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First Grand

Started by Stilllearning, June 19, 2013, 10:05:33 am

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Stilllearning

My first grandchild is due in August.  My DIL and most of her FOO have been less than welcoming and my DS has broken most contact with us.  They have been married for a little more than 2 years and are both quite young for today's averages on marriage and childbirth.  Both are 23.  My DIL is about to graduate college (yeah!) but my son is nowhere close since he has had to work full time to put her through school.  My son did call me for Mother's day and he managed to send an e-mail to DH before midnight on Father's day (11:40pm) so there is some movement toward contact this year, maybe because they are pregnant?  They had not called or sent a text or emailed for any occasion since they got married before this year.  Sooo......

I got an invitation to a baby shower for her and franky I do not want to go.  If it is anything like her bridal shower she will be practically sitting in her Mother's lap and all of her family will pick apart anything I say.  Fortunately they have all unfriended me on Facebook so I will not know what they are saying about me.  Unfortunately they have not unfriended my family members so, well, you get the picture.

I need a way to bow out gracefully, without ruffling feathers......any suggestions?
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown

Lillycache

Boy... do I understand THAT picture..  You at least found out relatively soon what the deal was with her and her family.  MY DIL and her FOO were far more discrete..  It was 10 years before I found out that I was the debil incarnate and every move or statement I made had been cataloged, classified,  and filed away for future reference.  They are that "sweet as sugar, stab you in the back"  kind of folks.    As far as the "bowing out gracefully".... I don't blame you one bit.  I would simply not respond to the RSVP.. OR... simply send your regrets.  That's what I did when I got an invitation to my GDs First Communion.. DS called me to see if I was coming and I declined..  He told me he completely understood and that was the end of it.

Stilllearning

Lilly, could it be that easy??
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown

Lillycache

I guess I am fortunate that my DS is understanding of my situation with his wife..and her family... and is not happy about how I was treated..  therefore, not angry with me about my decision to not attend..  So no.. it may not be that easy for you with your DS.

luise.volta

I would send a grand gift for the first grand as a grand gesture and be out of town. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Keys Girl

I would not reply to the invite, but call a local bakery and send a huge array of fancy "baby" cupcakes.  I agree with Luise, be out of town........at a spa.

Good luck,
KG
"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

Pooh

I agree.  Send a nice gift and let it be. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Pooh

And may I add, it's kind of funny how perspective changes when you get down the road.  I was upset that I didn't get an invitation to my OS/DIL baby shower, but now looking back, I much prefer that it happened that way instead of having to deal with what you guys are dealing with.  I never had to figure out how to bow out gracefully, since I didn't even get asked to dance. :)
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Stilllearning

I decided that you were right!  I looked for a baby registry (isn't the internet wonderful!) and found one on Amazon!!  Lucky me!!  I ordered one of the things they requested, got it gift wrapped and sent it to them (even though I do not know where they live, Amazon does and so do some of my relatives and I won't ask them.  If DS wants me to know where he lives he will tell me...).  Done and over!  Thank you so much for your wonderful advice! 
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown

Stilllearning

June 19, 2013, 03:40:52 pm #9 Last Edit: June 19, 2013, 06:32:22 pm by luise.volta
I went and hated it when the bridal shower was given by my wonderful SIL (brother's wife).  I gave a nice gift.  I kept quiet.  I smiled.  I oohed and aahed.  Got me nowhere.  For this shower I was only invited for the gift.  So now I sent the gift, avoided the tension, kept the lines open and did not torture myself for an afternoon.  It would be different if they showed an iota of interest in my life.  My DH is currently laid off and they know it.  All I have ever gotten from her or her family is requests for money or gifts.  I will not buy love, not even for a GC.  Maybe some day they will rethink the seeds they are sowing.....
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown

Keys Girl

Quote from: JoAnna 16 on June 19, 2013, 02:06:18 pm
I decided that you were right!  I looked for a baby registry (isn't the internet wonderful!) and found one on Amazon!!  Lucky me!!  I ordered one of the things they requested, got it gift wrapped and sent it to them (even though I do not know where they live, Amazon does and so do some of my relatives and I won't ask them.  If DS wants me to know where he lives he will tell me...).  Done and over!  Thank you so much for your wonderful advice!


They are looking for gifts, want you to attend a shower but won't give you their address?? and your husband was laid off but they are still looking for gifts?
You have my sympathy, my DS gave me this "no address" treatment and it's quite nasty.  Glad you aren't going to waste an afternoon with these folks.

KG


"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

Stilllearning

Thanks Keys Girl!!  I am still trying to 'take the high road' and not sink.....
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown

Keys Girl

Hey, Joanna, you are already on the high road, you aren't hiding your address and sending gifts. 

Cheers,
KG
"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

Stilllearning

Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown