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New Here

Started by luise.volta, September 25, 2013, 03:33:34 PM

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luise.volta

I am mandogirl55. I am new to this site and so thankful to have found it today-all the posts have helped me to know I am not the only mom out there whose adult children disrespect her.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

luise.volta

Welcome, MG - I've given you your own thread.  :)

We ask all new members to go to our HomePage and under Open Me First, to read the three posts placed there for you. The most important one is the Forum Agreement, so you can be sure WWU is a fit. We're a monitored Website. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

mandogirl55

Thank you so much for the welcome! I have been "blue" today after deciding I'd finally had enough of my daughter's toxicity.
My last visit with my 30 yr. old daughter was this past summer when I flew to OH from VA to help her after her liposuction and tummy tuck surgery and to help care for her 6 month old daughter while her husband was in TX for military training (oh, and I flew up to be with her in the delivery room last November and stayed with her and her husband to help out with the new baby). My visit there was absolutely devastating.  After nothing but "love you mom" via texting and phone calls before this last visit, she displayed nothing but hatred toward me the minute we said goodbye to my SIL-lots of passive-aggressive behavior, walking ahead of me when we went places, ditching me in stores, criticizing everything I did in their apartment-like she was punishing me (i.e. not pulling the shower curtain shut after taking a shower), embarrassing me in front of others, grumpiness, etc. The final straw came when she yelled at me, "Are you going to help me or not?" in Target as we were shopping for baby shoes (I drove her everywhere as she should not be driving due to ADD and tendency toward eyes to cross). I waited until we were back in the truck and told her I didn't appreciate her behavior nor did I deserve it. She denied saying what she said and I called her on it, at which point she said she was sorry. Then she told me that she has never gotten over my divorcing her dad (abusive) and that I destroyed him when I divorced me-and as a result she does not respect me. I was totally blindsided...no matter what I said it made no difference and when I left the next day I hugged and kissed my granddaughter goodbye and the only thing my daughter said to me was, "Catch you later Mom"....then rolled the baby stroller away before I was even in the taxi....I couldn't wait to get to the airport and felt such relief to get away from her when I did, as it felt like I had been emotionally abused for the entire two weeks I was there)...as I sat down to a glass of wine in one of the airport restaurants, I said to myself, I AM DONE! and I am (her brother and his family also has not contact with me-Mother's day comes with no response). There are so many other people in my life who love me and need what I have to offer, as I will graduate next May with MA in Counseling. I do have an "adopted" daughter in Uganda who adores me and tells me I am the best mother (her parents died of AIDS). Her words were balm to my shredded heart.... I am so thankful to have found this site-I have found such comfort to know there are so many other moms out there who acted in the best interest of their children, only to be rejected by same. I have been grieving and sad today, trying to cut the umbilical cord and process the fact that my daughter and son are dead to me while still alive....

luise.volta

My take, in view of my son dying of a sleep apnea induced stroke at age 52, is you may be dead to them...their choice...but they are not dead to you. That is a whole different thing. Hang in there. I am so glad you have friends and other family members to love and be loved by. Gratitude, for me, helped me heal. This is the place you can ride the roller coast and be understood.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

Welcome mando.  You will find great understanding here.  Healing begins when you realize that you deserve better treatment and you appreciate those that do love and support you.  So you have already started the process.  Continue to do things with the people that treat you with kindness and respect.  Your AC get to make their own choices in life and you get to make yours.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

OzzysMom

Quote from: mandogirl55 on September 25, 2013, 07:31:06 PM
Thank you so much for the welcome! I have been "blue" today after deciding I'd finally had enough of my daughter's toxicity.
My last visit with my 30 yr. old daughter was this past summer when I flew to OH from VA to help her after her liposuction and tummy tuck surgery and to help care for her 6 month old daughter while her husband was in TX for military training (oh, and I flew up to be with her in the delivery room last November and stayed with her and her husband to help out with the new baby). My visit there was absolutely devastating.  After nothing but "love you mom" via texting and phone calls before this last visit, she displayed nothing but hatred toward me the minute we said goodbye to my SIL-lots of passive-aggressive behavior, walking ahead of me when we went places, ditching me in stores, criticizing everything I did in their apartment-like she was punishing me (i.e. not pulling the shower curtain shut after taking a shower), embarrassing me in front of others, grumpiness, etc. The final straw came when she yelled at me, "Are you going to help me or not?" in Target as we were shopping for baby shoes (I drove her everywhere as she should not be driving due to ADD and tendency toward eyes to cross). I waited until we were back in the truck and told her I didn't appreciate her behavior nor did I deserve it. She denied saying what she said and I called her on it, at which point she said she was sorry. Then she told me that she has never gotten over my divorcing her dad (abusive) and that I destroyed him when I divorced me-and as a result she does not respect me. I was totally blindsided...no matter what I said it made no difference and when I left the next day I hugged and kissed my granddaughter goodbye and the only thing my daughter said to me was, "Catch you later Mom"....then rolled the baby stroller away before I was even in the taxi....I couldn't wait to get to the airport and felt such relief to get away from her when I did, as it felt like I had been emotionally abused for the entire two weeks I was there)...as I sat down to a glass of wine in one of the airport restaurants, I said to myself, I AM DONE! and I am (her brother and his family also has not contact with me-Mother's day comes with no response). There are so many other people in my life who love me and need what I have to offer, as I will graduate next May with MA in Counseling. I do have an "adopted" daughter in Uganda who adores me and tells me I am the best mother (her parents died of AIDS). Her words were balm to my shredded heart.... I am so thankful to have found this site-I have found such comfort to know there are so many other moms out there who acted in the best interest of their children, only to be rejected by same. I have been grieving and sad today, trying to cut the umbilical cord and process the fact that my daughter and son are dead to me while still alive....

OzzysMom

Welcome to the site - you will find much wisdom and comfort here.   You say you have people in your life who love you.  You are lucky.   An old saying, "Love the people who treat you right and pray for the ones who don't."    We can't change our grown children or how they treat us, but as long as you have people in your life who value you and love you, then you will be okay.   

Didi.lost

I agree.  If we have people in our life that love us....then we will be ok.  We just have to get to that place where we
ourselves believe it.

luise.volta

When I thought it was my 'job' to take the abuse...I had no idea I had lost my self-respect in the process. Then I found gaining it back was a full-time job. Long, hard road back...two steps forward and sometimes three back...but I made it. We all can!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

mandogirl55

Thank you all for your encouraging words-they have lifted me....I am blessed to have adopted "family" who love me and treat me with respect-I do pray for my DD and DS, and hope to see them change in my lifetime....but in the meantime I have a life-I am so busy with grad school now, doing internship and graduating next May with MA in counseling.