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call them fury

Started by stilltrying2010, July 11, 2013, 01:43:01 am

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Quote from: Pooh on July 15, 2013, 10:58:11 am
Yes, I agree.  And I also think maybe this helped you with the next incident that arises.  Maybe you can tell her something and also say, "And please do not share this with anyone else.  We wanted you to know but we do not want everyone else to know.  We would like to include you in our news, but really want this to stay between us".

And then see what she does?  If she doesn't do what you ask next time, then you will know not to say anything else and if it's brought up that you don't tell her anything, then you are able to say, "I would like to but after the last time when we asked you not to say anything, and you did, I figured it would be better to not say anything."

And then again, maybe she will keep her mouth shut?  One can hope? :)

I agree with this 100%..  I would use the approach that I am letting her in on privileged information that you don't share with just anyone only very select people.. and for her to keep it under her hat and not post about it or tell anyone.  This will serve the purpose of reminding her each time and also make her feel like she is a valued trusted close family member.   I think she'd be sort of happy with that and do as you ask.    Of course if she STILL posts it all over the nets.. and you get calls from people you have not told then you know not to share anything you want kept private again.


I asked my best friend to use her discretion about what I share with her but have found that she doesn't have any. When I label something as private...she passes it on with the admonition for the next person to "keep it under your hat because it's confidential." I'm serious. The only answer is for me to monitor my sharing. I don't like having to do that because it limits our relationship but she isn't going to change. She doesn't put it on Facebook...but she would if she knew how...and then add, "Don't pass this on, please."
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


I agree.  I know who I can share with and who I can't.  But I learned by giving them the opportunity, with instructions not to tell and then them not following my wishes.  The one thing it did allow me to do was face-off gracefully in front of a group last time.  It was a close cousin, who can't keep her yap shut.  My Mom said something in front of everyone about my diseases (I tell you guys but I honestly haven't said anything to many people in person).  This cousin looked at me and said very snarky, "Well no, I had no idea...she doesn't tell me anything."  I just looked back at her sweetly and said, "Well I use to and ask you not to say anything.  But you always did and I got my feelings hurt that I couldn't trust you.  So now I don't tell you anything and that way, I don't have to be mad at you when you tell everybody."

Her mouth dropped open and there were snickers from the rest of my family because she does it to them too.  She didn't say a word after that. :)

I do agree that some people just don't have the ability to "know" they shouldn't share your private information.  I guess they think that if you tell them, it's not private.  That's why I say you should tell her next time, "Please don't say anything."  Then you will know for sure if you just can't tell her anything and not feel guilty about it.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell


It is important to make sure everyone knows what is supposed to be private and what is not.  Everyone has different ideas on what can be shared and what can't.  Some years ago I was  a tad upset with my sister posting pics of my kids on her FB page.  I don't like sharing pics that way.  I just have this nagging feeling of pedophiles trolling through and getting past any security measures.  But I hadn't ever discussed posting pics with my sister, so I couldn't really be mad at her.  Once you've made it clear about what is share-able and what isn't, then you can decide to not share anymore.  I'd suggest making a test case with something that you won't be very, very upset about if the person in question shares something you'd prefer them not to share. 

I do imagine some future generations will cringe at what people shared in the early days of social media.  Like we cringe at the idea of using leeches to cure people.

Good luck.


My mother always said that if you have "something" you do not wish to be shared, then keep it to yourself.  If you have a secret and you want it to remain a secret, then do not tell another person.  After all, if we "share and/or tell", then why should not everyone else?  Frankly, saying the statement "I don't want you to say anything about this but ..." is a red flag to get a megaphone and grandstand stage.  Sometimes, the "fault" lies in our own "telling and/or sharing".  Anyway, just one opinion ....