How does this happen?

[Begonia]

Many of you know that I cut off communication with my AS in May after he and his wife were very rude (200th time).  All of you know how hard it is to miss those GC.  They are 7 & 10. 

Yesterday started out really heavy.  No real reason to feel depressed but boy it was difficult to rise above it. So finally I forced myself to go for a hike.  We have lots of lovely trails close by.  As I was driving to the park, there was a detour so I took a different street from usual.  At the four-way stop I started turning left and in the car right next to me, waiting for me to turn sat my son in the driver's seat of this car I didn't recognize.  They live 5 hours away from me, but I live in a tourist town and they love to vacation here (not unusual for them not to even let me know they are in town).  I thought I was seeing things as it was not their usual van, so I looked closely and it was him.  The car was full of people (DIL's family I am sure).  I know he saw me but stared straight ahead.  I didn't wave.  My heart sank worse than it was already.  How can this happen?  It seemed like a cruel joke from the universe.  Here I was trying to feel less depressed and this happens.  I wanted to just go home and cry.

The questions flew in my head.  How can he blah blah?? and on and on like a racing train.  It was so hurtful to think that I am not a part of that family that I love so much. 

So I hiked hard, up and down, until some of the angst left and I turned my hurt into something better.  It is what it is.  And I said to myself, "You got to see him, and he is healthy and happy with his family," that is my gift.  And I tried to focus on that and be grateful and not do stupid stuff like try to understand it or call my AD or my sister to rally them around.  Nope, I just walked it off.  I am proud of myself today and feel lighter for making good progress.  And today I have had so many "out of the blue" emails from friends who are touching base, and invites to do things.  Love is free to give and today I only have love in my heart.  And I send both my AC and GC love from my heart. Like they say, you cannot hold anger and love at the same time.  I even sent my AD a short little note wishing her a good week and signed it Love, Mom.

The moral of the story is that even if a person feels bad and then something happens that makes you feel even "badder," a person can rise above it and carry on.   

[tinker]

Wow!!! What a post.  I may not know you but I am so proud of you.  You did what all of us
need to strive to do.  I think that was the biggest step you could of ever taken in all of this.
I am so proud that you did not call anyone....that is where I am at not running to the phone
when ever my AC do or say things that hurt.  Great job.

Blessings

Tinker

[Lillycache]

Holy moley.... talk about serandipity.   I can't imagine how it must have felt to look over and see him.  I am so proud of how you handled it though.  Great job!!

[SCW]

I find hope in your post.  When I read about you seeing him in the car, it felt like someone punched in in the stomach.  I can just imagine how that felt for you.

You did a great job getting through it.  (I wish I could find something that helps me emotionally but doesn't hurt physically.) Seeing that it brought you so many blessings today, well that's just icing on the cake.  Congratulations!

[Begonia]

Thank you Lilly and Tinker and SCW for your nice replies. I wish you strength. 

SCW:  it DID feel just like someone had punched me in the stomach.  Here I was alone and there they all were, having a fun outing together.  Oh, I could really get on a pity party with that one!!!   

I just think that the universe handed me a test and I passed it.  How to not take it personally.  For all I know my son could have been saying to himself "Geepers, I wish I were with mom instead of this completely dysfunctional family of my DW."  It always seems rosy (we always imagine it would be somehow better to be THERE, instead of where we are) but in fact I know DIL family is bonkers so I was saved from dealing with that.  But the GK...they are the sweetest of all and if the universe can cause a meeting between cars at that exact moment in a city of 100,000 people, then what other things might happen?   

Good wishes on your journeys Wise Women....   

[Pooh]

Oh Begonia you did so well with such a tough situation!  So proud of you!

[Begonia]

Thank you, dear Pooh.  Hugs out to you.

[Doe]

Oh, Begonia, you made my day!  We need more "this is how I climbed that mountain" posts.  I envision you scrambling right over that son of yours and up that slope!

[Ruth]

That was just an amazing post, Begonia, and I had to read it twice in order to grasp the whole thing.  It was (I am sorry!) even a little comical, as I could get a mental picture of your DS popping out sweat beads, staring straight ahead.  I can assure you, even if everybody in that van acted like they were in control, it had to have been ugly.  You survived one of those insane moments.  We do have them, don't we.  The thing I see so promising for you is that you didn't internalize it at all, you didn't wallow in remorse and worry 'what a bad Mom I must be', and all that garbage.  It was an incident where this family behaved badly, and they will have to deal with the consequences of that.  I am glad you had a good walk.  The weekends are my worst times, and if I just get through it I feel I did ok.  I do love you, precious one.

[Begonia]

Doe:  Thank you, I always listen closely to your wise comments on this board.  Yes, I love hearing how WW solve our dilemmas and just keep moving forward. 

[Begonia]

Ruth:  I do love you too, and really respect you for how hard you are working to get peace in your life.  Yes, I can see now that it is comical too, in a way . If they thought they were going to get in and out of town without seeing me, they were wrong!!!   

[Keys Girl]

Begonia, kudos to you for sticking to your plan and getting the hike in and not driving your car into a pole in surprise. 

I don't think the universe was sending you a message but as someone once told me "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger".

Just keep on, keeping on.

KG

[Begonia]

Thank you KG. Moving forward is such hard work.

[Pooh]

And I get this mental picture of him, thinking for the rest of the day, "She's going to call....she's going to call and ask what I was doing...she saw me...she knows I was around town....what am I going to say....what excuse can I give....she's gonna call....any minute now....tick tock....tick tock...."

Hate it for him!  You rock!

[Pen]

Great job handling an awful, awkward, painful situation, Begonia. Pooh, wonderful and probably 100% accurate mental picture...Begonia, let him sweat a bit.