Just dumbfounded

[constantmargaret]

I once went out to see a popular local stand up comedian.   His idea of funny was to bring people up on stage and tear them apart. I watched as they all laughed fake laughs to show they were good sports, while the audience laughed uncomfortable laughs, either to show they had the correct sense of humor or out of fear of being the next victim.

I left before intermission. I have always despised Don Rickles' insult-type humor that gets a laugh at someone else's expense.

So if my DIL did what you describe, I would say something, and if it continued, I would leave, because I also believe that to stay would be condoning the behavior.  If my son chooses to get upset with me for that, well...then he doesn't know me very well. I would rather be hated for speaking my mind than accepted for dummying up.

And I don't care if he does "deserve" it, there are more effective and useful ways to deal with problems than public humiliation. That only compounds it.

As for what I would say, "Shut your pie hole" comes to mind, but it probably would come out more like, "I don't feel comfortable with the jokes about DS's inadequacies, but I am concerned, and if I can help by talking privately, give me a call. " If she wants to get all bent out of shape over that, oh well. At least she knows where I stand.

I agree with Lilly...whatever you can live with better.

[tryingmybest]

Well it happened again.  DH and I tried a new tactic. When she started, we stopped talking and focused all our attention on her with these bright smiles on our faces. My cousin was visiting and did the same thing.  She finally noticed and sputtered into silence. We then resumed a normal conversation. I'm sure she now thinks I'm nuts, but hey. DS was trying hard not to laugh, it's the same tactic I used with my kids when they were having temper tantrums. He remembered!

[Dalmania]

Good for you!  Glad it worked!  I can understand why your son wanted to laugh!

[luise.volta]

[pam1]

Good move, TMB!

[Pooh]

Really ladies!!! Are you willing to compromise the person you are because of the immaturity of your AC.

My answer to this is that I would be compromising the person I am if I didn't speak up on behalf of a person I love.  Doesn't matter if it was my DH, AC, DM or Best Friend.  If someone was trashing them, I would defend them as politely as I could.

[Amethyst]

I was going to suggest that you hijack the conversation everytime she starts ripping into him and talk about lots of positive/funny things about him. Have other family members join in too to diffuse her completely.

What you did was masterful though. I love that your Son saw what you were doing too 

[enorton]

Think you replied to a comment not directed at your situation.

[Pooh]

Let me remind you enorton, this is a "take what you want and leave the rest" forum.  I offered the other side of the coin to what you were saying.  You don't have to agree with it.