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MIL visiting...Help!

Started by lady T, December 30, 2013, 05:24:57 am

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DixieDarling

For me personally I like feeling needed. I don't thrive on it like some but I admit to it. Does that make bad MIL? Honest question.
I feel wonderful if I think I've done anything that has made the people I love happy. Even if but for a minute.
I've always watched not to get in the way but I'm sure at times I have.
From the other side of the fence from my POV, I truly only want to make my DILs life a little nicer where I can. I care about them. I love them. And it's something I never had.
It's so hard to know when to give or get out for both sides I guess? Like raising children there is NO one size fits all answer. I sure wish there was. 
You seem to honestly have a caring good heart. I'm sure you will find the balance that will help you both. Simply because you care enough to try. I admire that!!

Pen

I remember decades ago my friends made a quilt for me as a birthday surprise. They got together at someone's home a couple of nights a week and drank wine, gossiped, laughed and stitched. When I got the quilt I was touched, but I would have rather been part of the work committee! They bonded over a group task, whereas I didn't get that opportunity

Group work binds people together. IMHO that's part of what we crave.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

elsieshaye

Quote from: Pooh on January 02, 2014, 06:01:48 amI learned this the hard way in a male-female relationship.  I in no way, shape or form "need" a man to take care of me.  I have always been a very capable, independent woman who can work, take care of the house, including yard work, etc.  What I found out about myself over the years was in knowing that I didn't "need" anyone, I made the other person feel horrible.  It had nothing to do with the fact that I couldn't do it all myself, but I was telling the other person that they were not needed....therefore not wanted (in their head).


Uggghhhh, this is something I struggle with as well, Pooh.  Definitely guilty of communicating that.  I tried to be better about it with the last guy, but unfortunately he had some baggage around that too.  He wanted to be needed, but not too much!  And what exactly "too much" meant was very unclear to both of us!  Apparently, it was ok if he volunteered to do something he wanted to do for me (whether I really wanted it or not), but it was not ok for me to ask for help.  It definitely reinforced my reluctance to ask for help, because the "rules" were so murky.  And I didn't feel comfortable asking him to be more explicit about what his boundaries were.  Things to work on the next time!
This too shall pass.  All is well.

Pooh

No, that's something HE needs to work on for next time! :)
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell