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Worried again!

Started by nikncon, March 19, 2013, 12:56:15 PM

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nikncon

Hi ladies.I haven't written for a while but I do read your stories every night.My DS has talked to me since Jan.I know that DS loves me and has a lot to contend with right now.His job,his therapy whether he is moving or not.I haven't heard from DS for two weeks now.I am worried and would like to know how he's doing.Maybe.If I know and it's not good I'll be worried.If I don't call I will still be worried.I sent DS a very nice card with a message about how things in life are not always as we want but there is always a lesson to be learned.I bought it and the words were already written.I just signed "love you " Mom.Should I wait until DS calls or call him email?? I know that if he has nothing new to say about his situation DS is probably waiting to see about his job etc.So ladies your opinions please?? :(

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freespirit

Hi nikncon, I can only speak from my own experiences with my DS. the more I seem to crowd him, even if I don't,...but he thinks I do ???; ...the more he distances himself from me.

You have written to your son.  I would say it's his turn now. I don't know your story's background  ,..but I believe;  crowding an adult child is like pushing him away.
The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.
            -- Michel de Montaigne

luise.volta

There is a phrase I like to use when questions like that come up for me. It is: Hold Him (Her) Able." My take is that the ball is in his court. I'd suggest the next time he contacts you that you tell him that you have a card you think he might like but wanted to ask if getting a card from you appealed to him. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

nikncon

 Thanks Thanks Free Spirit and Luise.I know that you are both right.I will be patient and wait.If you read my other topic FS you will understand my situation better.Hugs to you my friends . :-\

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fangle

Hello,  Maybe your Son doesn't want you to worry and that is why he doesn't want to tell you about the nitty gritty of the the things that are going on at the moment.  I find it hard not to worry for people at times and then I have to remember that if they need my help, they know that all they have to do is ask.  Worrying won't change anything.  I am sure that your Son knows you love him and it was a very loving act to send him such a caring card. xo

Pooh

Nik, I know you are worried.  I get to see and talk to my YS several times a week...and psssshhhh...I still worry about him!  It's the Mother in us.  You are going to have to trust that he can handle his life and give him the space he is seeking.  I think that if he sees that you are respecting his boundaries, he will be more apt to contact you. 
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

nikncon

Thanks Pooh and Fangle.I needed  those kind words this morning. I know that DS knows that I have to watch my bp so he will call when he is ready.Still difficult for a mom especially after having lost YS in 2001.I am so happy to have such caring ladies in my circle since I don't have any relatives.:))

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Pooh

And when I said "see", I meant Skype! Lol.  One more month, and deployment is over! 

Hang in there Nik.  Do something for yourself today.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

nikncon

Thanks Pooh.Hope that you really "see" your YS soon.I would be worried too.Hang in there.This too shall pass.xx

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fangle

Yes, I hope that you 'see' your son soon too, pooh! xo Nikncon - I agree that I hope that you do something nice for you! xo

Pooh

Thank you.  I will get to see him in person, in June.  He should be back at the end of April and they will be driving here to stay with us for about 3 weeks while DIL has her final brain surgery.  All  8 of her brain surgeries have been done here with a respected brain surgeon that knows her difficult history.  So she's coming back here to let him do the final one instead of starting over with a new one where they are now, plus they will need help with GS for a couple of weeks.....oh darn....guess I'll just have to suck it up and do it :)
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

fangle

Goodness!  I wish your family all the very best.  I will be thinking of your DIL for her surgery, that is good news that she has a respected surgeon to stick with.  I hope that the time flies for all of you. xo

Pooh

Thank you.  She's a tough cookie.  This should hopefully be the final one.  Everything has been repaired and she was scheduled to do the final one to replace her skull last year, and then got pregnant so they couldn't do it.  That's why we had such a hard time with the pregnancy and had to go to a high risk doctor so they could monitor the pressure on her brain.  And she's had to be super careful not to bang her head on anything.  It was all fine and the only question now is if waiting a year has allowed her brain to swell to much so the skull piece doesn't fit back in.  That's the only concern right now.

Her only concern?  They will have to shave her head again and she finally has hair after a two years of not having it....bless her heart.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Pooh

So Nik, I've had to learn to let my worries go or I would be a mess!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

luise.volta

What a story, Pooh. Your DIL sure lucked out in the MIL department! Worry doesn't change anything...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama