Long Time, no check in...UPDATE on our status!

[JaneF]

Well ladies, here we are a few months after my daughter and her husband are arrested for the meth lab in the home with my grandsons residing there.  You know what?  I STILL almost faint when I say those words or even think it.  My daughter has done a HUGE amount of changing during this time to be honest.  I did not initially speak to her or accept calls etc.  After several weeks I did finally accept her call.  I figured she was definitely clear headed by this point, so we could have a clear conversation, if you will.  She said in that first conversation she does not plan to plead not guilty because she knows full well what she has done and just wants to take responsibility for her actions.  She is aware that there will be harsh consequences, but stated she deserves that.  She has apologized many, many times, by phone and letter...to me as well as the children.  She has not really asked for anything from me but a few minor things.  She has asked for some stamps and envelopes to just be able to let the children know she is okay ( the two older ones are really struggling with this latest mess).  Also she wants to keep me aware of issues.  The county jail where she WAS awaiting speedy trial due to wanting to just accept punishment and prepares to go to voluntary drug treatment while there did see to it she was put on bipolar meds, which is very important due to the severity of my daughters illness (obviously...), that is why she WAS on disabilty.  Notice I keep saying WAS???  Well June 18 was her trial date.  I chose not to go because although I know she understands and accepts what ever consequences she will get, as her mom I don't think I could have stood hearing it all.  I am angry at her choices as you all know, but I still love her, she is my child.  My daughter got sentenced to 15 years, and 5 years total.  They dropped a few of the charges but she was convicted of the largest one, manufacturing meth with children in the residence.  She told them the entire truth, and I have to say even though I am mortified at what she's done, I am proud of her for just being honest and real about it.  Her husband on the other hand is fighting it with all his might!  He sent letters to her in jail and broke the rules by doing so, but he asked her to take all the blame so he could get off...he is a convicted felon (drugs), so he may as well plan on prison time too.  I found out that the night before their arrests this man hit my then 9 year old grandson hard enough to bounce his face off the refrigerator and bloody an eye...I am LIVID!  My daughter reported it (after she hauled off and punched this fella in the very same eye as hard as she could).  Sadly this is all a little too late.  My daughter is now incarcerated in one of the womens correctional facilities, and my grandsons are still in foster care.  I was allowed to see my daughter the night before she was taken away (behind glass walls).  My grandaughter insisted on seeing her as well...she is now 14 years old.  I was allowed to attend my grandsons 10th birthday party in June also.  It was a long 7 hour drive (that is total drive time).  I am now trying to get the boys out of foster care.  We did not sell the big house (coincidence??? I think not  lol).  We will live in it, and we HOPE to have the grandsons there with us soon...if Child Protective Services will cooperate.  The foster mother (who really is a neat lady, and actually a teacher at head start program where my grandson attends), slipped up at the party and stated to me that she is licensed to adopt children, but she had planned adopting one child, not two....I almost passed out.  I am thinking the very people who for years refused to listen when I, two different schools, school counselor and licensed therapist, and several other people, a hospital, and a physician tried to get those children help...NOW they are going to fight giving them to their grandmother who already has been raising their older sibling, and who has never been in trouble, and who can provide a nice childhood for them?  Well, I plan to fight!  We are busy lately as always.  Grandaughter finished level 3 on swim lessons (has a goal to be lifeguard next summer at age 15!  Her braces are doing great,  she has volleyball tryouts next month and the physical required to do so, marching band practice to begin first week of school, and we are taking her (and her tribe of pets) on a much needed relaxing camping and fishing retreat this week.  I do not know actually how long my daughter will be incarcerated but she has a "chance" of doing much shorter time if she continues to do well and follows through with treatment in there et...but how much time I have no clue.  I will raise the children (if allowed to) as long as they need me to!  I am only in my early 50's I CAN do this!  Thank you for allowing me to rant on so!  Blessings to you all, and hope you all have a most joyous Fourth of July Holiday!  J

[luise.volta]

What a tough, long, difficult journey, J. This is the place to rant...and it often helps. To me, you sound strong, realistic and focused. I find that totally amazing! Sending love...

[confusedbyinlaws]

I am so sorry all of this has happened.  But the way you describe it, your daughter's attitude sounds really promising.  I hope you are able to get your grandchildren with you, while she does her incarceration and treatment and I hope she is able to beat this addiction.  I have noticed that many meth addicts are bipolar, and started out using meth to self-medicate.  Meth is the worst drug!  I am so glad she is getting help and seems receptive to it.  It does sound hopeful

[JaneF]

Good news!  Had a telephone conference this morning, and my 2 grandsons will be coming to live with us as soon as the home study is completed!  I am so very relieved.  Sooooo, moving BACK to the big house and taking the for sale sign down!  lol  Have a very busy few weeks coming up now.  Plan to get arrangements started for the little one to get into Head Start School, get the 10 year old enrolled in 5th grade, getting 2 twin beds for them, doctors and counseling appointments set up...just to mention a few!  I hope my energy level is good!  I will have guardianship also, no more worrying about them being removed and jerked about...stability for them at last.  Plan to learn new methods of positive reinforcement, learn to cook again for a larger family, and learn how to delegate chores and use a reward system for that as well...whew.  Well, thanks again for listening.  I am still in shock, but am very happy at the same time.  Have a joyous day ladies.  J
 

[luise.volta]

Totally Fantastic, J!  The boys luck has changed! :-))))))))))))))))) My hat is off to you and I'm sending love...

[confusedbyinlaws]

I'm so happy to hear this.

[Keys Girl]

Jane, you ROCK!!

Your grandchildren are so lucky to have you fighting for them and taking care of them.

Hopefully this is the turning point in your daughter's journey that will lead her to a life of responsibility as well as getting the medical treatment that she needs.

Have fun getting it all organized,

KG

[Pooh]

So happy for you!  I know that you have been worried to death about the boys.  They are very lucky to have you Jane.

[Pen]

Jane, thanks for the updates! Good news all around. Keep taking whatever vitamins you've been on, you'll need your strength, lol. So happy for you & the kids! I hope DD continues to progress and that things go well for her too.

[nikncon]

What a wonderful caring grandma you are.Such lucky boys to have you as their Guardian Angel.

[JaneF]

We still do not have the grandsons, and were told yesterday by CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES of course that the home study process could take 30 to 90 days to complete!  I am frustrated.  I requested the children be here by the time school begins BECAUSE they have been yanked and pulled and moved so many times, especially the oldest one in and out of school repeatedly in one year alone...I feel this is a trauma to him.  Also if the little one isn't here, there will be no space available for him in Head Start.  The child is 4 years old and already has an IEP, he NEEDS to be in school this year since he cannot begin kindergarten for another year.  Although my husband and I went through fingerprinting the last time a year and a half ago...we have to do it again since it is a "DIFFERENT CASE" they say.  We have to have a physical, supply references again, they had to come to our home to make sure we had room, fire extinguishers, smoke detectors, running water...this is the SAME house as last time, but they can't use any info already on file.  I told the "caseworker" how angry I am at all this, and I felt it was really a lot of wasted time when I could be caring for the children!  This is what he said to me and I QUOTE!  "MAYBE IF YOU ARE TOO BUSY TO DO ALL THESE THINGS WE ARE ASKING YOU TO DO, THEN YOU ARE TOO BUSY TO TAKE MORE CHILDREN INTO YOUR HOME".  I AM LIVID TO SAY THE LEAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I told him flat out "DON'T YOU THREATEN ME"!!!!!  Then I asked for his supervisor, and i got a call back...no different result.  I apologize right now if I offend anyone here, but if you ask ME, if anyone is guilty here of neglecting the health and welfare of these children it would be Child Protective Services themselves!  Perhaps if they had taken all of the hotline calls from me,  two schools, a hospital, a professional counselor (2 actually), and a few regular folks...we MIGHT not be dealing with this now!  Please forgive me for being so angry, but the little ones birthday is in less than two weeks and I am crushed he will not be here.  I have 2 bedrooms all made up in a camping site theme with tents, camp chairs, boats, and ducks...plus stacks of books for bedtime stories...and all these paper pushers want is to make this harder on the children.  They have asked if I want to be "licensed for foster care" so I can get financial money from the State...and I flatly said I want no part of your money...it would mean control by your agency...absolutely NOT!  As soon as guardianship is established those folks are OUT!  This also means the vacation time we were planning to use to take all 3 children is dashed.  Another blow.  By the time they arrive it will be too chilly for much camping and swimming weather.  Thanks for allowing me to rant once again.  I hope I didn't offend anyone, and Luise if I did, or I have upset someone I will understand if you delete my post in part, or in full.  I just had to vent.  J

[Pen]

JaneF, so sorry to hear of your frustrations with a bureaucracy. It seems to happen in lots of cases where resources are stretched thin and people are afraid of being caught not doing their jobs correctly/efficiently. You've gone above & beyond for these kids; maybe your competence threatens the workers who get paid for doing something you're doing for free. The agency dealing with my DDD's health & welfare has a similar attitude to your caseworker. It's very frustrating since we have no choice but to go through them to take care of our loved ones.

[Didi.lost]

OMG Jane so sorry to hear your getting such a hard time from them.  You can rant here all you want.  That's
why we are all here.

Hang in there a little longer.  I will pray you get those little boys soon.

You are a wonderful person.

(((Hugs)))

[nanaabby]

Oh Dear Jane ~ My heart truly breaks for your situation and your precious grandchildren.  I know the system flat-out sucks, been there with them years ago.  Please come here and vent anytime.  I know these wise ladies will have the words to guide you through!

Keep a firm attitude with Child Protective Services as you've been doing.  Fight with all your might for those darling babies!

I hope the remaining "red tape" gets sorted very soon.  Your grandchildren are so lucky to have you.

[luise.volta]

JF - You are sharing your experience. I've never been through what you're successfully navigating and I have nothing but the deepest respect for you. We are not a sweep it under the rug or cover it with sweet icing Website. We ask that each one of us owns her own feelings and doesn't step on anyone else's. You always post within those parameters. Capitalizing when disagreeing with another poster isn't acceptable because it becomes personal. You don't do that. And if, after writing a post in a white fury, you want to soften it, it's possible to go in and modify it. That option was restored some time back. I'm certainly not going to. Sending love...