Author Topic: I am a single mother with 16 and 10 years old  (Read 805 times)

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I am a single mother with 16 and 10 years old
« on: May 26, 2010, 09:22:17 PM »
M y 16 years old pretend to be quiet around me but with his friends, he get all excited. He does not listen he does thinks his mind tells him to do. We recently moved from New Jersey to Dallas TX. Due to a lot of problems. I will get into it in my next. He doesnt want to sturdy failing most of His subjects. A lot going on in my life that makes me very unhappy. Please help me.
Thank you, Vi

Offline luise.volta

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Re: I am a single mother with 16 and 10 years old
« Reply #1 on: May 26, 2010, 09:41:04 PM »
Well, the first thing we can do is say welcome. From most of us, the problems with teenage sons is known only too well. I can't tell you what to do. Mine just grew out of it and yes, two of the big issues were not studying and having a smart mouth. I didn't matter much what I did...I wasn't able to fix either. They turned out to be wonderful men although the eldest spent the rest of his much-too-short life blaming me for everything that went wrong. The other thinks I walk on water. Go figure! What I'm saying, I guess, is that at the edge of adulthood, for me at least, it was pretty much out of my hands. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Pooh

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Re: I am a single mother with 16 and 10 years old
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2010, 06:15:09 AM »
Welcome Vi.  I too raised two sons, and just as Luise and Anna have said, what you are going through is perfectly normal.  Doesn't make it any easier to get through, but normal.  At some point during their teen years, I think every teenager is struggling to become independent.  They feel they are grown up when in reality, we know, they still have much growing to do.  Some of them lash out against rules, parents and school feeling like they need to make a stand to try and show they are all grown up.  Some just go with the flow and do much better.  Mine were like Anna's with one becoming very smart aleck and refusing to do homework.  The other just kind of kept quiet and didn't talk to me as much as he used to.  Never know how they are going to react to that age of becoming.

My best advice that helped me through it is just a few things.  1.  Hold your ground and stick to your rules.  Let him know that even though you realize he is growing up, he still has to follow the rules and do well in school.  If he doesn't, follow your normal discipline and STICK with it.  When he sees that his attitude is only making it worse and that you are not going to give it, he will eventually get it.  May take a while, but it will eventually sink in.  2.  Don't argue with him.  When you say something and he starts arguing, put a stop to it.  I always gave my sons a reason for what I was saying.  I never said, "Because I said so."  I would say something like, "No you can not go to your friends because you did not finish your homework.  You know the rules."  And that was it.  If he started arguing, I would look at him and say, "I gave you my reason and you are not changing my mind so end of conversation.  We can try again tomorrow and if you complete your homework tomorrow, you can go."  And walk off. At that age, they love to argue and think if they argue with you enough, you will get tired of it and give in.  Whatever you do, don't or you will set a precedent that the next time he can argue you into submission again.  And the cycle will continue.  3.  Love him.  Understand this is normal and that he is just trying to grow up.

I wish you the best of luck and sympathize with you that it is a tough time for both of you.
« Last Edit: May 27, 2010, 06:17:56 AM by Pooh »
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell