Christmas

[DivaGirlDIL]

I was talking to my DH about this tonight.  He said the day was more special then Eve.  I was surprised a little I must say.  My childhood both were great.  But I have to say Christmas Eve at my Grandparents house has the biggest memory.  My grandparents basement had cardboard or something on the wall with a big break paint fireplace and stocking.  Every year Santa would come and help pass out my Grandparents gifts.  My fav was when I was old enough to know Santa wasn't real and my uncle dressed up.  He has a paper beard with the cotton balls not eve fluffed out.( He passed a few years ago). After my grandma passed when I was 9 and my grandpa and her had a falling out are tradition changed but that memory still is strong. 

Make your own traditions.  Oh and easy clean up is so much better.  We are only doing apps this year.

[tryingmybest]

Guess the point for me is, I have traditions and get my knickers in a knot every year being told to make new ones, while my DS's mother in law gets to keep all her traditions and just add my son to them. Thats not meant in an angry way Diva just by way of explaination. If the young couple starts their own family traditions and incorporates both families into them, thats one thing...not happening though. But I'm good, just read that Prince William will be spending Christmas with Kate's parents this year. He had to get the Queen's permission to do so. Had to laugh ladies we are in GOOD COMPANy! Merry Christmas, light and love and joy for Christmas....and no clean up!

[jdtm]

Guess the point for me is, I have traditions and get my knickers in a knot every year being told to make new ones, while my DS's mother in law gets to keep all her traditions and just add my son to them.

Yup - the story of my life for several years now.  However, after more than a decade of trying to make new traditions (and every year failing and crying and wailing and even begging), I just don't "try" any more.  Funny, when I quit trying I started to enjoy Christmas - not the Christmas that I would have "planned" or "envisioned", but the Christmas I was given.  I don't see our children and/or grandchildren on "the" day (sometimes not even "the" month), but it's O.K.  I love them very much but today I don't feel as though my life will fall apart if they are not present at holidays.  My children and grandchildren are a part of my life; they are not my life; and even though I would prefer things were different, I have discovered that I can survive and find enjoyment with or without them.  Peace to all ....

[NewMama]

Our tradition changed drastically this year, we usually had dinner at my GP's house. However, since they're no longer with us, we're starting from scratch. DH and I decided to host dinner at home this year. I work part of the holidays, I'm nearly in my third trimester and DS is a busy little toddler. So home was a great option for us and it gives anyone who wants to see DS the chance to stop in or stay for dinner. My MIL is refusing to come, because my family will also be present for parts of the day. DH and I were both upset, but decided we're not going to let it ruin the day and just have fun trying out some new traditions.

[tryingmybest]

Your MIL sounds like a first class pill!  Have a great Christmas with your family!

[Pen]

TMB, I totally get that. I wondered for years why DIL's FOO got to keep everything the same while we had to figure out new ways of celebrating to accomodate them (so we could see DS.) Fooey on that notion! We're doing what we want to do when we want to do it, and DS/DIL can fit themselves in when they can. I am much more relaxed this year, and DS has actually stepped up to demand time with us. Yay!

[DivaGirlDIL]

NewMama I know how you feel DH's side if wont come Christmas Day because we won't accommodate what they want us to do.  My husband's siblings refuse to go against them.  So we started Christmas Eve brunch.  We love staying home on Christmas with dd if people want to see us they can come here. 

[herbalescapes]

I'm not very good at this, but I try to remember that Christmas isn't about family.  It's about one family, the Holy Family.  Just like thanksgiving isn't about family, it's about giving thanks to God.  I sometimes wonder if all the intra-family strife is a test to see if we can get outside ourselves and focus on what's really important.  Of course, being only human, it's hard to let go of the nice family traditions.  My sympathy to everyone being excluded.  I hope you can find some joy and peace inspite of others' spite. 

[Didi.lost]

Really different first for DH and I.  We just stayed home alone Christmas eve and today.  And it is fine.  Just relaxing and watching movies and eating.  Estranged DD spent Christmas eve with my sister and mother. That's good for her she spent time with my family and I wouldn't want to be there anyway.  Mom still doesn't know what's going on.

We are going to DS and his family tomorrow for our Christmas cause that's when her kids will be home from the ex's.

DD can do whatever she wants for today.  She is the one who changed everything for all of us whether she realizes it yet or not.  She will have to make up her own new traditions.

I'm just glad to have a couple days off work. Being self employed, we don't get much rest. So it probably bothers her more than it bothers me.

Next year maybe we will find other alternatives.

[Begonia]

WW:  We are strong and we are worthy of being treated with respect.  And if that means we are alone on these 1 1/2 days then that is not the worst thing....like my Dear 90 Year YOUNG (yes, Luise,,,90 is young anymore!!) aunt said, "no clean up." 

Well, I made it through without any news from DS and family.  Heard from DD and family a couple times and from D Sis and family.  But I don't know about the rest of you but when they send their family photos and everything is supposedly so perfect I got to feeling low down wo is me here alone (nevermind that I turned down invites from Sis and from friends...alone is all my doing).  I started missing my mom and you know how it can go then.  The absolute last thing I would ever think to do is go to a CASINO, but my dear aunt had planted the seed on the phone by saying, "Let those family people do their thing, etc.).  So I got up this morning and spent a few hours today at the Casino on Christmas Day--omgoodness...it felt great!  The place was packed...there is no holiday at a casino!  And the buffet was amazing for $9.95 and NO CLEAN UP!      I came home all happy and excited (no, didn't win anything...those penny machines make a lot of noise for $1.25!!) but I made a positive day out of it and now that's done and over. 

Love having this forum to help me navigate this holiday stuff.  Bless you all and a great year in store for all! 

[Pen]

It sounds as if most of us have had a successful time navigating through these often bizarre holiday situations. DS & DIL have been here for a few hours & it has been very pleasant! DIL has been nice, communicative, and helpful. DS has too. I'm in heaven May the new year bring continued blessings to us all.

Thanks again, Luise & Kirk, for this site. I'm pretty sure this day wouldn't have been as lovely w/o the support, help and wisdom I've gathered here. Love to you all!

[Didi.lost]

Yes thank you for this saviour of a site of my life.

We are never truly alone when we have each other.

[luise.volta]

I just love the self-respect, coping and healing being evidenced among us! Christmas dinner with DS (ourWebmaster, Kirk) and DIL for the first time in seventeen years... was magical for me! As most of you know, they moved from Washington to Kauai and built a home there. I was on Cloud 9! :-)))))))

[Didi.lost]

That's wonderful Luise.  You deserve some magical moments.

Lots of love

[tryingmybest]

Christmas Eve was nice, but today we spent Christmas Day the way we have for the past 4 years alone, while sons celebrated with their new families. What I found so strange was both of them ASKING what are you going to do tommorow ( on Christmas) ? I finally said last night, sweetly "absolutely nothing". Oddly it does not hurt that much any more, it has just become our "new normal". I'm just glad it's over for another year...still wishing we could have that Country Inn Christmas Dinner.  We made it Ladies!