Pulling my hair out here!

[FAFE]

Not literally, but I'd like to.  A couple of weeks ago I asked my 2 adult sons to give me their Christmas lists as I do every year.  I also sent a msg on FB to my DIL and asked her to have 10 year old grand son mail me his list.  So, I get the letter (very sweet) and immediately went on line and ordered the 3 things he had asked for.  Sent another msg to DIL that I had ordered everything on the list.  Then, the next day I get a email from son who said he read the msg on FB and that he hoped I had not ordered so and so because of so and so.  I then sent him a email that I had ordered EXACTLY what was on the list and I certainly hoped that he did not think I was that stupid to order stuff out of the sky instead of what was on the list.  Then he gave me a couple of ideas about what they wanted (which was great) but the manner he wrote was very condescending, etc.  They will get the items, but next year it will be what I chose to give them.  Needless to say, his father is taking care of the items on the list. 

This is just a rant - the joys of motherhood.  On the other hand all my 3 year old GD wants is a lollipop!   That should be easy peasy to purchase.

[luise.volta]

LOL! I don't ask and it works great! My kids want me to put suggestions on an Amazon Wish List but the minute I put something there...it magically appeared. I felt like I was making a request...so stopped that. It 86, I'm getting really close to 'cards, only'!

[Footloose]

the lollipop sounds perfect to me! ;P

[DixieDarling]

I do a nice card and cash to the adults and a nice gift and a few little things for each child. Then the AC can go get what they want and leave me out of it. We all are happy,
love the lollipop!!

[Pooh]

I got smart (I think) this year.  Normally, in the past, I would ask DIL and YS if there was anything they wanted.  They would both name a couple of things and I would buy them.  A couple of times, we crossed as YS had already bought one of them for DIL or DIL had bought it for YS.  No problem, told them to return mine and get whatever they wanted.

This year, I asked DIL if there was something YS had mentioned that she wasn't going to get, then asked YS if there was something DIL had mentioned that he wasn't going to get.  Then text them individually to let them each know that I had got what they said.  Ha!  So this time, no crossing.

I always played the game with my Mom if she asked me what she could get me, I gave her something that I hadn't told DH or anyone so that wouldn't happen.  I just "assumed" that's what they were doing.  My bad!  We know what happens when we do that.

FAFE, that kind of put you in a no win if DIL sent you items that she already knew they were getting or something.  To play devil's advocate here, do you think it could have been possible that DIL didn't know maybe that DS had told his Dad about them and that he was getting them.  And then when DS saw it, he tried to fix it?  I can so see where if someone asked me something about my kids, me naming a few things I knew I wasn't getting, not knowing DS had spoken with someone else about them?

[FAFE]

No, Pooh, it was not a miss communication with them.  They both were involved in the letter writing.  Son just assumed that I had probably ordered the wrong thing.  He is notorious for putting me down because I am the only family member who does not have a college education - but was a GS-12 in Federal Service when I retired.  I always ask for their lists and if I get it before my deadline, then I buy what they want, if not - I pick something out and we're pretty generous.  In fact, this year we are going to give each of them a substantial piece of money for their big Christmas!  First time for this for us.  I ordered exactly what was on GS's list, so that should be the end of that.  He and GD also had money put in their college funds (which will mean nothing to them right now). 

I just get tired of being put down by son.  DIL just follows his lead, but is not anything but wonderful to us.  She has never (or that I know of) said anything bad about/to us.  GS does not know us that well, because we only see him a couple of times a year and when we had him this summer it was a nightmare.  I am getting old and cranky and I'm not going to let stuff go as I have in the past.

They will be here on the 25th, so we'll see how it goes.

[luise.volta]

I could only think of one thing I wanted this year, a talking watch pendant because the one on my wrist feels like a portable alarm clock. I told kid #1 that since it cost $45, I would love it if three of them went together on it. But...the same thing always happens...the first one to know about it, jumps on it. I know because it has disappeared from my Amazon Wish List and it was the only item there! I can't think of anything else! When you are 86 years old and live in a studio...your wants keep decreasing. If I get something new to wear, I have no place to put it and have to cycle something out of my closet. The answer used to be to give me my favorite treats...but then I worked so hard to get back down to my normal weight that I asked them to stop bringing me those.

The other side of the coin is my extended family, that I call 'my kids', don't want me to buy for them because they know I am at the low end of the low-income spectrum. It's not easy...this gift-giving-thing. We don't want to have nothing to unwrap...but a card just doesn't do it. One of my kids suggested I write down what I wanted as little things occurred to me over the year but I'm the instant gratification type. LOL! What to do?

[FAFE]

All I have asked for all of them to get me is the China Beach series!  They are going together and getting their dad a power blower.  We are the instant type too.  If we see it and have the money for it, we buy it.  I have coveted a pair of red cowboy boots for quite a while and finally ordered them yesterday! 

[luise.volta]

Oh, Red Cowboy Boots! Superlicious!!

[freespirit]

Luise, I gave my mother outings. We would go on boat rides together, or car rides, or walk through a botanical garden together. She loved that,...and so did I.

[Footloose]

Free,  I do the same for my mom.  She enjoys the time and activities too!  Her 80th is coming soon and I will be booking travel for us.  What do u give a person who has everything?  Time with you:)  if they like ya, that is!   

[luise.volta]

FS - How wonderful that must have been for both of you. Bless your heart! :-)

[luise.volta]

Thinking about it, what I like most is my family taking the time to have a cuppa here in my living room with me...and to stay close the rest of the time, via email. I love communication, (as you all know), the one-on-one sharing of experiences and ideas...as opposed to superficial chatter. That may be why I don't like large gatherings. It is also fun to go out to eat or to have them as my guests at our campus restaurant.

[Pen]

Last year I learned my lesson regarding asking for gift ideas from DS for DIL and vice versa. DS said "Don't get her anything, she doesn't deserve a gift from you." I laughed and said, "Of course we're getting her something." (And we did, a very nice something.)

Meanwhile, I thought I would be a "good MIL" and check with DIL about a specialty kitchen appliance we knew DS really wanted. She said she would probably be getting it for him. No problem, I said, we'll switch gears and figure out something else.

It turns out that DS was disappointed because his ILs, not DIL, gave him an appliance, but a cheap, ineffective version rather than the one he was hoping for. He felt he couldn't return it and buy the one he wanted (the same one we would have bought for him) without causing problems and hurt feelings. There's no way to solve this unless DS wins one in a contest or something, poor guy.

We were totally mislead by DIL who just couldn't allow us to give our son the gift he truly wanted. Lesson learned. I'm not asking for their input again.

[DixieDarling]

Pen, I have a DIL like that about gifts. It makes us nuts! Everything we suggest for grandson and run past her we are told she or her family is getting that. (Every big , nice thing he wants) and he doesn't get the stuff when Xmas rolls around.
So last year we stopped asking. Bought what we wanted and told her what we got it.
Now she can tell the others we are getting that.
Now if we ask about something big she's wanting that's different.