Author Topic: Holding a Grudge  (Read 3132 times)

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Offline NewMama

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Re: Holding a Grudge
« Reply #15 on: August 10, 2012, 08:25:05 AM »
I have a lot harder time letting go of things when they're 'wrongs' committed against a loved one rather than myself.

Many, many years ago my GF's brother passed away, and my GF was trying to arrange funeral stuff locally. One of the higher-ups at the church was incredibly mean and condescending to him, and we had to get another priest involved to get things sorted out. To this day, whenever I hear that man's name, I grumble in my head about what a jerk he was to my poor little old GF. The odd time I've seen him, I'm sure I was giving him some serious stink-eye.

I have the hardest time biting my tongue with MIL when she's doing something that upsets DS. If he's crying and reaching for me, she'll grab him away. She tried to stop me from checking on him once when he was having a hard time settling for his nap - tried to get in front me to stop me from going into the room, followed me, and then tried to take him from me when I picked him up. That's the stuff that I'm going to have a hard time ever letting go of if this gets better. It's destroyed the trust I used to have in her.

Offline Pooh

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Re: Holding a Grudge
« Reply #16 on: August 10, 2012, 08:37:51 AM »
I get that.  I'm the same way.  I was hurt and devastated by the affair Ex and her had, and although he was being a hiney during and after the divorce, I never confronted her or him or said anything to them.  I wanted to...but I didn't.  I think I feel like I gave her a free pass and now that she's started on them, I want to tear into them both.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Holding a Grudge
« Reply #17 on: August 10, 2012, 09:46:59 AM »
If anyone had ever tried to get between me and one of my babies or had tried to take one of them from me, that would have been it. End of story - done. I'm serious. I don't know what I would call setting that kind of a boundary but I don't think I would call it holding a grudge. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline Pen

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Re: Holding a Grudge
« Reply #18 on: August 10, 2012, 09:49:09 AM »
Yup, the only grudges I still hold are those towards people who have messed with my kids! I'm able to chalk up slights against me as warnings to stay watchful when dealing with certain people, but it's different if my kids were involved. Mamma Lion growling!!!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Holding a Grudge
« Reply #19 on: August 10, 2012, 09:56:46 AM »
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…..
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Offline luise.volta

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Re: Holding a Grudge
« Reply #20 on: August 10, 2012, 10:12:26 AM »
I still don't think that is holding a grudge. I guess it's about how we define a grudge…bottom line. For me, what we've been describing is more about seeing the other as incapacitated in some kind of destructive way…and therefore keeping our distance. If I had to look closely at a "holding a grudge", I see it as more petty; maybe just not being willing to let go of another person's idiosyncrasies that are really more bothersome than harmful. (And forgetting I have my own…)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama