I'm listening

[Lillycache]

Thanks, guys. I know it isn't the end of the world. My anger & pain will subside, the sadness may take awhile.

DS used to visit alone, and occasionally we'd see him in his town alone. Not so much now...he promises to come over, but never shows. He invited me to stop by once but DIL got home early & he weirded out so I left. We don't have GC yet, thank goodness. I've been preparing to be the left-out GM anyway, already got that memo.

I'm sorry..  I know all about the Left-out GM syndrome.  If it's any consolation... at least you can brace yourself in preparation.  You will not be completely gob-smacked by it and looking like a fool when you object to it.   As time passes, the anger fades, and the unfairness becomes just another fact of life.  I am sure your son will do what he can to let you have some access to his children. As I have learned.. you take what you can get in that regard.

[Monroe]

As I have learned.. you take what you can get in that regard.

Or you don't.  This is why I hope my DS and DIL do not have children.  I'd rather have no GKs than be put in position of having to "take what (I) can get" rather than have a real relationship.  I think it would hurt too much (Pooh, are you listening?) to have a GC and not have a relationship.  I think I'd rather take nothing than take crumbs.  Crumbs are too painful, as Pen well knows, and that's not even in a GC context. 

[Lillycache]

As I have learned.. you take what you can get in that regard.

Or you don't.  This is why I hope my DS and DIL do not have children.  I'd rather have no GKs than be put in position of having to "take what (I) can get" rather than have a real relationship.  I think it would hurt too much (Pooh, are you listening?) to have a GC and not have a relationship.  I think I'd rather take nothing than take crumbs.  Crumbs are too painful, as Pen well knows, and that's not even in a GC context.

I went through that "I'd rather have nothing than only the crumbs" phase too.  But I never had the guts to tell my son that I didn't want him to come over with the kids...even if it was only 3 or 4 times a year.  I'm glad I didn't.  Ya know why?  Because it really doesn't hurt so much any more.  In fact.. last Friday was my GDs birthday.  My son called me from work and said he would have her call me when he got home.  I was wondering what he was talking about...... until I remembered it was her birthday.  Things like that surprise me now. I am amazed at how detached I have become.   He is going to bring them by on Saturday.  I'll go out Friday to get all the kids their birthday presents as I didn't see any of them on or around their actual birthdays.  This was not my decision.  It was their mother's. 

[Pooh]

I can only answer for my own position as a GM, since I have 3 totally unique of each other situations going on.  With first GD, I will always cherish those 6 months of seeing her.  Those are precious memories that I will carry with me forever and I still hold out hope for that situation to get better over time as soon as YS can get back to a stable lifestyle and go back to court.  If it doesn't work out, then I will never be sorry that she came along.  She's a beautiful child and this probably sounds selfish, but I will always know she was wanted, loved and carries a little piece of her GM's spunk around with her.  She can't help what her Mom has done.

GD number two will be OS/DIL's at the end of this month sometime.  This is the one I'm struggling with.  I know, in my heart, that OS will make a wonderful Father and she will be loved.  I would gladly take 3-4 visits a year (since they live close) or phone calls, etc.  But I know it will not be that way.  Since they haven't bothered to include us in their lives, let alone let us know about the baby, then the reality I have faced is one of not seeing her.  So for this one, I will fair better not having any relationship with her and letting them live their own lives, then having a fake relationship when they decide to grace me with their presence.

Number 3 will be YS/FDIL's due December 21.  The first GS on both our side and hers.  This one will be my undoing as a GM .  Getting to be around him already, talking to him through her cute little belly, thumping him when she's not looking just to annoy her and then living with him for 5 months after his birth.....I will be hooked.  I do know their lives will lead them off for awhile, but I am very confident that they will work hard to keep that relationship alive, as will we.  She's already talking skype, pictures, taking our vacations there where they will be and coming home for holidays.  I also know that right now, they have decided that when his time is up, they want to come back to our area.  Both families are here and they are both very family oriented. 

I guess I am saying that even with each situation I have, I'm still very glad they will all be here.  I know that at some point, my OS will look at something his DD does and think, "Oh geesh...she did that just like Mom".  I know that they will all be loved and taken care of and for me, it's the circle of life that continues.  Regardless of what any of them think, I had a little something to do with them all.

[Pen]

.....I know that at some point, my OS will look at something his DD does and think, "Oh geesh...she did that just like Mom".  I know that they will all be loved and taken care of and for me, it's the circle of life that continues.  Regardless of what any of them think, I had a little something to do with them all.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately (ya think?) Our DSs/DILs who are trying to eradicate us from their lives will still have to deal with the DNA we're passing along. Maybe my DIL thinks her FOO's DNA is special and will override ours, and maybe she's right...but I have a feeling there will be a little bit of Pen in there somewhere. I hope that doesn't create issues for the poor babe.

[Lillycache]

lol!!   I know what you mean.  My oldest grandson is my look-alike.  You certainly can tell we are related.   I have to chuckle to myself that everytime my DIL looks at him.... she can't help but see me!!   Serves her right..

[jdtm]

everytime my DIL looks at him.... she can't help but see me!!

Yes, but it is even a bigger joke when the "act" like us.  And the odds are - one will.  LOL 

[Pooh]

Hee hee.  My fist GD looks exactly like my YS.  Red hair, freckles, blue eyes and his red-headed temper. (Noooo....I don't have red in my hair, blue eyes and freckles   Just knowing that her Mother has to look at her, every day and see YS's little mini-me, does make me smile.

We shall see on the other two....