Worried again!

[nikncon]

Thanks Didi.We'll  hang in there and  pray for a miracle.

[Didi.lost]

Yes Nik for sure.  Think my situation will take a BIG BIG miracle.
But in the meantime or if its forever, I'm going to start living my life for me and DH the best we can

Thanks and you take care too.

[bosscat]

it seems to be a mothers lot that our kids never seem to grow up.   we always
look on them as or babies - no matter what age -  and they seem to look on us
a being -  without feelings. We always have to say and do the right thing - never
getting it wrong - never having our own worries and never getting sick!   Sometimes it's not a good idea to get too involved in our kids lives especially
if they are adults.   I rarely hear from mine - but on the few ocassions he rings
I alwas tell him I have been thinking of him and hownice it is to hear his voice.
Then I just swallow my emotion in the knowledge that if I told him off for not
ringing - he would just go cold.   Good luck and stay strong

[nikncon]

Thanks Didi.We can't lose hope.We can enjoy our lives with DH but miracles do happen.

[nikncon]

Thanks for your thoughts BossCat.It's still hard to accept that your DS doesn't consider you as family.

[nikncon]

I am going to watch a free seminar on the web.It's Dr Coleman who will be talking about estrangement.It's free if you sign up today.I also sent him an email never thinking of receiving an answer but this morning Dr Coleman did send an email to me telling me to  respect DS's email.Dr Coleman told me not to contact DS for six months and then  reach out to see if we can get together and talk.Six months is a long time . Have any of you ladies had contact with Dr Coleman.I think that Luise had mentionned  his book.I did read it and followed exactly as he suggested.Any comments??

[luise.volta]

Nik - My experience is secondary but very positive. A woman I originally worked with on my Q & A Website...www.MomResponds.com had a huge impasse with her son and DIL. After reading J. Coleman's book, "When Parents Hurt", the whole family ended up doing counseling with him. It took time and wasn't easy but it's been resolved. The DIL hasn't changed but the son has learned how to deal with being caught in the middle in a loving way that includes his parents instead of disowning them. The mom and I are still in touch and I heard from her on my birthday earlier this month that it is going well. Sending love...

[fangle]

Good Luck with the Web Seminar, NiknCon! xo

[nikncon]

Thanks for your advice Luise.I have emailed Dr J. a few times and have been getting some feedback from him.It will be interesting to hear what he says.I have visited his website but it's not for me.My family here is what I need and so glad that  I found all of you. It's most personal , like I have sisters that I can come to when  I am sad and when I am glad.Wishing you all a nice Easter.DH and I will go to church Sat and go to the beach on Sunday. Do something nice for yourself.Hugs.

[luise.volta]

 Nik, Have a lovely trip to the beach and picture all of us tucked into a little, invisible pocket over your heart. Life happens - we care.

[Pooh]

Ahhh Nik, I'm sorry.  Also remember HE is working through HIS issues.  We all know when we are taking a look at our own issues we go through periods of anger, grief, sadness, etc.  He may be having to work through all these different emotions before he's at a better place.  It's not about you, it's about him.  Until he is ready, there is absolutely nothing you can do.  It was the hardest thing I had to accept, that I couldn't control what my DS did, it was all on him.  What I could do was move on and enjoy life, because I deserved that.  So do you.

[nikncon]

Thanks Pooh.I know that you are right.It was the first holiday that we didn't talk on exchange a card or a gift.Very difficult.DH and I had a nice day.Went to a beach,had lunch.It was still hard not to hear from DS .I am trying to keep busy.Thank God for all my friends here who are making me feel better.

[Didi.lost]

Yes we are with you Nik.  That first holiday alone, I found the hardest but now I'm getting quite used to it and it's not that bad.
Like they say now you can do whatever you want on these days.

Lots of love

[fangle]

I agree, the holidays can be hard. But imo you did the right thing by planning your time for yourself and your DH.  I hope that you had a lovely Holiday period at church and the beach! xo