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Overbearing Future MIL- HELP!!!

Started by PoppyMillie, September 19, 2012, 10:03:17 pm

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foofoo

DUMP HIM!

Once you are married it will only get worse and given the fact that you are educated, next thing you will be dealing with is there various financial demands.  Once you have kids, it is all over.

Dump him and do it now.  Run.

Monroe

Oh, what most of the MILs on this board would have given to have gotten a DIL who had the slightest interest and openness towards DS' FOO.   

Most MILs here welcomed the DIL with open arms, bent over backwards to be helpful (paying for things, letting the young couple live with them, babysitting, etc.) - only to be rejected by the DIL!  (With the DS' acquiescence if not outright approval).   

Why couldn't the DILs who reject be paired with the MILs who reject,  and the DILs who want acceptance be paired with the MILs who offer both love and acceptance?   Then everyone would be happy. 

Grammie

Well said Monroe!  PoppyMillie, You're in a tough position after investing so much time in the relationship.  Good luck to you.
Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable.   
~ Denis Waitley ~

Pen

My first marriage ended after two years in part because my then-MIL didn't approve of me and influenced her DS's opinion of me as well. I tried to build a civil relationship w/her but she couldn't accept me. My X-DH never stood up for me & I got tired of feeling "less than" all the time. Luckily we didn't have children; if we had, I would be dealing w/ X-MIL to this day - horrors!

He later apologized for his treatment of me, but we'd been divorced many years by then.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Footloose

Oh MY!  I agree w/ FooFoo.  Run!  Run NOW and get your life together, sister!  Do not waste anymore time on this man who shows you DO NOT matter!

Do not settle for the "better than nothing" relationships?!  Nothing is REALLY better!  U deserve to be picky and a partner who has ur back and respects you as a person is a MINIMUM requirement.  Dump this jerk and go find your true partner!

I know I am being blunt and do not want to add to your grief but the MIL is only a symptom of the true disorder, you picked the wrong guy. 

Doe

On the other hand, if you do marry him despite what we advise, you can always come back here and try to work your relationship with your MIL/DH.  We'll be here - we're just trying to save you some heartache.

Smilesback@u

I am sorry about your Mom, that could really hurt to lose her now.  I lost my Mom to lung cancer but she was over 60, and I felt like a ragdoll after she died.  Wedding planning is a family affair getting everyone together, so you need to know that I for one appreciate all your efforts.  What do men know about these things?  You have to tell them.  I agree that your fiance sounds like he has a nasty-mouthed mom, poor guy.  He will have to be told that it is up to him to handle her so that when things are rough, he sets her straight.  That's not up to you.  Sometimes sons do not get that they take a wife and then need to protect her from all outsiders (like his mom).  Six years is a long engagement in my book btw, so I imagine it is not too easy for you to let go.  You are smart and can figure this one out - whether to leave or not.  You are not marrying his family either, but they will be around forever...you might want to see if your fiance is up to the task of keeping his side of the family at bay so you can live happily together before you marry.  See what he says to setting appropriate boundaries with his mom.  And then make the best decision for you and what you want in life.   

PoppyMillie

Update
My mother has been stugging with cancer now for many years, and passed away last week. It wasn't until days after she passed that I really become aware of the full extent of the meaning behind my future MIL's nasty comments, I now know the true extent of the meaning of her words. Watching my mother take her last breath, and seeing the postive impact that she left behind on the people around her. Her nasty comments are truely unforgiveable!!!!. I now know that I can now longer live with my partner and his family in my life, and it is time to cut all ties to his family.

FAFE

PM, my condolences in the passing of your mother.  I know you loved her very much and could see what was in store for you with your with your partner and family.  I'm so glad you have made the decision to take the off ramp.  Hope you find someone you deserve and can have a very happy life with. 

Pen

My thoughts are with you, PoppyMillie. Life is too short to not be as happy as possible. Best wishes for a future filled with true love, respect, and acceptance.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Smilesback@u

My thoughts are for you PM.  Take care, hugs

Pooh

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Sarah

Hi, I'm new here, but wanted to say, I'm so sorry for your loss PM.  I'm so glad you found the strength to create a new life for yourself that will be healthy, and happy.  You may be sad for awhile, but will heal and be stronger.  Good luck.

luise.volta

Welcome, Sarah! - We ask all new members to go to our Home Page and under Open Me First...to read the three posts there. Please especially focus on the Forum Agreement to be sure WWU is a fit. We are a monitored Website. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama