My Mothers day visit with son

[luise.volta]

I would move away from the he said/she said...the timing of calls and the guessing at motives. They are going to do whatever they do and be however they are. They know where you live and what your number is if they ever change their tune. I would end the drama by refusing to play the game. You deserve peace and you deserve respect.Ggive it to yourself...(at least that's what I would try to do.) Sending love...

[Marilyn]

Thanks luise,thats exactly what i want to do.

My gut tells me thats what i need to do.

Thank's so much for your opinion

[Marilyn]

Well ladies,..........KARMA.........has finally happened for me.

I have refused to answer my phone after the trip on mothers day.June 2nd was my B-day,my os called to wish me happy b-day and i did not answer again.So he called his dad and ask what was going on.His dad told him i was so deeply hurt and how disrespectful he was not to even take 1 hr of his time that day to come see me,and how he pretended to act like i was not there and called my home instead.His dad would not even let him try to make any excuses,and before they hung up my son was in tears saying he would drive down here if thats what he had to do to talk things out.So he left work,went home told DIL he was coming down to see me for my B-day to surprise me and that he wanted his relationship back with me.DIL run into the bathroom slammed the door and was crying.He stood up to her and came down.I'm still crying from time to time,the relief,the happiness,and from the hell he has gone thru.But i think this will finally be all worked out.
When i answered the knock on the door,i just broke down sobbing.He said Mom i couldn't afford a stamp to mail your card,so i thought i would just bring it to you.We cryed and cryed,and talked and talked.He said Mom,i really think my wife has a mental disorder,and I'm not here to bash her.I told him i thought she had a mental disorder for a long time,and i was not wanting to bash her either,or even try to make him angry with her.I just needed to explain my perception,and why i feel the way i do.I kept reassuring him what ever i say is not to cause a rift between the two of you,but he did need to know my side of the story,and he was very understanding.His Father came over,which he had ask my son if he minded if he came over to see him also.My son told him give me about an hour with Mom first,i want to surprise her.So when my ex got here,the three of us talked and talked.My son has already figured a lot of things out by himself.He said he has had a lot of regrets with the way some things that has happened,and that my DIL can be very mean,and has been mean to me.
He said she was jealous of me,i think because, Mom you are sooooooo strong.You can do it all,your very independent,self sufficient,your the Jill of all trades.Her Mom cant do any thing!I told him she should be proud of me,not jealous.I also let him know how her mom and family all ganged up on me like little grade school kids,making snarky remarks and trying to humiliate me,and that was abuse.Then one of her sisters came to me,saying how wrong that was and how she was wanting to move away to be closer to her husbands family.My son was shocked,said why didn't you say some thing.I couldn't,i was afraid they would tell you i was just trying to cause you problems.I begged him not to say a word to DIL,or her mother.But if he wanted he could ask the sister that came to me.Just bring it up in a very nice way.He also told me Mom DIL is seeing things a lot different with her Mom and Dad any way,seeing how controlling and needy they are.They just moved them out of their house,and both my son and DIL was so furious they didn't even pack one single box,they had to pack and move and unpack them.DIL does not even want them to baby sit any more either.There is a whole lot more to tell,but it has been a nightmare for them.When Luise said,the other inlaws appear to be from lulu land,was a very good perception.My son got all teary eyed,and said Mom i vow to you today,we will start coming to see you and i already told my wife just stay home if she doesn't want to come down to see me,then said, we ALL would have a lot more fun anyway.

My son told me when we came up for Christmas,now this was the first Christmas in 5yrs.She took Christmas away from me right after the 2nd grandchild was born,when i went up two days before Thanksgiving that year.My ex called and told my son he wanted to come up,it was the only time he had off to come see the grand children.So my son said sure come on up.DIL was mad,so he said something to his MIL,why does my wife always, always get mad when my family wants to come up.His MIL said,well,you know that can effect a women a long, long time after giving birth.Having trouble breast feeding a new baby could stay with her a very long time.My son said,i told her it has been 5yrs!I told my son,i stayed in the basement the whole time i was there with the first GC,i did not cause her to have trouble breast feeding.He agreed.

My son wanted to take me back home with him so i could see the Grandchildren,then fly me back home in a couple of weeks.I told him i thought they needed a breather,since his inlaws just moved out.I told him to talk it over with DIL,and when they felt it would be a good time for them i would come up for a while.

I'm just praying now,things will be a lot better.And i plan on having a talk with my DIL when i do go up.But i dont think it would be good to do,with out my son also being able to hear the conversation.


The stress is just rolling off of me.

[luise.volta]

That is a huge and tremendous wow! Sending love...

[Marilyn]

Thank you Luise.This site helped me so much.

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart!

[Pen]

MIW, that's fantastic. I'm sorry, of course, that your DIL is struggling with her issues and problems, but I'm very glad to hear that your DS has figured it out and wants a relationship with you. A lot of our breakthroughs here seem to stem from a DS stepping up. I'm glad yours did.

[Marilyn]

Thank you penstamen.I'm so glad he figured it out too.Not only for myself,but for his brother and father too.And for himself,not to let her manipulate him any more.

My biggest worry is my DIL will not acknowledge she has a problem.You cant help some one unless they feel they want and need help.To acknowledge makes it real,then you have to deal with it.

My son did tell me also,that DIL's Mothers perfect little world is starting to crumble all around her.

[Nana]

Mominwaiting.

I am so happy for you.  When I was reading your post I was also crying.  God, I love this site.  We are like a big family, or I should say, better than many families because we understand each other.  God has brought us together because one way or the other....we have similar stories. 

Sun comes out after a dark night.    Way to go....  the most important thing is that you needed to feel  the love of your son again.....and that is priceless for moms.     A big hug

[Marilyn]

Thank you so much Nana,i started crying again reading what you wrote.You are absolutely right,i just needed to feel the love from my son again.

The moment i found this site,i knew it was God that guided me here.God does hear our prayers,we just dont always see how he is working in our life,to bring us closer to him.

Luise is truly an angel,a gift from God,to help guide us through our journey to piece and love.The compassion and understanding we recieve from each other is what we all need.We are like one big family.

Sending Love and hugs to every one

[Nana]

Yes we are all very lucky to have Luise....guiding us.   She is very wise also wow!

So congratulations again....for your son being close to you again.    I remembered a passage of the Bible....the prodigal son.  Did you read it ?  It is about a son who returned home and his father received him with a great feast and absolutely forgave him.     This is what we do (parents) love, forgive and wait for our children with open arms.     Oh God....I love my job  ---being a mom. 

May God Bless You

[Pooh]

I am so proud for you and it brought tears to my eyes as well.  I think you just experienced what we all are wishing for with our sons.  I am very impressed with you telling DS that he needed to go home and discuss the plans with DIL instead of just going back with him.  I know you probably really wanted to go, but shows how respectful you are trying to be.  Congrats and I hope everything continues to progress fabulously!

[Marilyn]

Thank you so much Pooh,i still get so emotional thinking about it.After he opened up,about what all that has happened with his inlaws,they have to be so overwhelmed.I did want to go back with him so bad,but they need some breathing room right now.

I'm still really concerned about what happened when he got home.My DIL really needs some professional help,along with her mother.My son also said he can see how all of this is effecting the GC.

I'm still praying for all of us here,life is just to short.

Love and hugs to every one

[Marilyn]

Thank you Anna,i always thought your DIL sounded like mine also.That was one reason i had such a hard time with your post,about how your DIL handled your gs.I'm not around my gc as much as you are,and it just tore me up reading it.
My ex called my son yesterday,just to make sure every thing was going Ok at home.My son said it was,they had a long talk,and that he was so glad he came down here and was able to talk to us about every thing.

Anna,keep your husband talking to your son.They do listen better to their fathers.Your husband might need to get really firm with your son.Your son might be just as relieved,as my son was.They know things aren't right,they just dont know how to handle,or deal with it.


Still praying for every one,sending love and hugs