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Long Time, no check in...UPDATE on our status!

Started by JaneF, July 04, 2013, 01:36:12 PM

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Pooh

Dearest Jane.  I feel so badly for you.  I know you want nothing more than to take care of those boys and you are doing everything you can to see they are taken care of well.  Hang in there and jump through these silly hoops so those boys can have a better life.  Unfortunately I have heard horror stories about CPS from many others.  I know they have a job to do, but it seems they become complacent after going through the motions over and over.  Please, please try to keep your emotions in check when dealing with them because frankly, they can make the process shorter or longer.  I know it's hard when you see how much better off the boys will be to get it done quickly.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Keys Girl

Dear Jane, you obviously have the courage of a lion to deal with this situation and you might just call upon the spirit of Nelson Mandela in these trying times.

Here are my thoughts.  If you aren't already, document everything, on paper, on the computer, turn your phone on, tuck it into your pocked and video tape the next session with "The Powers That Be".

This is a marathon..............the finish line is when you get those boys.........don't volunteer any info because they are documenting everything that comes out of your mouth, to maybe use it against you in the future.

I have found the phrase "What else do you need from me?" say it through clenched teeth if you have to.  Send an email with that phrase once a week.  If you get a snarky reply, answer "Just checking"

Don't focus on the plans that won't come to fruition.  Summer may be over, but fall is a wonderful time to spend a month planning for Halloween........get your car decorated like a Star Wars space ship........figure out what you will use to make light sabres, record the soundtrack and test drive it while blasting those wonderful notes down the street.  If you don't get the boys then, plan for Christmas.........plan ahead, plan ahead.........always have something to look forward to ........don't let those

Whatever you do, no matter how severely you are provoked, never lose your temper, or bad mouth them.  This is just like going through customs to get on the airplane.  Your destination is in sight, but you have to be patient. 

In being patient with those "who need to be obeyed" you are paying your dues with them.  I realize that they can be as dumb as planks, as stupid as a bag of hammers but they have the "Keys" to the joy and laughter you'll have eventually with your grandchildren.

KG
"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

JaneF

STILL waiting for the grandsons to be here, and to be honest I am sort of between sad and furious!  The caseworker doing our "home study" is not making my life easy, and that is putting it mildly.  We were made to go do fingerprinting AGAIN, even though it was done only a year and a half ago when the grandsons were placed in my home back then.  They came in and looked at our home then too, but they have been here twice already and will be here again the 30th of this month.  I said to the caseworker "why can't the boys be placed here while we do the home study", and "I really feel my time would be better spent getting the children into counseling and getting the little one enrolled in head start before there are no spots left, and he has an IEP already at age 4, so this is quite important for him".  The guy said this to me...are you ready?  "If you are too busy to do what we want you to do, then maybe you are too busy to take these children".  Lets just say this...I was livid, (understatement)...and I said and I again quote "Don't you threaten me!!!!!!"  I want to speak to your supervisor and immediately!  The hoops we are having to jump through increase each week.  We both have to write autobiographies even!  My problem is that the paperwork, mountains of it that ask the same questions over and over and over again, are all geared towards those going to be foster parents, and we are not.  So a question like would you be willing to take in a child of a different race or culture? is moot!  How do I answer that...I have explained we are not going to be foster parents.  My daughter has told CPS and so has the childrens biological father that they would like to sign over guardianship of the children to us...so really this is all unecessary.  When I said this to CPS they told me that since the original PLAN was for the children to be reunited with their mother (my daughter), we will need to take this in front of a judge to get him to APPROVE the change of plan!  What???  So they have no problem giving these kids back to a parent who had not one meth lab on the property the kids resided in, but THREE, the step dad was bouncing one childs head off the refrigerator and bloodies his eye, the boys are locked in the bedroom from the outside while they dangerously cook meth...and the judge needs to approve the change?  Ladies, I have to shake my head at that.  The system has gone totally mad.  CPS wants proof we are married, proof of our income, our religious affiliation, we have to have physicals to prove we are able to care for the kids even though we are raising their sister already etc.  Oh yeah, we had to provide 9 or 10 references too.  One is our pediatrician, one is the middle school principal, one is the teacher one grandson had last year while here, one is the daycare provider for my grandaughter for several years until she reached school age....but NOW, CPS wants our pediatrician to write a paragraph stating she appears to be in good health (how dare they question that!), and also is asking the doctor if he feels taking on foster children will impact my grandaughter negatively!  LOL  LOL  LOL  These people are something else!  We are not taking foster kids but I can't get them to see that clearly I guess.  I can picture going to our pediatrician and saying fill this out please.  Then he says oh you are taking in foster children?  I'll say no.  He will look at me with a puzzled look and probably think I have lost my mind!  I called my attorney this past week.  I am tired of fooling with idiots.  She referred me to an attorney in that county (over 3 hours away from our home town).  Unfortunately we will be spending money that could be used for the childrens needs, but we have no choice.  I really appreciate all of your kind advice I really do.  But I have to be honest here...it is NOT in my nature to bow down and kiss these caseworkers feet when THEY ultimately have been guilty of neglecting to protect these children, not me.  Since the parents both agree to the guardianship actually, this makes all of the paperwork and stuff unecessary.  Their bedrooms are both ready, and with my grandaughters great artistic flair they are quite fabulous rooms!  We will ultimately be given the boys we know that.  They just want to make it harder simply because I am quite vocal and question their objectives, and they don't like their power trips disrupted!  LOL  Too bad...yep, this particular grandma will fight like a lion for these sweet kids...let the fight begin.  On a good note my daughter seems to be doing okay, the bipolar meds are helping her now.  I hope she will do as she says she will and fight to recover from the evils of drug addiction.  Time will tell, and only she can do that.  I continue to write to her each and every day except one day a week for a break for me.  My grandaughter writes a few times a week and draws her pictures and writes poems, and sends song lyrics of songs she enjoys.  The braces come off this next week already, and her teeth are beautiful!  Thanks for letting me rant once again, it truly helps just to vent.  Blessings to you all.   J

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pen

JaneF, I'm glad we can be here for you. I hope this all gets cleared up ASAP! It'll be worth it when you finally have your GSs under your roof.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

JaneF

What another week it has been.  I am sad today.  It is my youngest grandsons birthday, but no party invitation for us.  I have his gifts sitting here ready.  My grandaughter is sad too.  We are still jumping through ridiculous hoops by DFS, CPS whatever you call them (I prefer another term!)...Luise you can edit that out if you want, I just couldn't help myself!  The braces are off and grandaughters teeth are lovely.  She is very happy, and we are happy for her.  This week on our "Home Visit" by DFS, CPS we had to show proof we were married, income proof, have our photo taken in front of our home (to prove we have that too????), had to bring one of the dogs in to the guy to prove the shots and tags are current ....HUH???  They wanted our religious affiliation too.  Proof of homeowners insurance, car insurance, then the guy wanted all of our parents names and birthdays, all of our siblings, and were they married, any children and then what their employment was too!  I really do not know what this has to do with me taking my grandsons in, but whatever.  This fella told us possibly the boys could be placed here as soon as fingerprints and background checks come out and are clear...well, they did, and nope, no date for placement still...another lie.  It's looking like the doctor appointments I have set for them to do meds and well check will need to be cancelled, as well as back to school hair cut appointments.  The older grandson is still not on his ADHD meds.  I have their school clothes ready and the older childrens school supplies are ready as well.  Little britches has a "pack pack" as he calls it for IF he ever gets here and gets enrolled in Head Start program.  Grandaughter had her sports physical yesterday too, and plans to try out for volleyball this month...we wish her luck, but she knows if she does not make that then she can do other things...what a great kid she is.  She is now attending a "youth group" at (not sure how to put this so as not to break the rules) our chosen "spiritual place"???  Sorry, and if that is not allowed feel free to remove that too!  She loves it at any rate, and has made new friends.  I feel comfortable there and welcome also...nice feeling.  We plan a little mini vacation this month to do some camping, hiking, walking the dogs, cooking outdoors, fishing etc...we were sure hoping to have the boys with us then of course.  My daughter calls daily, and sounds more like her "real self" more each day.  The bipolar meds are working, and her head is clear and drug free.  She answers all of my difficult questions honestly, though it is hard to hear sometimes.  I have to hope this terrible chain of events will be a lesson like she claims it has been.  Time will tell of course.  I live in the SHOW ME state!  lol  At least her willingness to grant my husband and I complete guardianship of her children is a wise choice for her, and she says so.  She now knows they need stability, and to be safe, and knows I will provide them that.  When she is well, she is such a different person to be honest.  Her bipolar disorder is so severe, and then the awful choices she makes adds to it.  Her disability will be reinstated upon her release, whenever that is.  I have wished a million times she was free of that horrible mental disorder...but it is what it is.  Of all things to inherit from her dad huh?  (my ex husband).  He chooses to have nothing to do with his children or grandchildren, as that would cramp his style!  He is the one who misses out though.  The grandchildren really do not know him at all...probably for the best considering how he is.  My husband has always been "papa" to them.  He is a kind, gentle spirit, and I adore him.  I am getting heavy eyes as I sit here, I may need a power nap.  My sweet dogs are cuddling here with me and are fast asleep.  My grandaughter has a friend over and they are playing nicely.  Thanks for allowing me to vent once again.  J

luise.volta

Ridiculous as it all is...it's gonna' work, J! We're right here for you. I heard the cutest definition of patience just yesterday from a friend's great grandson, age seven. He said it's "Waiting, happily." (That's my definition of anticipation...but then, I'm not seven. LOL!)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

JaneF

Waiting Happily...I like that.  Thanks Luise.  I am really trying to "wait happily", but the thought of the boys beginning school in that place where all the kids and their parents know the situation, and the kids were being mean to my grandson, I feel sad for him.  I don't like the idea of him starting school and being jerked out and having to change schools once again.  So hard on a kid, especially one that's been through as much as that one has.  Also I just want to hold them and hug them and read bedtime stories and tell them they will be SAFE now with grandma and papa and big sister.  I'll try to be more patient, but I have to admit the red tape and the ridiculous process is making me nuts!   :P  Blessings to all of you here.   J

luise.volta

I get it...I really do...and I would be so far from "waiting happily", if I were in your shoes. I just want to say something positive and don't know what that is...except you are winning, albeit at a snails pace for no valid reason...so the kids will win...soon! Yes!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

FAFE

Jane, you know what, this may be the time to take your case to your local representatives, mayor, congressman, etc.  When my daughter and SIL was adopting a baby a couple of years ago, their fingerprint and home study had run out in September, and the baby was to be born in October.  They finally had to go to their local officials to get all this on the fast track.  I cannot believe what "they" are putting y'all through.  Apparently y'all were good enough to take them before!  This just makes me want to hurt someone.  You are and have been an angel for those kids.  Best of luck to you.

JaneF

Thanks for the support ladies.  At least I got to call and speak to the grandsons last evening and tell the little one Happy Birthday...although the foster mother lives out in the country and only has a cell phone, no land line THUS no signal most of the time!  We lost signal and had dropped calls 5 times during the time I was trying to visit with the children, and I intend to have THAT issue addressed as well.  I do intend to begin calling congressman, representatives, and the GAL will be back from vacation on Aug 6, and I will most certainly be giving him a call!  Sadly last night the foster mother informed me the boys were going to begin school there...so apparently they have NO plans to hurry this up at all, so I am once again angry.  School begins here in about 3 weeks, so who knows how long they plan to play games with me.  Can't they get an emergency court hearing and change the permanency plan to get those children in their permanent placement?  I THOUGHT that was a goal for DFS or CPS...another load of bologna if you ask me.  I really am opposed to them being jerked and changing schools on top of what they have already endured.  I honestly see no reason why they should not be placed here, then we can get the guardianship established etc.  I am sure they are really tired of hearing from me, and they really don't like what I have to say to them...but it appears I am the only one who genuinely cares for the best interests of those boys.  J

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Keys Girl

Jane, have you checked up on the background of the people that you are dealing with in those agencies?  If you can find a "skeleton" in someone's closet perhaps you can have to case transferred to someone who might get some steam on.  There's lots of info online.  Herb Cohen's book, "You can negotiate anything" might give you some ideas of how to deal with people who might be stonewalling you.  (Not sure if I can mention this book here but if not please remove the reference)

Hang in there,

KG
"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

luise.volta

No copyright infringement recommending a title...just quoting.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

JaneF

Thanks again for the replies, you have no idea how much it helps.  It has been another very difficult and stressful week I'm afraid.  I have called the childrens guardian ad litem every day since he returned from vacation, but no response back.  I finally called his office again today and said bluntly that I have been calling him every day, and I called well over a month ago and no reply then either, and I need to speak to him!  She put him right on the phone.  lol  I told him about first being threatened by a DFS (CPS) caseworker, told him I was lied to about the fact that if fingerprinting and background check came back clean I could have the children placed here then, I told him that on August 7th this same caseworker told me he would be back Monday the 12th of August and he would then need a diagram from both myself and my husband of our family tree for three generations (what the heck for???), even though we already gave our parents names, birthdates, all sibling and birthdates, their kids etc...then the caseworker said he'd speed up our case a bit by bringing me BLANK report forms to sign, then he would fill in later...does he take me for an idiot?  lol  I told the childrens attorney that DFS has also known for well over 6 weeks that my daughter and the kids biological father wish for me to have guardianship, yet they have not even petitioned the judge to get that ball rolling.  I told the G.A.L. that I am in fear because this particular caseworker already told me he wouldn't approve me for foster parenting due to the impact it might have on my 14 year old grandaughter I'm raising.  Hmmm, really, so when did this guy become a licensed therapist to know how my grandaughter would be impacted...and besides we are taking (trying) her brothers, not foster kids.  I have had it with this caseworker and I did tell childrens attorney I had spoken to my attorney (true), and if I do decide to file suit, and I may, it will not be on a state level, it will be in Federal Court (been doing my research).  I have been so stressed and upset trying to jump through the hoops, I totally forgot to go to the required physical I had scheduled with my doctor at 2pm today.  I am so very upset, now doctor is mad I'm sure, but it was not intentional...and I simply was exhausted and fell asleep, I DO work third shift after all and it's hard to stay awake for so many hours.  I'll be happy to pay for the office call, whatever.  The doctors office was supposed to call me back to reschedule my appointment, but they have not done so.  Story of my life.  lol  I am also upset about some "requirements" the caseworker said he had to do.  For instance one question he asked was if we have a good support system for if we need to talk to anyone if we are upset or stressed.  Boy they look for anything don't they?  We said yes we have good friends and family...well so the guy said even though you say that I am REQUIRED to write a NEED down, so he said he would put my husband needs to remember to use his support when needed...who said my husband didn't do that?  I am livid at the junk he is pulling.  I am at least hopeful that the kids attorney will be helpful now.  He did not seem very happy about what has been going on (he has been on vacation for a month).  He told me when we were ending our conversation he is calling the other DFS caseworkers in the other county about what has been going on.  I also let this man know I had been trying to get help for these children for YEARS and DFS never did anything and I told them something was going to happen to endanger these kids and it sure did.  I got his attention now.  On a good note, grandaughter is doing well and loves her now youth group.  She is at a lock-in tonite actually there with that group of friends.  Scavenger hunt is planned, then movies and games!  She is so happy her braces are off and her teeth are beautiful.  Not sure how to put this without breaking rules, so please delete if needed, but I love our new place of worship, and have made some good friends there already.  Pastor is wonderful and makes you feel welcome and as if you are part of a family...I am blessed.  Oh I left out another thing I told kids attorney, drat!  I told him I was upset that the kids would have to begin school there, then be plucked out and moved again after they already have suffered so much trauma, and I felt that was not in there best interests.  I told him about little ones IEP issues which add to that not being good for him.  The weather here has been great for August, which is lovely too.  Ladies, I so appreciate your allowing me to come here to release the stress.  You all are truly amazing, and just letting it out took about a ton of weight off my shoulders it seems.  Thanks so much.  Blessings to all.  J