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UPDATE....I FINALLY have my grandsons here with me

Started by JaneF, September 06, 2013, 01:32:30 PM

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JaneF

Good afternoon ladies!  I am so very very tired, but I am also very relieved.  Family Services had foster mother turn my grandsons over to me last Saturday.  After a long road trip (about 7 and a half hours), we were totally exhausted of course.  Family Services (called DFS here), still has control and jurisdiction however.  They told us we have to go through foster parenting classes and lisensing or they will snatch the kids back.  These people frankly make me ill.  I have been trying to enroll the youngest in an early childhood program through the school, an Head Start due to his having an IEP at such a young age.  DFS did not give me a single piece of paper proving I have been given these kids, so he cannot be enrolled yet.  I was angry at the phone conference on August 30th.  I found out the oldest grandson age 10 had run away a week before , but nobody told us.  The foster mom said she was embarrassed!  She said she called every caseworkers phone number she had and not a one returned her call!!!  FINALLY a few hours later a different worker called her.  Foster mom had to call sheriff to locate this child.  He had gotten over 5 miles away by then in the terrible heat, not to mention they live way, way out in the "boondocks"!  The therapist at the phone conference was great though.  He was counseling the 10 year old (he was the one who turned his mom and step father in for the meth lab).  He said the child has PTSD.  I asked if I should do as DFS insists and get him into counseling when he arrives here...and he said and I QUOTE "No, he needs to be with his FAMILY!"  lol  I LOVED it! lol  DFS refuses to begin the process of allowing my husband and I to obtain guardianship however.  This makes no sense to me at all.  They said not until their mother is released from prison.  Odd.  The childrens father is still shooting meth and living 15 minutes away from us.  He has a caseworker through DFS and this same one plans to come work with us here at our home but I am concerned about that being a conflict.  We are NOT anything like him, or his family.  Obviously.  I spoke to the childrens guardian ad litem today, and he said since my daughter and the bio father wish to consent to our having legal guardianship all we have to do is have them sign the papers and go to court for judge approval...however DFS is telling me NOOOOO.  lol  Of course they are!  I spoke to my attorney today as well.  If we do not take guardianship we get the state funding...or we can get DFS out of our hair and then be able to raise them without interference, and forego the funds.  My daughter is due for release (if all goes like she says is planned) on October 16th!  Her husband that was charged as well is currently in long term rehab awaiting his trial date still!  He is stalling as long as possible because he will probably do serious time, but who knows?  We are very busy right now, but the 10 year old is in school and happy.  He likes our Church and attends a "kid zone" group on Wednesdays after school.  Then we go to dinner at Church 5:30, big sister does youth group and Praise Team practice after that!  Good news she also made Show Choir YAY!!!  She has her very first marching band competition on the 28th of this month too...awesome!  She is at a school dance this afternoon and we will pick her up later.  The little one and I spend the days together after I get off work at 8 am!  YAWN!!!  I catch a bit of sleep after husband gets home afternoons!  When he goes to school (hopefully quickly!!!), I will sleep while he is gone.  We are taking the 3 kids on a 3 day camping trip this month.  Can't wait for that to happen!  We bought a very large enclosed trampoline for them to enjoy (papa and I even get in and jump!) lol.  The boys adore their campsite bedrooms as I knew they would.  They have ravenous appetites!  Gotta run for now!  Thanks for allowing me to blab once again.  J

luise.volta

Oh, J - Thanks you for finding the time to let us know what has transpired, so we can all continue on this journey with you? You are one amazing lady! What lucky kids! My heart is full to bursting!  ;D
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

Hate all the turmoil, but so glad you got them finally!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Pen

JaneF, thank you for the update! You must be flying. Your GC are so very lucky, and you are one amazing GP. I know you're busy, but keep us posted, OK?
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

JaneF

Ahhhhhh!!!  lol  I have had the boys for 11 days now, and they are doing quite well.  Even though DFS and foster mom said there were problems with oldest one having angry and aggressive issues and bed wetting...I have seen NONE of those things as of yet!  He does get upset easily when having to be corrected, so I explained to him my job is to correct him when it's needed, but it does not mean we do not love him or want him here...he is much better now.  He likes his teacher and has made friends.  He has joined Book Club, and he enjoys going to Kid Zone on Wednesday afternoons at the Church for arts and crafts and games.  The little one has been dry (bedwetting) for FIVE days in a row!!!  He is thrilled because he gets a nickle from Papa to put in his crayola piggy bank each day he's dry.  For all he has endured, to be quite honest I think he is doing fantastic!  His behavior is much improved, and we still hold back on sugar and red dye which seems to help.  The boys are eating like crazy!  They are enjoying the enclosed trampoline Papa got for them too.  He was supposed to be able to start to school today, BUT DFS neglected to send necessary paper work in time, so he will miss the first few days...nice huh?  I STILL do not have correct paper work to prove I am allowed to get medical treatment for them should the need arise!  They said they would mail it and that was only yesterday late in the afternoon.  Those people really rub me the wrong way.  We were really having difficulty finding childcare for the little one from 7:30 am until a few minutes after 8 am due to the shifts my husband and I work.  Soooo, my husband took the little one in and visited with one of his bosses about our dilemma, and now he is allowed to go in to work later so we no longer need the childcare!  AWESOME.  We are taking a 3 day camping and fishing trip at the end of this week because the kids have no school on Monday.  We are all looking forward to that!  They all have a pole and are excited to get to try them out.  The little one has plans to pack everything he owns I think.  lol  He thinks he may need every toy and ball he has!  We will take kid appropriate movies for quiet time in the evening or for bad weather (which we are not supposed to have).  We are settling into a routine, and enjoy having our evening meal together and sharing how are day was with each other.  Tonite Papa said we should have BLT'S...yummy!  The kids will like that I'm sure.  Well, time for a few errands before the little one asks for a snack!  Take care all.  J

JaneF

I meant sharing how "OUR" day went in my last post!  Good grief.

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pen

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Footloose

Blessings abound!  I am so happy for you and the children.

I do not want to step on your loving parenting skills but these poor guys have had a tough road to you with no telling what kind of emotional baggage from it all.

U may have already considered it but, please get them in to a family counselor and plan for mental health check ups as they continue to grow.

They will do so much better in your care but remember their pasts may be worse than u know or they can articulate.

You are a dear for helping them out so!  i just want your family to be as drama free as possible.

Hugs <3


JaneF

Good afternoon on another busy day!  Thank you for all the kind responses.  We had an orthodontia appointment today, had to purchase a pair of shoes and black socks for Marching Band competition coming up the 28th, homework to do...and I am resting while the children are out on the trampoline!  Big sister is watching them for a few moments (she is 14 years old now).  I did leave a voice message on the therapists phone this morning.  This man was seeing the kids while in the foster home.  I had asked him if he felt the counseling should continue (I asked this during a phone conference with DFS present!), and his response was NO, they need to just be with their family!  lol  But I WILL be watching for issues, and already spoke to a child counseling place I had taken the oldest boy to before.  They agreed to see him if I feel it is needed, so we have that covered!  We are all excited to be going on our 3 day camping adventure.  Quite frankly it will be a time of much needed rest and relaxation without appointments or homework etc.  The little one is continuing to have dry nights!  YAY!  He enjoys the money every day for the piggy bank.  I have smiley faces on the calendar for those days as well.  Even though DFS and foster mom said the older boy was also having bedwetting issues, he has not had one single incident while here STILL!  We had the lovely BLT'S for supper last night, and it was a hit.  Not sure what is for supper tonite as my dear husband stopped at the grocery store after work...we will see what he has chosen!  We have freezer stuff, but we forgot to thaw something...too excited about our trip I think!  The orthodontist appointment went well, she is doing a great job taking care of brushing and her retainer is cleaned correctly too!  Awesome!  Kid Zone and Youth group at Church for the 2 older ones was good they reported last night.  Have a most joyous weekend, and blessings to you all.  J

luise.volta

J- it's lucky it's evening here because I got so tired reading that post...I've got to lie down!  :D You are totally amazing! Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

Me too!  I'm just tired reading what all you did today!  Although I remember those days when my kids were young, it seems a world away now.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

freespirit

Hats off to you! You have taken on a tremendous responsibility. It sounds like you are really well organized and the children are reacting positively to your care and love. Wishing you lots of strength, patience, and in it all don't forget the humor. Sometimes that's the only thing left. I hope you are able to find help too. Just an idea_  Aupair girls from Europe are always looking for families to help out....and just for allowance money. Just sayin',  incase you should feel over-whelmed.
The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.
            -- Michel de Montaigne

herbalescapes

Way to go!!!!  Hopefully it will be smooth sailing here on in.  We're  all rooting for you and the kids.