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Christmas

Started by tryingmybest, December 21, 2012, 03:30:34 PM

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elsieshaye

It's been a bit rough here.  My boyfriend and I broke up just before Christmas (neither of us celebrates it, but still rotten timing).  At least I think we're broken up - I wanted to talk about an issue we were having that had upset me greatly, and he said he didn't want a confrontation that weekend and would maybe discuss it with me in a week or so.  No contact at all since then.  I'm a-guessing that we are done, but who knows what he thinks.   ::)  I'm open to having one last discussion if he initiates it, but I feel punished for being upset and am not really sure that I want to continue trying under those circumstances.   

Then my son showed up in town out of the blue yesterday.  I wouldn't have known about it at all if his friend's car hadn't broken down, stranding them for a couple of days until the friend's father can come get them.  He asked me to pay for an inexpensive hotel room for them - which was not, in and of itself an outrageous request (I don't have the space to house them both, and am still not comfortable having DS in the house since he is still actively smoking pot) - but then made it clear that he thought it was my duty as a parent, and wasn't interested in seeing me or talking to me regardless.  I did get the room, and didn't burn any bridges (he did say thank you for the room and gave me his phone number, which I didn't have before), but it's shabby treatment and I'm angry. 

I'm not the dramatic confrontation type and don't think it serves a purpose here anyway, either with my son or with my boyfriend, but do have to do some hard thinking about what I want to do going forward.  I also have to do some thinking about how I have set up my life, and how isolated I have let myself become.  The one thing that became clear for me in the course of the relationship with my boyfriend is that I want real, daily, domestic intimacy, and I really do eventually want to get married again.   I'm going to honor my need to curl up and lick my wounds this weekend, and save decision-making for when I'm feeling less fragile and emotional.  It's a bit of a struggle being at work and trying to focus, when all I want to do is hide in bed, but I know this emotional upheaval will pass (and there's nobody else here to generate the reports that are due today, lol - forced coping).

Thanks for listening.  ((((WWU))))
This too shall pass.  All is well.

luise.volta

E - What a holiday! I'm so sorry. Backing up and not deciding anything when you have been hit by a doubleheader is so wise. And I'm sure having to go to work in the middle of that must be miserable. There are so many times that I have waded in and wrecked havoc when I should have done what you are doing. If we are willing...life can be about learning and growing. I don't think we are stuck in behavior that becomes obsolete. We just have to forge new paths. In my life, that has sometimes meant new relationships after I progressed through and grew out of what once fit. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pen

Elsie, so sorry you're going through this. I'm not sure the timing is ever right for what you've been zinged with, but if anyone can emerge intact it's you. Hang in there, baby! I wonder what exciting new prospects are in your future?
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

elsieshaye

Thanks, Pen and Luise.  I'm spending today doing some housekeeping - both literal and figurative.  It's started to snow, and I've decided that if DS needs an extra night in the hotel, I will cover it, but I won't initiate the discussion.  It's up to him as an adult to think ahead and tell me what he needs, if he needs anything from me. 

I'm curious about what's ahead, too, Pen.  I hope I have the courage in the moment to choose honestly and act wisely, no matter what it is.
This too shall pass.  All is well.

Footloose

Oh dear E,  Sad to hear of your struggle.  Hugs to you as you find your new way! 

elsieshaye

Thanks, Footloose.  DS made it back home without incident.  Still no word from the ex-bf.  So weird.  I'm doing better with setting it aside overall, although there are good days and less-good days, and I've been having fun playing with goal-setting and visioning what my next year might hold.  I do find that I really hate not being able to have the last word, though, or have "why?" explained to me, lol.  I understand that I don't get to choose that all the time, though.  But still:  harrumph! :)
This too shall pass.  All is well.

Footloose

x BF?!  He chose it by his disappearing act, huh?  You are better off for sure!  It is time to focus on just E!!  Hugs, sister!

Do you really need more excuses from the man who poses as a man?  His abandonment in the site of trouble is all the reason you need, hon! Letting him go will open your door to others who can actually enrich your life instead of complicating it.

Pooh

I'm harrumphing with you Elsie! (is that even a word?)

Sorry to read about the double header you have going but at least we are older and wiser, and we see the things that could be issues down the road.  To me, that says how much you have grown as a person.  I have every confidence that you will move forward with goals and dreams that will blow your socks off!  Big hugs Elsie!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell