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This is not a problem but I need advice.......

Started by PatiencePlease, January 08, 2014, 10:35:31 AM

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January 08, 2014, 10:35:31 AM Last Edit: January 08, 2014, 11:21:56 AM by luise.volta
Awhile ago I posted how grateful I was (and still am obviously because I'm here again!) for the support I received here regarding my adult son.  He had finally gotten his act together and is now successful in the armed services.  This momma could not be prouder of him or more grateful for these circumstances.

He has been dating seriously a woman for a few months.  My H and I have met her.  We like her ALOT!  She is a single mom with one child.  Our son has not been happier.  We could not be happier either.  They are a good match.

My son called me today to confide in me that it is most likely his girlfriend is pregnant.  (Please know an engagement was planned soon without this pregnancy development.)  Although I am somewhat worried about this, there's another part of me that is very fine with it.  They are both very capable and loving parents.  My son, as long as I can remember, always always wanted a family of his own.  I have no doubt he will be a good father.  He connects well with her son.  ANd I've already witnessed his girlfriend being a very capable and loving mother. 

He plans to marry her.  I'm on board with that.  I wish he didn't choose this timing to become a dad.  But you know what, I don't get to choose what happens when.  My job is to accept and support what is reality.  And I really am okay with all this.

My problem is I have decided to keep this from my husband, his father, until my son knows for certain, in two days, that his girlfriend is pregnant.  At that time my son will call his father directly to tell him.

Have I made the right decision to encourage this communication between father and son?  Have I jeopardized my marital connection?  Should I tell my husband now and ask that he act surprised when he hears from our son two days from now???

Thoughts?  Opinions???  Just curious to hear what "wise women" think....  Thanks! 


I can tell you from my personal experience, my hubby and I have a very open line of communication.  We discuss and debate everything.  Although I don't keep secrets from him, I do leave it up to my Son to share any news with him.  Even when my Son talks to me about something and shares something rather big, I keep it to myself and let him tell him.

I don't see it as keeping a secret but more of a letting their relationship blossom as well.


We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell


Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Thank you for your wise thoughts.  My mind was leaning toward MY relationship with MY partner -- and totally ignoring the relationship between father and son. 

I just knew I would find the right answer here.  Thank you so very much for your perspective.  I do believe I can keep my lips sealed for a couple of days so our son can tell his dad directly.

And in case you didn't know.... you ladies rock.....   it's no wonder "wise" is in the name.  ;)


When we started, it was but we immediately attracted some wonderful daughters in law and at the end of our first year...the wisdom was very aparent. Thus the name change! :)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


I agree with Pooh also.  Not knowing yet will make the surprise for your DH even better in 2 days.


PP, DH and I have also had conversations about it.  I've let DH know that anytime YS has news, good or bad to share, that I don't tell him and give YS the opportunity.  So DH and I do communicate about how I let them communicate. :)  That way, no hurt feelings if I know something first.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell


Well....  as it turns out, she is not pregnant.   I'm experiencing mixed feelings:  happy because they are not quite ready for this blessing and disappointed because I know it all would have worked out.   They feel the same.  Thank you for sharing your opinions and personal experiences.  You are the BEST!!! 

No doubt I will be back here as there are no wiser women than those found here.  :)


And you're a WW too! Feel free to pop in whenever :)

The time for babies will be right, some day soon...and I hope you let us in on the good news when it happens.

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb