either a gradual experience or another crisis which forces the process. I'm with Cranky Pants on this one just be vigilant and there for her if she wants to start talking about it. Light and prayers for you.

Stilllearning

IMHO being close with someone who others think might be bipolar is like negotiating a mine field never knowing which off hand or lighthearted comment will set them off.  That is enough to cause anxiety and I can certainly understand the anxiety diminishing with the passing of that individual.  I am not saying that you should not remain vigilant because everyone who loses someone might need a little extra attention for a while.  I am just saying that her lessening of anxiety is perfectly understandable and not due to the release from unreasonable demands or expectations but due to the release from the tension of dealing with a person that was so unpredictable. 
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown

jdtm

QuoteI am just saying that her lessening of anxiety is perfectly understandable and not due to the release from unreasonable demands or expectations but due to the release from the tension of dealing with a person that was so unpredictable. 


stilllearning - thank you - I think you "hit the nail on the head".

Margo and Cranky  Pants - thank you for advising me to be vigilant re mourning.  She has confided that she is "crying" and has started a memorial in memory of her aunt; however, I agree that mourning does not follow a predictable path.

Pooh - yes, I agree that "something" has released her from some burden.