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When your child hurts.....you hurt.

Started by Lillycache, September 25, 2012, 06:33:11 AM

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Lillycache

I don't care how old they get.   My son is unhappy.  He has been on antidepresants for over a year.  He just told me that he wishes his doctor would increase his dose so he could no longer feel emotion of any kind.  I could not go into it with him..  I believe I know what is troubling him.  I cannot help him.  I.  cannot give advise. My advise would be biased.  But he worries me..  His desire to no longer feel anything is frightening.   What can I do?  Just sit an wait.

Doe

Maybe you could just continue to be there, a calm cheerful presence in his life.  You wrote earlier that he has suggested that you contact him, right?  Maybe you could just text him with normal, everyday conversation about things you know he's interested in.  Light topics that could distract him from his problems. 

I know this is tough and I feel for you.


Lillycache

Yes...  I will do that.  my concerns do get worse.  His medication is causing some abnormal heart beats..  Yet he continues on a high does.  His doc is aware..  I just hope he keeps monitoring it.   If he were still mine, I would be calling the Doctor with my concerns... But again.. it's not my place.   Oh how hard it is to know ones place and stay in it.

luise.volta

Yes, there can be a great price attached to caring. Most of us didn't anticipate that as adults, our children would be up against life and we wouldn't be able to help. We just didn't look that far ahead. Observing our AC is not anything there's a User Manual for. All we have known is participation. For so long dependence was normal. Then it shifts to unhealthy and we are left with our noses pressed up the the glass of their struggles. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Smilesback@u

Yes, it does hurt, and they know we care and that really helps. 

PatiencePlease

I SO understand your thread title.  Yes, we do hurt.  And in some ways I think we hurt even more because we want to fix something where  it's not our place to fix.  :(

I, too, think you as a parent should be a sounding board and a positive presence to your child.  Other than that, there really isn't much else we can do. 

Parenting is not easy.  How naive I was at the time I wanted to become pregnant!!!!   ::) I had no clue to what challenges lay ahead....

Pen

It's a fine line we walk, isn't it? It's so tempting to jump in and try to make it all better for our AC. No longer ours to do, sadly.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

luise.volta

I look back to when I married at age 20. Not a care in the world because I didn't know I didn't know. What the heck, I was in love and I could fry eggs and make brownies!
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

capoly

Quote from: luise.volta on September 25, 2012, 09:17:57 PM
I look back to when I married at age 20. Not a care in the world because I didn't know I didn't know. What the heck, I was in love and I could fry eggs and make brownies!

lol luise.....simple words for the simple truth.  Young and in love...led by the (understandable) words of love songs into believing that love could, would, conquer all. 

Back then, as a single parent, I used to sing 'You & me against the World' while swirling my young son.  Never was a thought given to his not being in my world. 

"When all the others turn their backs and walked away, You can count on me to stay"  And never, ever, did I think I'd need, want, someone to tell me it is okay not to stay. 



Lillycache

Quote from: capoly on September 26, 2012, 01:20:06 AM
Quote from: luise.volta on September 25, 2012, 09:17:57 PM
I look back to when I married at age 20. Not a care in the world because I didn't know I didn't know. What the heck, I was in love and I could fry eggs and make brownies!

lol luise.....simple words for the simple truth.  Young and in love...led by the (understandable) words of love songs into believing that love could, would, conquer all. 

Back then, as a single parent, I used to sing 'You & me against the World' while swirling my young son.  Never was a thought given to his not being in my world. 

"When all the others turn their backs and walked away, You can count on me to stay"  And never, ever, did I think I'd need, want, someone to tell me it is okay not to stay.

That was the song my son and I danced to at his wedding.   

Do you remember when the circus came to town.... and you were frightened by the clown... Wasn't it nice to be around someone that you knew... someone who was big and strong and looking out for you.............................

capoly

 Am in tears thinking of your pain, Lillycache, for I know even a beloved memory can now be tainted by present day 'Whys?'.   

Well, we will dance here :D We will stay big and strong...and look out for each other.  It is a special place that will help keep us sane.


Lillycache

Thanks...  I know everyone here is there for me..  Not much anyone can do.  All we can do is listen to and support one another. 

This whole thing has made me a little blue..  even morbid.  I know that should anything happen to my son (Heaven forbid!!)    My DIL will never let me know it.  Such is her spite and hatred.  I know what she is capable of and that really bothers me.  My son was always a happy person!  Upbeat and positive.  To hear him talk this way breaks my heart.  also, to know that the medicine (an antidepressant) is causing him abnormal heartbeats, and to know that particular medicine can cause fatal arrythmias... and I cannot do a dang thing but worry.  OK...vent coming...   It appears that everyone around DIL needs to be mediated.. even her son.. and MY son...  something is horribly wrong!  vent over.... I need to get to work and get my mind on other things. 

Doe

Can you encourage your son to speak up to his doc? 

fwiw,  some anti-depressants can exacerbate depression:
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-20081076-10391704.html

Lillycache

Quote from: Doe on September 26, 2012, 07:54:03 AM
Can you encourage your son to speak up to his doc? 

fwiw,  some anti-depressants can exacerbate depression:
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-20081076-10391704.html

He had just returned from the doctor when I last spoke with him.  The doctor did say that the medication could be causing the arrythmia, but he didn't seem very concerned about it.   I will certainly encourage my son to get another opinion and see another doc is he remains so depressed.

Karenna

I know it's tempting to blame your DIL for your son's depression, but you're only getting part of the story from him.  (Remember that when he wanted money for his speeding ticket, he crafted the story he knew you'd want to hear - that his mean ol' wife would yell at him if he 'fessed up to dangerous driving.)

Yeah, marital strife is probably part of it.  But if your GS has behavior issues requiring medication, that's stressful too.  He could also have difficulties at work, no time to see his friends, money troubles, lack of sleep, insufficient exercise, poor diet, a feeling of midlife purposelessness, etc.

You're not doing him any favors if you try to reduce all the things that are wrong in his life to the wife.  It blinds you and him to the other things that he needs to get control of.

I know it's hard to sit by and watch, but he's the only one who can fix his depression.