March 28, 2024, 03:43:30 PM

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


My Daughter is moving out, but...

Started by Steph, November 09, 2012, 08:55:26 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Steph

Hi everyone,
My 18+ years old daughter has not been respectable in the past 2 years, especially last 9 months since she turned 18.  She would leave the house for supposedly few hours with friends promising to come back home around 10 pm or so, only turn into 1 or 2 days of not hearing from her.  Shen she finally shows up, she tells us all bunch of stories on how she felt asleep at a friend's home and she couldn't keep track of time. 
She has not finished her high school although the school has extended an online offering to help her complete it.  But when she was falling behind, My husband and I decided to have her admitted to an outpatient program, which she has partially attended (80%.) She was diagnosed with Alcohol abuse and was ordered to be admitted into a inpatient program immediately. 
The outpatient program had some positive impact on her that we actually started the inpatient process; unfortunatly, on the same day she was supposed to be leaving for the inpatient., she left to visit a friend and didn't hear back from her in 2 straigh days.
She ignored our calls and text for more than 2 days.  then out of nowhere, she came to tell us that she and other friends are getting a new place to rent and that she is moving out. We asked her to call the inpatient program and make arrangements to start the program, the decide later but she declined stating that she knows what she is doing and she doesn't need the program any longer.

The last thing I heard from her is that she wants us to help her move her "stuff." I'm not clear on what that mean but I'm assuming that she wants to take everything in her bedroom like TV, Games, bed, and furniture, in addition to her personal items as clothing and makeups.   
I'm confused and I don't know how to handle the next step.  I don't mind that she moves and I can help her doing so but only after she finishes the inpatient program.  Since she refuse that, I feel like I should tell her that sine she walked out then she will only get to take her clothes and other personal items, no furniture or electronics in the hope that I'm not seen as being as taking part of this mistake, if it is one.  I'm lost, should I just let her go without the needed inpatient program?  Should I help her move? Should I give her all the furniture she needs to play house? please advise. thanks.

ps: sorry for any misspelling or grammatical errors, I'm in between things as I'm typing this thread.

pam1

Welcome Steph :)

Please read the highlighted items in the category Open Me First, we ask all new members to do so in order to get a feel for WWU and how we came about.  I'm glad you found us, but am sorry to hear about your troubles.  I think you will find a lot of support here.

Does this program offer any services to you and DH?  Maybe they can tell you what's your best options in dealing with your DD.  Or something like Al Anon? 

People throw rocks at things that shine - Taylor Swift

Pooh

Welcome Steph.  I'm always the "tough love" kind of person, so I would probably allow her the personal items, but not the furniture.  I also wouldn't help her move.  I'm only saying that because if she wants to be an adult, then she has to be able to help herself.  My fear if she is refusing the help for her alcohol problem, she would pawn/sell any furniture or electronics to get money. 

Maybe try to explain to her that you are proud she wants to be an adult and try to make her own way but that until you see that she is functioning well and making good decisions, the furniture stays there?
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Pen

I'm with Pooh. The furniture stays  w/you. You don't know the people she's moving in with - who knows how they would treat it?
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb