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Always miss gc sooo much when they leave!

Started by justanoldgrandma, August 20, 2012, 04:36:07 pm

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justanoldgrandma

I already know the answer to this but had to ask if others feel the same way.  When dh and I stay w ds, dil, and gc, the gc cling to their mother and somewhat to their father (mom is a sahm.)  So dh and I are there when they go out or on errands and it always takes a while for them to get used to us again.  We are the go-to adults when the p's aren't around; not the most loved, of course.

But sometimes we get to have the gc at our house or theirs like the last few days and had the constant care (they are 4 and 9 months.)  Although we are exhausted after the visit, when they leave, I miss the hugs and giggles and stories and play all so much it takes a while for me to get used to their being gone. It's almost like they are our own children for that brief time (of course the older one, esp.,  miss their p's and we have them talk on the phone, etc.....not trying to replace the p's!)   DH loves them dearly but isn't such a sentimental fool and can go on w life more easily when they are gone.)

I know when we raised our kids I loved them dearly but had to work outside the house at the same time.  Of course, when they left for college, I cried after they left but did adjust of course.  (Yes, very sentimental!) With the gc, we just put everything on hold and concentrate on them.  I was going to go exercise class this evening after they left, but took such a long nap and missed the class.....

I know I need to get out more and get more friends and activities so that the gc aren't the loves of my life to such an extent.....anyone else miss the gc so much when they are gone? (My dil is difficult at times but loves it when she can do things w/o the children and ds appreciates the time off also.....so I know we are blessed.)

So....any other too attached gmas out there?  (We don't call them or their parents often, Skype, drop in on them, email, shower w gifts, any of the "too much" things; just see them once or twice a month when they ask; live 2 hrs. away so don't do the over-gp thing.)

Okay, about over the cry spell now.....I do know I need to plan some fun or busy activity to do when they leave so that my world isn't consumed w them (I'm retired and do need more activities and am fortunate to have a dh.) 

Any other sentimental gp's out there?!

luise.volta

I am sentimental about my grandsons...now that they are in their 40s! ::)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Pooh

I am and just get ready.  Come May of next year, after having been with FDIL with every stage of the pregnancy, daily...every Doctor visit....the birth in December and then having my new GS for five months in my home, access daily....I will be a mess when they leave.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Pen

Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Lillycache

I saw my Grandkids last night for the first time in 5 months.  We met my son for dinner.  It's not like there is any problem between me and my son, but it's just a matter of him being busy with work and preoccupied with other things.    My oldest GS who is 10 ran up to me right away and gave me a hug and a kiss.   My GD who is 8 was reluctant at first and acted shy, but I gave her a little present and she warmed up pretty quickly.   The baby who is only 2 wasnt shy about looking at me or talking, but he didn't want to come to me for a hug and a kiss.  It took about an hour and he finally came to me and let me pick him up.  Then he started giving lots of kisses.

I have to admit that I am thinking about them more today and missing them more today than I usually do.  It will pass though and in a few days I won't be quite so "grandmotherish"  I have gotten pretty used to seeing them only a 3 maybe 4 times a year for a few hours.   My DIL would never allow them to stay with me, but lets my son bring them for occasional supervised visits.  At this point I don't think I would agree to keep them without my son.

justanoldgrandma

Ah, Pooh, I will add to the hug! 

Okay, yesterday I pampered myself in some brief crying spells, seeing gc toys still scattered around, napped bc I was so exhausted, did a bit of clean up and slept like a log.

Today, I went to hairdresser (a treat!) and was pampered by sweet and efficient young gal.  Walmart (not so sweet.)  Drove home and then out for dinner w friends (again, not a usual occasion but hit the spot.)

Am over the baby blues now.....knew I had to do a bit of silly grieving when the gc left, and then do some fun and relaxing activities.....
And am busy w a life w/o the gc.....and content.

Pooh, you are in for an exhausting period, I know you know!  Hope you can get away for some r and r while the baby is with you.  When all leave, you will find a mixture of sadness, loneliness, and relief that you can get some rest and do what you want to do when you want to do it.....one advantage of not having the baby all the time!

I know I could adjust to not seeing the gc as often as I do, as Lilly does......we do adjust, though it's harder to see them less after seeing them fairly often.  I know I am way too old and tired to be a gma 24/7!  But glad I get to see them when I can.....And I do feel for gps who would like to see the gc more and can't for some reason or other (in my case, the other gps see the gc a lot more bc dds seem to see their moms more....sometimes) but I know I am fortunate in what I have.

Keeps coming back to Luise's premise.....we were people before we had children/gc and are people afterwards (paraphrased).....I just have to live a full life w and w/o the kids!