Author Topic: I'm afraid I'm losing my son  (Read 10761 times)

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Offline DixieDarling

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Re: I'm afraid I'm losing my son
« Reply #45 on: December 04, 2013, 11:47:26 AM »
I also want to express how happy I am to have found this site!
Kindness is the backbone here.
I've been on other sites for MILs & Grandparents. They are all about pointing out how wrong and selfish I am for wanting a loving family. I may be wrong in my views at times. We all are. But here we can talk it out. Instead of been chewed out. Learn from one another. And comfort one another.
Thank you a million times Luise and Kirk!

Offline Pooh

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Re: I'm afraid I'm losing my son
« Reply #46 on: December 04, 2013, 12:56:05 PM »
Hee hee.  I always wanted a Sister (due to having two brothers) and now I have a whole flock of them!  Woot Woot!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline Pen

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Re: I'm afraid I'm losing my son
« Reply #47 on: December 04, 2013, 10:13:51 PM »
Me too! Love you, my dear sisters :)
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

mamarama

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Re: I'm afraid I'm losing my son
« Reply #48 on: December 06, 2013, 09:46:18 AM »
Edited and removed
« Last Edit: December 06, 2013, 10:02:06 AM by Pooh »

Offline Pooh

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Re: I'm afraid I'm losing my son
« Reply #49 on: December 06, 2013, 10:01:25 AM »
Mamarama, please take a moment to read the posts under "Open Me First" about the forum rules and how we operate here.  We ask all new members to do this. 

Also, although we do hope a poster will share the relevant information here, we do not pull information from other websites into this forum as many of those are geared towards debate and controversy and the blame game.  We encourage support and helpful suggestions here, formed in a way that is respectful and kind to each poster.   This in no way means we don't kindly prompt someone that they could handle things better, as we all know we have areas for improvement, but we do not use information on a poster from another website here to call them out.

If Lauren wants to share this information here, it is her choice.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Aathree

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Re: I'm afraid I'm losing my son
« Reply #50 on: December 06, 2013, 10:31:00 AM »
From a perspective of a granddaughter, daughter, mother and DIL I just can response with what my loving and amazing grandmother told my mom "Sylvia (my mom) let them. I understand that they don't wanna visit or hang out with their grandmother. They are in the age where they wanna do their own thing, hanging out with their friends. You did the same and wanted the same. I will be here for them when they wanna come back." I was around 12 back then and to this day I remember it  and admire my grandmother for it. And she was right all her grandchildren (12) came back and love her so much. She never wanted us to come every second weekend or that we have to spend time with her - it was a choice if we wanted to. And we choose to visit her spontaneous or call her. I live in another country and I send my grandmother cards and gifts for birthdays, Xmas and Easter just because I want to. I didn't have contact with my other grandmother because I choose too. She was always like you have to call, you have to visit etc. She even started with if you don't come visiting you don't get a birthday gift this year. In the end it backfired for her because her grandchildren decided to distance themselves from her and sadly she died lonely.
« Last Edit: December 06, 2013, 10:44:49 AM by Pooh »

Offline Pooh

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Re: I'm afraid I'm losing my son
« Reply #51 on: December 06, 2013, 10:43:32 AM »
Aathree, please take a moment to read the threads under "Open Me First" for the rules.

Because you referenced things that were in the post that Mamrama shared with things from the other site, I removed most of your post.  Also, you made many assumptions of things about the poster that have not been stated.  We do not psycho-analyze posters here as that requires a professional and we do not claim to be that.

I left the sentences that were fitting.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Aathree

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Re: I'm afraid I'm losing my son
« Reply #52 on: December 06, 2013, 11:03:31 AM »
Pooh I did not see the post from mamarama. I find it very upsetting that people on this post obvisiouly don't wanna hear different advice to a problem or different sides to it. Is it not what a question is normally about to get a good idea about what could be changed or do better? But to do it I need different views to the problem and not just a one-sided because I have to feel right. You say nobody is right or wrong yet you remove certain things from a post because you think they are "wrong". If you really want that people get advice you would let Lauren decided  what she takes from the answers.
People could tell me all day long I am disrespectful (just an example) and I just ignore it because I don't think so til the moment I decide to take a closer look at my own behaviour and might realize there is something to it.
I think that the comments I made in my post are a good idea about what could go on in Lauren' son's life. Not saying it has to be. Maybe you rethink it and could repost the whole post. I think it would give a better understand to both sides - MIL and DIL.

Aathree

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Re: I'm afraid I'm losing my son
« Reply #53 on: December 06, 2013, 11:13:07 AM »
And by the way i do not think evergreen was rude or disrespectful. She just gave a straight, direct answer to Lauren's question. Maybe that's why so many MILs and DILs have problem in the first place because one of the parties is too sensitive and overreact. Most of them only have a small issues but it becomes a big problem because we let our alter ego out. Maybe we should start to be more considerate with each other and try to put ourselves into the other person' shoes.

Yes I could bash about my MIL all day along but I don't instead I try to put myself in her position. And try to understand why she said or did certain things. Sometimes I realize it is a reaction to an action. It is not always working and yes I get upset and have to discuss it with some friends. At least I know I tried my best. If it still bothers me I will talk to my husband about it and go from there.
And you will not always be all happy with each other that is just being human. As I will not always be on the same page with my own mother.

Offline luise.volta

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Re: I'm afraid I'm losing my son
« Reply #54 on: December 06, 2013, 11:43:55 AM »
I am locking this thread. The three people who were drawn here by the poster and subject matter don't 'fit' and are long gone. I just don't have the patience. Our Forum Agreement is very clear and works for those who want to work it. Those who don't can just go start their own forum. I hope that's not too subtle.  ;)
« Last Edit: December 06, 2013, 11:47:25 AM by luise.volta »
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama