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just venting

Started by elsieshaye, October 30, 2012, 01:35:16 PM

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elsieshaye

So, my son and I both live in areas that were affected by the storm.  Checking the news, we both had mild impacts compared to NY and NJ, but still not completely untouched.  I emailed him today to ask him if everyone was ok, and got a comment that was more sarcastic than I'd like.  I sent him a smiley in response, just to acknowledge that I'd read it.  Dummy me, though, had the expectation of "we're fine, mom - how are you?"  But I'll bet that if I hadn't asked, I'd be the bad guy for not asking, KWIM?

This no expectations thing is hard.  I definitely agree that it's the best way to go, but I keep bumping up against expectations I didn't realize I was holding on to.  Live and learn.

I'm going to go put my patio furniture back outside and have a cup of tea.  Then back to my regularly scheduled life.
This too shall pass.  All is well.

luise.volta

E - I don't think any of us will ever be able to move completely beyond expectations. We may only harbor the residual concepts that common decency is a given and that checking in is natural when disaster strikes...but there they are. We are here for each other, when a vent surfaces. We deserve to be heard, understood and honored. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pen

Elsie, I'm glad to hear you're OK. I'm even glad to hear your silly DS is OK, lol. Tea is good.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

pam1

Elsie, glad you're ok.  I was thinking about you.  Meant to sent you an email but wasn't sure if you had power.

I wish you had sent him a smiley with the tongue sticking out.
People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Doe

Me, too.  I'm glad you're ok. 

I finally decide to have expectations for my son - I expect him to be unpredictable and not someone for me to lean on and to remind me every few weeks that I need to apologize to his wife (and why).   ::) 

But I still like to keep in touch - go figure.

herbalescapes

ah, sarcasm.  one of the more easily dividing  tones.  i come from a very sarcastic family and am constantly surprised at what other people take offense at.  maybe your son was just trying to keep a bit of humor during a horrible situation. 

Glad you and son are OK.  that's the important thing. 

elsieshaye

Thanks, Everyone.  Hope all is well with all of you and that you and everyone you love is safe.

Herbal, sarcasm is his default setting, but my benefit-of-the-doubt supply is very low, from having been drawn on heavily over the last couple of years that he was living with me.  That's why I sent him a smiley (and yes, the tongue-sticking-out one would've been perfect - wish I'd thought of that, Pam!), because it was neutral and relatively pleasant.  That was my version of benefit of the doubt, as much as I can muster right now, KWIM?

Thanks again, Ladies.  It feels good to be understood.   :-*
This too shall pass.  All is well.

Keys Girl

Glad you are OK Elsie and hope everyone else on the board is safe too. 

Some adult children are always resentful no matter what you do.  They must have a drawer full of t-shirts that read: Heads I win, tails you lose.

Ah yes, sarcasm, veiled hostility that wears the mask of humour.   When people are being sarcastic, they expressing their anger/resentment and then if you call them on it they say "Ohhh you are soooo sensitive".  See, tails they got to put you down and heads they got to put you down again.

Go shopping, Elsie, buy a new teapot, and anything else that you see to grace your table.   

KG




"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

Begonia

Elsie: heart goes out to you and all you are going through. 

Sometimes I find I am so compassionate that I am feeling bad for my AC because of how they treat me. Now that is bad.  ACK. 

KG: your post felt good...I agree that some AC (mine) are resentful no matter what.  So these days I give them nothing to be resentful about and that feels good too. (No gifts, no cards, no calls).  Then I know for sure that I am not failing in anything with them.  Some comfort in that, sick as it sounds...
Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift (Eleanor Roosevelt)

Keys Girl

Begonia, not giving them anything doesn't sound sick to me.  It sounds like you are realizing that dealing with these adult children is at times like teaching a pig to sing.  The pig doesn't want to learn any tune and it only aggravates it if you continue the lessons.

I think it is smart to do whatever it takes to make yourself happy within a sad situation.  Buy a new teapot, take a yoga class, buy yourself flowers. 

For me, I'm making an effort to ignore the incoming Christmas hoopla, to keep as much peace and tranquility in my life as possible.  For the last couple of years, Dec. 26 is my favourite day of the year!

KG



"Today I will be as happy as a seagull with a french fry." Author Unknown

Pooh

Glad you stayed safe elsie and sorry that he was rude!  Yes, I said it....rude! :)

Let's see, along with my new "positive" outlook I will summon the optomistic approach (clears throat).  Even if he had wrote back "None of your beeswax" he defeated his own resentment because "HA" you know he's ok.

Ha ha ha ha....rude DS...she wins!
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

elsieshaye

LOL, Pooh!  I like that silver lining. 

BRB, gonna go practice my best Evil Mom(tm) laugh in the mirror now!
;D
This too shall pass.  All is well.