September 23, 2019, 12:52:41 am

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law

Started by LadyStar, March 18, 2013, 06:13:36 am

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

nikncon


  Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

LadyStar

Thanks Ladies!!!!!!!

DIL is not speaking to me and I guess I am not permitted to see the GC's which is ok for now whatever the excuse.  However I have decided that if by Sunday I have not seen them, and the situation has not changed, then I will take the next step and advise it is time to move out and find their own place.   My S needs to set some rules, but I think he does not want to deal with what the fall out from her will be.

I realize that it will be horrible to not have them in mylife, I do love the little guys, and I will miss my S we are close, but I am not going to take this attitude in my own home nor am I going to be part of these types of reprisals.  I am not going to beg like I have in the past, it is a loss to everyone, but I do need to protect my health.

Anyone who would keep GC away from their GM unless there was a serious reason needs to search their soul and it will come back.  No matter how much I disliked someone I would never do that just to get my own way.

I am also not going to be around much of the time.  I do need to get out and around others and build my network of friends.

Also the way you all have helped and supported me I can now share this which is healing as well.

herbalescapes

LS, can you research the local laws around you regarding putting someone out of your house?  You probably view your DS and his family as houseguests, so you can tell them to leave at any time.  Even without paying rent or the like, though, it might be that they actually qualify as tenants.  I had a sib who worked at a law firm that specialized in real estate law including landlord issues.  She had some whacky stories about legal requirements regarding tenants, and in some of those your average person on the street wouldn't see the situation as landlord and tenant. 

Good for you for standing up for yourself and good luck in resolving the situation.

fangle


FAFE

Another, you go girl!  Stay strong and remember they need to R E S P E C T YOU!

Pooh

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

LadyStar

There is an old saying, "oh what a tangled web we weave when at first we do deceive" or something to that effect.

Yesterday I finally got a visit and it was good to see the GC.     I am apalled to find out that my S and DIL have told everyone in her family that they are in their own home.  It came out in a conversation yesterday that her M and family think they have a house.  Why would you not tell people you are living in my home. Am I making too much of this?   Sorry but I just don't understand the need to not be truthfull about this.

The DIL's family is coming to visit very soon and i don't expect I will see them.   I will not support this fabrication so I am sure I will not be invited to tag along.

I am so disappointed in my S, he never used to be like this, he never would lie to me in this fashion.  I guess I cannot trust either of them.

Still saying NO, and more and more determined that they need get out on their own.

freespirit

...and a fourth "You go Girl!"...You sound stronger  and stronger in every post!
The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.
            -- Michel de Montaigne

LadyStar

Thanks all.   

This is so hard, I have to fight to not jump in an offer my help.  Then I remind myself that I have been lied to, had my GC kept away, put myself in financial difficulties, opened up my home, and ended up with no respect, used, lied to, and only communicated with when someone needs something.

I reminded myself of how many time have I gone to the hospital in the past and had to drive myself, or call an ambulance.  Then I remember the times when S has been here, and it is so confusing.  One minute he is right by my side and the next he is cold and just does not care.   

I caught myself today almost offering to help, and instead shut my mouth.   It is so hard as I do care, but I come here each time I feel weak and your comments bolster me.





LadyStar

Will this ever stop?  I don't know how long I can take the yelling and screaming all the time.  At some point it has to stop.  I lost it tonight and yelled at the top of my lungs Enought, stop this, when I heard slaming of doors and stuff being thrown.   I don't want to live this way. 

Sorry folks but I am really trying to get through this. I pray every day for the S to find a job somewhere else, or the DIL to decide to go live with her family.   It is not fair to the kids, it is not kind of environment for them.

Don't they realize what kind of an example they are setting, children memic what they see.  If they see yelling, and swearing, that is exactly what they will do.  If they see agressive behavior they will be the same.  Don't these two get that.  What they see they will memic.

As for me at some point my health will just give out.

Sorry but not all days are going to be positive.

luise.volta

It sounds horrible. You can't change them...that's for sure...or make sense of any of it including their lack of parenting skills...and now you are screaming, too. All that can think of is that when you get in touch with valuing your self...you will set boundaries and maintain your sef-respect. That's something you have a right to take a stand on. And you will set an example your GC may well remember. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

fangle

So let me get this straight - DIL's family are coming to visit; they are of the impression that your guests have their own home; you are probably not supposed to see them.  Are they going to be visiting your DIL's 'home'?  My suggestion (and it is just a suggestion) is that if you spoke to your Son before hand, their visit would be a good opportunity for your guests to ask them nicely if they could come and live with them instead and finally tell them the truth.  I'm thinking of you! xo

Monroe

I'm missing something.  Your son and DIL and GC live with you but you are not allowed to see the GC?  How is that possible if you are all under one roof?  I don't get it.  I must be missing something.  I think it would be impossible to NOT see each other all the time.  Can somebody please clarify for me?   Thanks

fangle

I just read my post back and I want to clarify that I mean for your son and DIL to tell DILs parents the truth.  I hope that didn't come across the wrong way. xo

Pen

Wow, and I thought I'd heard it all. It's great to see your progress, LS. When GC are involved it sure complicates matters, but you wouldn't want them to grow up seeing their Ps treating you badly would you? Our self-respect is so important, I'm glad to see you reclaiming yours.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb