Author Topic: Goodbye Dear Son (letter Sent)  (Read 9165 times)

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Offline Footloose

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Goodbye Dear Son (letter Sent)
« on: December 18, 2012, 10:46:00 AM »
I have been holding on to this letter for some time.  Well today, I sent it!  I MUST move on! Let me know your thoughts? What am I expecting from this?  Absolutely NOTHING.  I did it for closure and to put it behind me for now as I cannot hold onto the pain any longer. here goes...


"Xxxxx, my only child, my son,

I put you first from the day u were born until the day you left home, over 20 years from the time I learned of you and later felt u move inside me.  It was the very best thing that EVER happened in my life and I so enjoyed being your mom and dad.  It was like breathing to me.  So automatic, natural and expected.  It is hard to find out so late that I was doing the breathing part wrong.

I was too young and should have waited but you found your time to be born and fate chose your heritage and mine.  I have so few regrets because out of it all came you, my son.  Subconsciously, I put my life on hold for you for 20 years, all of my early adulthood was yours and yours alone.  I struggled along the way and showed my temper at times and was inexperienced and ill equiped for motherhood.  At times, i was so lonely and afraid but knew i had to keep it together for you and later, for me.  But yet I still managed to do what I thought was right, even if you disagree.  Now you have the power to make a difference with your own children and correct my sins?  I too tried to undo wrongs from my childhood experience and was still imperfect and fragile.

It appears to me that I have loved not wisely but too well in some ways. 

So now after being rejected by you, it has taken my spiritual breath away but I will get better in time.  I'll just keep moving at a harried pace to out run the pain and loss this whole thing has created for me.  When it does catch up with me, like today, i find it so hard just to bear the pain.  the loss that was intentional on your part.  Worse than death because the separations were and have been on purpose.  Maybe to punish me for imperfections and pure, good intentions?

After years of mistreatment from you, I must let you go because the pain of rejection and absence is too great!  Way worse than my illness and anything that came before it.  I never imagined this would happen. I expect no apologies from you as I know you are behaving in a way you think is best for you and your family.  I owe you no apologies either as i too did what i thought was best for you and me.

I WILL meet you in spirit, always in my heart but your threats and actions to put me out of your life have controlled me far too long.  I have to move on or die from this broken heart.  Seems like I have been held hostage, waiting for a chance to really connect with you and your beautiful family.  So so very sad that family does not include me anymore.  So sad to not get joyful news about GD's birth.  I failed to set boundaries with you too and for that I am sorry.  I continued to take my crumbs from you and accept any form of attention and inclusion.

I only hope your anger subsides enough to clear the fog in your memories.  Please consider all the wonderful times we had together even though I misbehaved and made mistakes and was weak in my judgements at times.

DS name, I miss you and those times so much it hurts me to my center.  I have lost you to your adulthood and do not know you anymore.  Reality does not come close to what I thought these years would bring and I am lost at times in deep grief and disappointment. I know God has a plan for us and right now but His plan does not include us together. I am busy on my path to understanding my future role in this life and am comforted in serving the under-served.
 
I WILL stop all contact in my attempts to get information about you and I know that it was wrong.  The tragic news and holidays put you and yours in my mind so often.  i just could not resist my need to fix this. At least I know where I stand and finally it has sunk in.  I get it.

Kiss my grandbabies for me and hold them a long time, as long as you can.  I miss them dearly! I will hold onto my fond memories of them and you forever.

You can stop punishing me as I am gone but know I am there, inside you forever."


Online luise.volta

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Re: Goodbye Dear Son (letter Sent)
« Reply #1 on: December 18, 2012, 11:04:22 AM »
The final decision is always yours, FL. Most of us here have given you our input to the best of our ability. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Didi.lost

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Re: Goodbye Dear Son (letter Sent)
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2012, 11:16:28 AM »
So So SAD Footloose. I am crying my eyes out for you.  Knowing that is how I feel too.

Bless you on your future path and hope you found your closure.

Lots of Love

Offline Footloose

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Re: Goodbye Dear Son (letter Sent)
« Reply #3 on: December 18, 2012, 11:44:15 AM »
DiDi thanks for your support and understanding.  It is simply the truth.  Louise, have I worn u slap out? I hope not!  I am on a slow boil now but do see brighter days ahead.  I feel well purged but know it is not over....

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Re: Goodbye Dear Son (letter Sent)
« Reply #4 on: December 18, 2012, 12:12:23 PM »
I don't wear out that easily…just don't have anything new to say. I hope you know I wish you only the best.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Keys Girl

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Re: Goodbye Dear Son (letter Sent)
« Reply #5 on: December 18, 2012, 05:40:10 PM »
FL, you don't need to send anyone anything to move on.  You just move on.  Actions speak louder than words.

If anything this type of (purging) letter, sent just before Christmas could be the nail in the coffin to a future relationship with you son and grandchildren.

I think we all need brighter days ahead, but I think letters of this nature should be burned or saved in the "Draft" folder forever. 

Good luck,
KG
"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

Offline DivaGirlDIL

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Re: Goodbye Dear Son (letter Sent)
« Reply #6 on: December 18, 2012, 05:52:40 PM »
FL, you don't need to send anyone anything to move on.  You just move on.  Actions speak louder than words.

If anything this type of (purging) letter, sent just before Christmas could be the nail in the coffin to a future relationship with you son and grandchildren.

I think we all need brighter days ahead, but I think letters of this nature should be burned or saved in the "Draft" folder forever. 

Good luck,
KG

I agree.  Back when I was first married I use to write emails.  My husband always said they sounded angry.  I never ment them to it was more hurt feelings then anything.  I never understood it until tonight.  You might have ment it but your letter sounds angry.(OP) It comes across like your holding that fact that you have birth to him over his head.  I hope you find piece and happiness.

Offline Begonia

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Re: Goodbye Dear Son (letter Sent)
« Reply #7 on: December 23, 2012, 07:00:45 AM »
FL: It's all part of the journey you are on and you are not a bad person for doing what felt right to you at the time.  I have done a hundred similar things (maybe a thousand) and I pick myself up, learn from it, and carry on.  My family has forgiven me for a letter I sent to all of them, in haste, 20 years ago.  Be good to yourself and keep posting.  I send you the best for the holidays.  And having a Solstice Fire to burn up anger is really helpful to me.  When I have burned my old journals, letters, etc. I feel a lightness.  Somehow my anger goes up with the flames.  Just a thought.
Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift (Eleanor Roosevelt)

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Re: Goodbye Dear Son (letter Sent)
« Reply #8 on: December 23, 2012, 11:04:03 AM »
B and FL - You reminded me of me in my 20s when we moved permanently from the Midwest to the west coast to get away from our abusive families. I started to feel and express (from a safe distance) my hurt and anger…and later learned that my sisters called my unwelcome communications, "Weezie's Poison Pen Letters." They may never have understood but we all got past it.  :) Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Footloose

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Re: Goodbye Dear Son (letter Sent)
« Reply #9 on: December 23, 2012, 11:25:36 AM »
All I can say is that for me, it has left me feeingight and liberated! It may be temporary but well deserved after what I have been thru! I have had the best holiday seasons since Hallo ween and Christmas is exceptional w hubby and our elder relatives. I still have family that loves to spend time w each other. My son is the one loosing out. His loss but no longer mine! Whoooo Hoooooo! Grannie is free at last!

Wishing you peace and happiness for yourselves too! Thanks so much.

Offline saund73086

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Re: Goodbye Dear Son (letter Sent)
« Reply #10 on: December 24, 2012, 12:56:00 PM »
Footloose,

It is a beautifully written letter in my opinion.  You put into words what I have felt for several months about my own DD and for that I thank you.

I have not had any contact with my DD in over 7 months.  I have a 4 month old GS I have never seen or held.  I did send my (only) GS a nice appropriate toy and some very nice books for his parents to read to him for Christmas.  Of course I haven't heard anything back but I have done my best to have 0 expectations and can't torture myself with sitting around expecting something in return.  I sent what I sent out of love and can't control anything further.

This is a very difficult time for me, as I am sure it is for many parents who are estranged from their children and grandchildren.  God bless each and every one of us and thank you for this forum.  Merry Christmas to all.

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Re: Goodbye Dear Son (letter Sent)
« Reply #11 on: December 24, 2012, 04:14:02 PM »
This forum is my Christmas Gift to all of you…my cyber-family! Blessings and love…Luise
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline woolovereyes

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Re: Goodbye Dear Son (letter Sent)
« Reply #12 on: December 28, 2012, 05:13:40 PM »
I think it is a good letter. Sounds like something I should write, instead, I wrote a new will today. And dis-inherited my son. That was MY letter to move on.  You summed it up nicely,  YOU sacrificed your entire young adult life, and like most parents, just about every day since he was conceived, you have put forth an effort into HIM , that has not been recognized or appreciated. That being said? Life is too short,  Focus on YOU, and people ( whether related or not ) that actually WANT to be part of your "family" . The ones that don't?  Let them go, you can't hold onto something that doesn't exist, and apparently your concept of a "relationship" and his, are vastly different.. move on, and be happy for a change, you have "invested" enough.

Offline Footloose

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Re: Goodbye Dear Son (letter Sent)
« Reply #13 on: January 02, 2013, 09:19:05 AM »
Wool,  Thanks for your kind words and a good for you too!  LOL!  BTW,  I also cashed out his life insurance policy!  Hubby and I already disinherited him and his brood.  Like you, i will spend my time, emotions and money on people who really need it or who actually accept me/us as a friend or loving family.

P.S.  when folks ask about him, I simply say he is still in the witness protection plan;)

TAWANDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!