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Grrrrr and OUCHHHH

Started by AnnieB, August 20, 2009, 11:08:14 am

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luise.volta

I think if a guy said that to me now, I would probably say something like..."It sounds like you have had some negative experiences with your mom and your women friends. Care to talk about it? Because at this time, at least, it's not about me. And I have to add that I have learned never to promise how I will react in any given situation because too often I surprise and occasionally disappoint myself."

But I don't have to worry...at 82, MILs are the least of my worries!  ;D :D ;)
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Prissy

Luise,
I have evidently gone about explaining this wrong. I'm sorry I can't word it properly.  It is simply one great guy who married a woman and they didn't get along.  He married again and he is happy.  End of story.

His Mother is a wonderful woman, they have a great family and this new wife fits in beautifully, which was obviously important to him.  The look on his face in the family photos tells the whole story. 

luise.volta

I got that, Prissy...but at first it sounded as though we were being asked what we thought of his initial remarks to the women. I was just playing with that. All is well.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

AnnieB

August 22, 2009, 09:51:28 am #18 Last Edit: September 03, 2009, 03:56:16 pm by AnnieB
I know we've changed topics here, but just for an update.. my son called me (remember he's 3,914 miles away, so we can't drop in) and said she had read the letter but doesn't want to talk about it.   She is not 'ready' to talk to me.  She's upset because our relationshipship has been changed from what it was.... but she doesn't want to talk about it.  As to coming to visit some time, I am welcome as long as I don't talk about it.

Prissy

Oh, AnnieB, my total negativity will show again, but see?  The DIL can do whatever she wants to do and takes your son with her. It's all up to her.


luise.volta

August 22, 2009, 10:16:15 am #20 Last Edit: August 22, 2009, 10:19:46 am by luise.volta
Well, I have been brought up short many times, too, about perceptions. I have thought I knew what was going on with another person only to find I was way out in left field.

How can you be anywhere but in the dark if the subject has been banned? Beyond silence always comes assumption and speculation. How sad that your DIL is dictating impasse.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

AnnieB

Quote from: Prissy on August 22, 2009, 10:15:25 am
Oh, AnnieB, my total negativity will show again, but see?  The DIL can do whatever she wants to do and takes your son with her. It's all up to her.


Not sure how you see that, Prissy.  If I want, I can talk to him ad naseum about this, I just can't talk to her about it -- yet.  My feeling is that the interaction between us caught her by surprise -- she has some fear that if I see her as less than perfect, I won't care about her at all.  And probably she thought I was "perfect" because I never challenged her.   

I actually see some possibility of growth here, though it will be some time coming.   I'm going to send my son this article...if I'm to be accused of being a MIL then I guess I'll act like one... ;D


Prissy

Oh, I misunderstood again...good that you can talk to him. 

luise.volta

Feels like terminal eggshell-itis to me.  :(
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

AnnieB

I will add that I was not thrilled to find out they are taking my 3 yr. old grandson (OK, their son) to Turkey this week and leaving him there until October.    .  My son says it's just for a break and I know how that goes.  Seems a long time and of course, my now paranoid mind turns to dark thoughts..... I watch too many Unsolved Mysteries...

luise.volta

I know this sounds old-fashioned...but my take on it is that no 3 year old should be away from his/her parents for a month. And what little I know about Turkey scares me silly. Not a very supportive response but an honest one.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

just2baccepted

I work with a lady who travels a lot with her hubby.  He's a professor I believe.  She told me that they went to Turkey several years ago.  I had the same reaction, "don't they all wanna kill us?"  She said the people were so nice and were excited that they were Americans and the  Turkish people wanted to talk her and her husband and find out about life in America.  I'm sure though there are people  who are America haters over  there though.

AnnieB

August 25, 2009, 08:32:25 pm #27 Last Edit: September 03, 2009, 03:56:58 pm by AnnieB
  My grandson will be safe, it's my son I worry about.  But I think my mind is just too much into the drama...

just2baccepted

AnnieB - I'm so sorry, I didn't realize your dil was Turkish and they would be visiting family etc.  I do understand that would be uncomfortable for me as well.  If you are religious I think I would just leave it in God's hands.  I'm sure you'll be able to relax again when they come home.  Has your son ever traveled to Turkey before to see the family?

luise.volta

Where I got stuck was"...where they are leaving him..."
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama