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"Only 51% of US parents have an "amicable" relationship w/ACs": Smithsonian mag

Started by fantine, October 17, 2013, 09:14:42 am

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Love Me Love Me Not

I'm new here and I've been doing a lot of reading before posting as well as reading books. I just want to say how grateful I am for this safe place to talk. I am so very sorry for what has happened to all of you. I have lived through so much pain for 8+ years now that I have learned a few skills that help me to continue to survive. I hope to learn more from each of you. I no longer have any hope that my situation will change.My husband and I are not going to let an AC take the holidays from us. We decorate more, celebrate more, and longer than we ever have! Yes, it can be lonely. Yes, there are times when memories overwhelm us. Yes, we cry, we get angry, and we suffer a  great deal. Perhaps the independence that our dc always sought turned out to be a lot more work that they ever imagined and they blame us that they have to work for a living. There is no way to know when they won't tell us. When I go to bed at night I rely on my faith to comfort me and I encourage each of you to rely on whatever you have in your life that gives you the most peace and comfort. You matter just as much as your AC does. Take care of yourself and if you can....let them go.

fantine

Welcome, LM . . . :) So glad to have another sister join our fold. :) Keep posting and sharing your valuable insight with us! You offer a lot of strength and comfort, and I hope that in some small way, we are able to reflect that back to you as well. :)

wisewomanalso

Something else that crosses my mind as I get older, is how little effort I want to put into making and keeping relationships with extended friends and family.  What I mean is that when I was in my twenties and thirties, I was eager to find time for coffee dates with girl friends or movie night with friends, dinners out with couples, dinners at my home.  As I get older and find that I have to work harder to see my kids since they live away right now (except for one) and I work to do things with him and I am working at a job I enjoy and with my spouse etc.  I just wonder if my priorities have changed and what I enjoy has changed and so I'm more likely to spend time with just the hubby and kids?

I don't think that the internet and technology has made it easier for us to keep in touch, I honestly think it has made it harder.  People live further and further away from their families so a get together barbecue which is usually short and sweet - turns into a week long stay at the inlaws house.  I'm not saying that is bad but quite honestly a week stay with my best friend would leave me wanting to pull my hair out.

I truly believe that if we had stayed local to my inlaws, our relationship would have been better because we would have gotten together in shorter (easier to tolerate each other) doses.  This is true with my own parents as well. 

Having the internet seems like a good thing but - it also opens people up to saying things they might convey differently in a face to face conversation.  It allows us to stay connected without really staying connected (if you know what I mean). 

Facebook - I think is the biggest nightmare.  Why?  Because people use it to verbalize things in a passive aggressive way.  And, others use it to find evidence as to why someone doesn't like them.  I think you can twist just about anything in any manner.  If someone's heart is hurt, and then they read something that the person who hurt them posted - they can turn that into just about anything in their own minds.  Meaning - it just is a lot simpler to face people one on one and show your caring and your hurt. 

Lastly, let's face it....we just didn't have these kinds of studies back in the 50's.  Today we analyze just about anything and conclude just about anything.

I love my family!  They can be annoying, and pains - but I still make the effort to be a part of their lives.