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Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law

Started by LadyStar, March 18, 2013, 06:13:36 AM

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Keys Girl

March 24, 2013, 08:01:38 PM #30 Last Edit: April 01, 2013, 06:20:22 PM by luise.volta
Quote from: LadyStar on March 22, 2013, 03:50:01 PM
I pray every day for the S to find a job somewhere else, or the DIL to decide to go live with her family. 

As for me at some point my health will just give out.

LadyStar, prayer IMHO doesn't work on these situations, but you do have options.

A. Sell the house, with a 30-60 day closing.  Get a 1 bedroom apartment and don't worry about anyone else.  Move at least 300 miles away from them.
B. Cut the cable TV and internet service, go to the library and enjoy the peace and quiet there, you are paying the bills but you don't have to.  Go to a hotel once in a while with the money you save on the cable bill.
C. Leave the fridge empty.  If you like to cook, do so at a hospice or shelter in town
D. Go on vacation for two weeks to help your health, get away from the chaos and turn off the electricity for the duration.  You won't be home, so why bother paying for it.  Your son and DIL can go stay at her place if it's cold in yours. 
E. Contact the Dr. Phil show and ask to be on the "freeloading adult children segment".  "Kick 'em out" is usually his advice.
F. Don't get me wrong, I know it is a heartbreaker to have a son treat you like that, but if you wind up in a hospital with tubes out of your chest that will be even worse.
G.Change the locks when they are out some day and "forget" to tell them, just for the fun of it and to remind them whose "turf" it is.  Talk to a lawyer and the Police as to the legal requirements to get people out of your house who are verbally abusive.  Get a hidden camera and video and type of verbal abuse.  Make it as unpleasant as possible for anyone to live in your house.  I hear that shrimp shells inside curtain rods give off quite a stench after a week or two. 
H.Make a list of what you want in your life, and what steps exactly it would take to get there.  Knock 'em off one by one and get going.  You are not making too much of this.  It's YOUR house but the kids appear to have assumed that it's theirs and the sooner that you kick the bucket the better according to the DIL if I read the previous posts properly. 

Get ready for some heavy duty tantrums, if you pursue any suggestions but remember you don't need to leave anyone your house in your will.  You are wise not to trust your son, I would tell him and anyone else absolutely nothing.  You don't owe anyone the time of day or anything else. 

You will need the strength and determination of someone who can hold up the Brooklyn Bridge with one arm to wrestle your home, and peace of mind away from the adult bullying brats to protect your health, but you're a woman, you've got the strength of 10 men.   

Good luck,
KG





"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

fangle

Wonderful ideas, keysgirl and i love your tag (Control your destiny or someone else will).  Why should your house be pleasant for them, if it is unpleasant for you?  Your home is your sanctuary. xo

FAFE

LS, did you do something good/fun for yourself this weekend?  I hope so. 

Didi.lost

Love your posts Keys Girl.  You'd tell them

Congrats Lady Star for taking your life back and stop being a doormat for them, especially such an
ungrateful DIL  Reminds me of my DD.  Use and abuse anyone who she can and get away with. I.m not
taking anymore abuse from her and she doesn.t want anything to do with me.  That's fine, I'm getting use
to it.  Hurt like crazy but I now have peace and quiet and can enjoy my other child without guilt.

We all deserve respect.  Respect given is respect taken.

Good Luck and hang in there.  Take care of your health and wishing you the best outcome.  This is about them
NOT you.

LadyStar

April 01, 2013, 04:36:31 PM #34 Last Edit: April 01, 2013, 06:21:14 PM by luise.volta
Thanks for all the advice this such an up and down situation, it got better, I stood my ground, and then today another blow up with the DIL. 

Maybe I expect too much in hoping my S would put his foot down, I guess I have.  But I made it very clear that I would not take this abuse anylonger, and they need to get out ASAP.

Time will tell, and yes I could make it horrible to live here but in the end I will be the one in the hospital, so I am taking small steps.  I am afraid of the DIL, trust me you have not seen her tantrums when she starts throwing things.  But that is why we have 911.

Anyway, told him to find a place immediately.  It will be followed up with an email of the same advising they have X time to move out.  They have no where to go, but that is not my problem.

I just want my life back, to be relatively happy and not get into a shouting contest with the DIL as no one will win, and my health will not take it.

As for the will etc.  that is being changed, you can bet when DIL finds that out she will leave.  I am not stupid she knows I have a heart condition, and is hoping I go so  she can get the house, wrong not going to happen!!!!!!  Once that is known these is no reason to stay.


Keys Girl

Don't be foolish enough to tell anyone about anything in your will.

That's like adding 100 gallons of kerosene to a camp fire.

KG
"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

LadyStar

Unfortunately I was ill with cancer a while back, before the DIL and made my S POA in the event of my inability to make decisions from a medical perspective.   That will be retracted immediately, it was not done before an attorney, I did it myself and then had it noterized.   It had to be done quickly.   But it will be changed effective today and filed with an attorney. 

I never thought for a moment that the S would ever mention it, or use it, but with the DIL in the picture that is exactly what has occured.  Infact he mentioned it a while back in front or her.   

I am honestly beginning to think that their moving back in here was the DIL's doing.  DIL is street smart, has had to survive anyway she could and  it is survive at any cost.  So do I think that the DIL is banking on my going yes.

I have screwed up but not because I wanted to but because I thought I could trust my S, and always have before his involvement with the DIL.

Elise

Ladystar - I am so sorry for your troubles.  It must be so hard to do what needs to be done now to preserve and restore your peace of mind and health. 
Once you do change the POA and your ds and dil have moved, it might be a good though difficult idea to inform ds by registered mail that his POA has been revoked.  Your attorney will probably advise this as well. If a 'crunch' time comes and ds still thinks he is POA he may take that poa paper to a bank or medical facility to prove his right to act.  Such entities normally do not do any kind of search to verify the POA was not changed since its execution originally.  If however the POA ( in this case you ds) has been notified by registered mail that he is no longer POA, it acts as a deterrent as there are severe penalties for acting illegally on a revoked POA.
Given the terrible treatment you are enduring with them in your home, I hope you do not tell them of the change until after they have moved and your home is secure from them.  I would fear it blowing up further if you told him now, though I do hope you change it now and tell him later.
This happened with my mother, who changed her poa for medical and financial from a daughter who lived far distant to those closer to her location. When she notified the daughter of the change, that daughter completely blew up at her and only once in the final years even talked to her again.  An ugly outcome, and one that proved she needed to make the change, hard as it was. Valid reasons ignored by unreasonable people often point up dissonance between what is in an individuals best interests and someone else s interests IMHO. Just saying...

LadyStar

April 02, 2013, 10:56:14 AM #38 Last Edit: April 02, 2013, 11:10:35 AM by luise.volta
Excellent advice.  You are so right, I have no intention of telling them anything none of their business.  Changing benif's on life insurance and pension as well.   Going forward my business is my business and I am purchasing a safe for important papers, jewelry, etc. 

It is sad and not a very pleasent living environment, but I have to stay focused.  I do not speak to the DIL, and honestly unless she speaks to me I will not.  DIL can stay in their area and do whatever she wants.   But there will be no more food cooked, etc.   Heck if I am going to buy food, her cook it and then not bother to even send me up any, yet you expect me to buy it.  Heck no.  I think as I stop providing it will push the situation to a head, I figure at some point my S will get very tired of it.  Heck why would you move if someone was doing everything for you, paying all the bills, buying all the food, why would you move or make any attempt to?   I call that having it made.

Maybe when her M comes to visit soom she will discuss moving in with her.  Although according to my S they fight and yell at each other constantly. 

Honestly don't care anymore, this last set of nasty grams she sent me pushed me over the edge.  Not my problem, but the will and POA are being changed and filed.  I will also send a copy to the local Dr. office, and Hospitals to keep on record. 

You all have no idea what it has done for me to be able to come here and vent/share.  I think I would be loosing my mind were it not for this outlet.

luise.volta

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Keys Girl

Hang in there, LS, slow and steady wins the race, and glad to hear you are going to keep all of your business to yourself.

I came close to giving my son POA about 5 years ago before he got engaged.  I dragged my heels on getting it done and when the fireworks started with the DIL it made my life so much easier that they didn't didley squat or have access to anything.

It's sadness beyond belief to have to go through this set of circumstances, but that doesn't mean you can't keep your own best interests close to your heart. 

KG

"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

LadyStar

So fun stuff this weekent.

Yes, I went out and bought a new bedset, new rugs, and this weekend is time for new hair do.   I plan on not being around that much now that summer is close at hand.   

Plan on being arond less and less once I get stuff locked away.




LadyStar