Long time coming

[constantmargaret]

Hi ladies,
I have been away from this site for some time. I came here originally when my 17 year old son estranged from me. After a year of obsessing about the estrangement and reading here every day, I decided that I should probably try to kick the habit and start living life. I want to update you now because you all were so wonderful to me when I was down and out.

The situation with my son resolved on Easter. I unexpectedly ran into him at his brother's, and nobody was more shocked than I when he approached me with a hug and an apology. He also apologized to my husband. I have since seen him 4 times. He took me out to brunch on Mother's Day, and he invited me to see him and his girlfriend at her prom. Hopefully we can continue to leave what I think was parental alienation behind us and move closer as mother and son. However, if we don't, I know I will be sad, but ok.

Part of me didn't want to come back here. It pains me to see so many good people here hurting. I will never forget that agony. But I need to thank you for the good advice you gave me and for just getting what I was going through. I can't tell you how much it helped me. The best advice I got here was when I was desperate to tell my son why he was wrong to believe the lies his father told him and wrote a long letter explaining it all. The overwhelming response was, "Don't send it." I read that letter the other day, and I cringe thinking I nearly sent it. It would have been like pouring gasoline on a bonfire.

I am glad I did not chase my son. He said he didn't want to see me and with your support, I gave him what he wanted. I feel like that may have helped him to see me as a person with feelings rather than just Mom who will always be there no matter how much I abuse her. Maybe it didn't help him, I don't know. What I do know is that not chasing him and letting him go helped me. Whether or not he and I had ever reconciled, it is what I needed to do for me. This was a wonderful place for me to get my head screwed on. You guys helped me take back my self respect. Thank you. I sincerely hope every one of you gets the outcome you desire and deserve.

[Pen]

CM, it's so great to hear from you! I'm glad to know things have improved for you and your DS. What a good story for those who have just joined and are reeling as well as for the rest of us. You've been an important part of our healing and progress, too. Thanks!

[Pearls]

Thanks so much for sharing your story.  I just discovered this group.  My adult daughter has been shunning me and it's hard not to be discouraged.  The possibility of a happy ending like yours is what keeps me going.  You have no idea how much you helped me by sharing your joy.  Thanks again.

[Keys Girl]

Nice to hear from you again, CM, and happy to hear that things are moving in the right direction.

Cheers, KG

[Whitney]

Margaret, it is so WONDERFUL to hear good news! Thank you for sharing your joy 

[luise.volta]

Re-welcoming you this morning!    Thank you for checking in with such good news. And I do remember your story! I think the fact that you kept the letter you didn't send and have been able to see it in a new light upon rereading it, is a lesson for all of us. It could have been your son who kept it and reread it. What a lesson there is for all of us in that. Written...and not sent, it was an expression your immediate perceptions and emotions...written and sent it might have been something that would keep you forever estranged. What a win!

[Pooh]

That is so great CM!  I am so happy for you!

[constantmargaret]

Absolutely Luise! Even though everything in the letter was true, I doubt it would have been helpful because he didn't want to hear it. So yes, it was a good lesson, and I would suggest anyone going through this to try it. Go dark.

You don't want me in your life? Ok, fine. You don't have to tell me twice. Ok, he did have to tell me twice, but I didn't quite believe him the first time. Hahah  As a mother, I found that keeping my mouth shut went against every single instinct I had but I am grateful I didn't stoop to my ex husband's level, and I felt that way even before my DS came around.

It's ironic. As desperate as I was then to tell my son my side of things, I think now if he ever suddenly gave me the opportunity to do so, I'd tell him it's none of his business. 

[luise.volta]

I love that last statement! One of favorite saying is: "What you think of me is none of my business!" 

[elsieshaye]

You don't want me in your life? Ok, fine. You don't have to tell me twice. Ok, he did have to tell me twice, but I didn't quite believe him the first time. Hahah  As a mother, I found that keeping my mouth shut went against every single instinct I had but I am grateful I didn't stoop to my ex husband's level, and I felt that way even before my DS came around.

It's ironic. As desperate as I was then to tell my son my side of things, I think now if he ever suddenly gave me the opportunity to do so, I'd tell him it's none of his business. 

I like that, CM!