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How often is it the oldest AC?

Started by Stilllearning, April 03, 2013, 09:07:28 pm

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Stilllearning

April 03, 2013, 09:07:28 pm Last Edit: April 03, 2013, 09:14:43 pm by luise.volta
Just curious because I know my parents and my wonderful ILs had problems with their oldest and I am having problems with my oldest.  Could you please let me know where in the birth order your problem AC is? 
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown

Stilllearning

Misspelled it!!  Sorry!  And yes....I checked out the "look here first" page or what ever you call it.   :)
Your mind is a garden your thoughts are the seeds
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
Author unknown

luise.volta

I fixed it.  :)

And, it was my eldest AC that was the "experimental model." I think I worked too hard at it and was over-involved and over protective. Maybe not, it's hard to know after the fact but I was much more relaxed and accepting with his younger brother, who is our Webmaster here on WWU. I'm 86 and he is 58 and we're loyal friends who enjoy each other's company, share a lot of stuff and don't live in each other's pockets.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

nikncon


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MollyM

Mine too - but mine are only a year and 15 days apart.  It was like raising twins until they got into Jr. high . . . but they are as different as night and day.  Of course, the oldest was abused and the youngest wasn't.  I'm sure that made a huge difference.

"Alfred Adler, a contemporary of Freud and Jung, first put forth the idea, claiming that when a child is born deeply impacts their personality. According to Adler, eldest children are socially dominant, highly intellectual, and extremely conscientious. Unfortunately, they're also less open to new ideas, and prone to perfectionism and people pleasing - the result of losing both parents' undivided attention at an early age, and working throughout their lives to get it back."

http://www.education.com/magazine/article/Ed_First_Born_Only_How/

"First, there has been an increase in self-focused behaviors and thinking in our culture.  Young people often feel that their individual needs are more important than the needs of others.    People prioritize personal happiness in a relationship rather than duty or tradition.  When a parent-child or husband-wife relationship experiences an ebb in passion, people say "I'm not happy" and simply move on."

http://www.bu.edu/fsao/2012/07/13/when-your-adult-child-doesn%E2%80%99t-want-you/

I know my son says that I like his brother best.  It's not my fault that my younger son and I are so much alike. We are movie geeks, love soundtracks more than classical music, love the same kinds of music and are always texting each other links to new music we've discovered, talking about the books we've read, the movies we've seen, etc.  My oldest was never a reader, never got into movies that much and listened to acid rock.  That's who he is.  But I'm who I am and the youngest son is who he is and IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT WE ARE FRIENDS!  I have bent over backwards to try to understand and have things in common with the oldest one.  But his likes are just off the charts.

Didi.lost


freespirit

I have two sons. Two years apart. My youngest  son is challenging.
The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.
            -- Michel de Montaigne

Beth 2011


dedicatedmom

My oldest too - she stirs the pot and talks to the other DD's  :P