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Our DIL

Started by DixieDarling, October 19, 2013, 07:59:43 AM

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luise.volta

I thought, as I read M.'s response, of the saying 'the ball's is her court.' We can only play in ours...we can't say what will occur or why in the court (life) of another. We may change our serve but/and the truth may be there is no one in the other court.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Monroe

How true, Luise.  I served the ball too many times to an empty court. 

Dixie, you are not me, and your DIL is not my DIL.  Perhaps she will return your serve.  I certainly hope so.  You sound like a lovely MIL.

Pooh

And this may sound weird, but I could only come to a place of healing and peace because I was able to say, "I tried."  Once it became obvious that no amount of trying was going to change anything, I could have inner peace and move on knowing I had made an effort.  In my world (which is strange place to live most days), if I hadn't made any effort, then I felt I was just as guilty as the other party.  By making an effort and balancing that with not being intrusive, it allowed me to see that it wasn't my issue, it was theirs.  Had I not made efforts, I would have been second guessing myself now with "Maybe I should have.....if I had tried this....., what if I had done this....etc."

That's just me personally.  So I think you gift is a great thing and if she isn't receptive, well then at least you will know where she stands and be able to move along.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

luise.volta

What I saw also, P, is that you knew when to stop trying. I think I made 'trying' into an artform and I paid a high price for that. Well, actually, everyone did. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Monroe

Couldn't agree more, Pooh.  I have peace, and no regrets.  I know I gave it every chance - she was not interested.  I do not torture myself wondering "What if?"   I have chosen to respect her decision and move on.  Sure moments of pain now and then - but it is my son's life, not mine.  If I love him, I have to let them be. 


DixieDarling

My DIL seemed very excited with her gift. Even hugged my neck and said, "Thank You". So maybe it will at least make her feel like I care.
Its been a long day! Our oldest son left for Afghanistan for 9 months today. He's been there and Iraq 4 times now. But he's really been dreading this deployment. Its the 1st time since his son was born. He's 11 months today. And a big daddy's boy. Praying he won't have to stay the whole time and comes home safely.
Being a Mother never ends in our hearts. Once they are born its a life time role isn't it?

shiny

Agreeing with what Pooh and Monroe said.
That's what I'm doing, too -- making a loving effort and being sensitive as to when to put on the brakes.
Yes, motherhood is for life and I've realized for me, the older the child, the bigger the burdens.
Being a mother is not for sissies.

DixieDarling

LOL @ shiny, no it isn't! A sissy would be eaten alive.

Beth 2011

I agree making attempts but knowing when to let it go and not make yourself miserable and FOO is very difficult.  I had a very hard time with the part of letting go of the way it was and the way I thought it should be.  I still worry about my DGC and hope that DIL is giving him love and time he needs even though we have never been allowed to see him esp. after they moved across the country, further isolating themselves from everyone.  Realize it is not you.  Hardest part.  :-\

DixieDarling

I'm so sorry Beth. That would be so hard I'm sure. Is that the only grandchild you have?

firelight

If that "Book of Answers" for all of us ever comes out, I'll be first in line!  Or at least up there with whoever's first!   :)
Firelight

"When you allow life to flow... without struggle... your Soul is restored."   ~z2z~

herbalescapes

DD, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for your son while deployed.  And the whole family; deployments affect everyone.  Glad to hear you got a positive response from DIL.  Hope it all continues.

Pen

Best wishes to you and yours, DD. I too will keep good thoughts. I'm glad your DIL was happy with her gift.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb