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My Daughter Is Not Home Yet!

Started by ohmama, November 05, 2013, 09:34:25 AM

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herbalescapes

So did DD get home last Tuesday?  I'm reading through the thread and wondering what happened.

I don't think you'd be too hasty in cutting off overnights in the future.  MIL said she'd bring DD home Mon evening, then Tuesday afternoon she still wasn't home! That boggles my mind.  Not having overnight visits is not cutting the GM out of DD's life.  There are plenty of GPs who never keep a GC overnight or never babysit during the day who still have close, loving relationships with their GC.  It comes down to what you are comfortable.  I would have been spittin' bricks Sunday night when it got to bedtime and she wasn't home.  You're a bit more laidback about it (probably good for your blood pressure).  If you are comfortable with continued overnight visits more power to you.  But if you aren't, don't feel guilty about it.  Good luck.

ohmama

I so meant to update this thread. Yes she did come home Tuesday. DH & I have decided is to be crystal clear with her each time. So yes DD can go but she needs to be in by 8 pm Sunday. Additionally we're limiting the time betwen visits to one overnight visit every other month. The root problem is MIL has no daughters and my DD is DH spitting image. MIL has an unhealthy attachment to her. She does not display these behaviors with my DS, who looks like me. In fact she never asks to keep DS, another days thread. So yes that's where we are.

luise.volta

Good for you! To bad you can't say that she can come again after DS has been there but that wouldn't be fair to him.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

May not be fair, but I did do that to my Ex MIL. 

She always favored my oldest son and would ask him to spend the night constantly.  She never took the youngest saying she couldn't handle them both at the same time.  I finally told her that I understood she couldn't handle them both, but she needed to alternate then as the youngest wanted to know why he never got to go.  She made a face but did take him the next time.  Then after she took the oldest again, she tried to slide in and take him again and I told her it was younger ones turn.  She started arguing saying no, no, I took him last.  I assured her she didn't and her choice was either to alternate them, or none at all.

It's wasn't long after that, she magically decided she couldn't handle both.  :)
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

ohmama

Pooh I actually think that's more than fair. I would love to do that. The only issue is DS has never stayed with her. So now he cries if he even thinks we're leaving him with DH parents. So now MIL is putting it on DS, saying he doesn't like her. He just started the crying thing this year. He's 3 1/2. I'd love to hear an excuse for the first 3 years. Note neither DS nor DD cry with my parents, they take them both.

Pooh

She's done that totally to herself because of not taking him since he was younger.  I tend to get snarky when people don't take responsibility for their actions (yeah, yeah...I know...not nice).  If my Ex MIL had told me that my YS didn't like her, I would have answered, "No...no he doesn't."  :)
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

wisewomanalso

It breaks my heart when I see children being favored over other children by the same family member.  I've seen this in action and felt it with my kids and so I am thankful to know better. 

Some kids are more difficult than others - boys want to do boy things and girls....girl things.

Just so unfair to let them see that one is liked or cared for more than the other.