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My 13 year old grandaughter gave birth 10 days ago

Started by JaneF, September 24, 2012, 02:29:46 pm

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Hello once again.  I never did get a call or message from my ds, but another person I know saw it on Facebook...I am a great grandmother as of September 14th.  The little gal was 9 pounds, and 22 inches long!  From the photos on Facebook she is a beautiful baby.  I obviously know nothing else because I am sure my dil does not want us involved in her life (so what's new huh?).  Oh well, no point in being upset because I am so used to this being the way it is already with my grandaughters.  It now does not make me sad, or angry because I finally decided some time ago that no matter what I do or do not do, it will not change.  My life has been SO much easier since I have changed MY attitude about things!  I saw on Facebook today that my grandaughter made a statement yesterday about the fact that she doesn't know if she can do this anymore.  I guess I expected this, as she herself is obviously a child number one...and most likely does not have the ability to parent this infant!  Duh, right?  I do worry about the tiny one, and I hope my ds and dil are smart enough to realize that they are probably going to have to care for the child.  It is so sad that there are those out there that want a baby so badly, but cannot have one...but here we have a child who got pregnant at the age of 12.  So unfair huh?  It might seem mean of me to say, but I kind of wish the baby could be given to someone who would cherish and adore her and raise her correctly.  The home situation where she is now is not in the best interests of the child, to be truthful.  All I can say is I am hoping for the best in this case...and we shall see.  I have not contacted my ds and asked why he felt it necessary to withold the info about the birth of my first great grandchild, nor do I plan to.  I am guessing that his wife does not want us involved in any way, only wants her family involved...fine with me!  lol  They are probably angry though that I did not hand them a tidy sum of money or buy all the baby needs like I did when my first grandaughter was born.  Why would I be stupid twice???  I was kept out of her life for the most part, except for when gifts were expected of course.  I learned that lesson quickly though.  Thanks for letting me share some thoughts once again my wise friends.   J


So glad she is here safe and sound, J - and deeply admire how you are handling it. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama


Jane, you have my admiration, too. 

9 pounds is a big baby!


You're doing so well with this, JaneF. I'm glad to hear your GD & GGD are well, even if the situation is not. If FB gets to be too much you can stop checking in, I guess.
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb


You sound real strong, and I believe you are fortunate in having good boundaries on what you will and won't do, having learned from your experiences.  Glad you have a healthy GGD - awesome!  And sweet sadness that her mother is a teenager with a lot of her own growing up to do.  I don't know of anything you can do to make the situation change other than put a kind thought in GD's mind, that if it was too much for her, there are couples struggling to have a baby who would love to help her with her baby.  Sending strength to you and your GD. 


We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. -
Joseph Campbell


Sending strength your way and glad the baby is healthy.  My thoughts go out to the new mom for all she must be going through. 
So hard to be in this situation but you sound very wise.  Keep posting, we are here for you.
Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift (Eleanor Roosevelt)


I thank you for your great posts as always.  I still have not heard from my ds, but then it comes as no surprise!  lol  I do not get upset about stuff on Facebook really.  If it is something I don't like reading I simply don't read it!  I do not let things like that bother me, life is too short.  I never post ugly things on the computer either...as far as that site goes, I find that tasteless actually.  I agree with the thoughts about folks who would really love to have this sweet baby, and I thank you for understanding why I said what I did...I really was thinking of what was best for the sweet baby.  It would be a hard decision obviously, but I know that my grandaughters mother would never allow my grandaughter to do that anyway.  She and her family have a very different type of family, one that does not really have anything to do with others except for their family members...odd situation at best!  I have grown used to it after all these years and know it is not likely to change.  I feel sorry for my grandaughter because I know a lot of her behaviors stem from actions in that household, and also genetics may play a role.  Her parents are both bipolar, sadly...so it is possible she may be as well, but I am not a doctor, so I cannot diagnose of course...just an observation since I am very familiar with the issues when it comes to that subject.  Blessings to all of you wonderful ladies here.  J


Jane:  If I could wrap you up in a big real hug I would, then we would have a nice cup of coffee.  Just reading your post makes me so proud
of women and the way we cope with impossible situations.  My heart goes out to you, the baby, and all the family for this struggle.
Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift (Eleanor Roosevelt)


Ahhhhh, a nice hug and a lovely cup of coffee...that sounds too lovely!!!!   Life is what we make it right?  I don't recall if I posted that we adopted an adult dog from the animal shelter last month.  She is a gentle soul.  It is hard for adult animals to find forever homes, but they can be a real joy because our little girl is totally potty trained, does not chew on things, and she is a calm cuddly sweetie!  My grandaughter is overjoyed with her!  lol  It is the strangest thing, but even our adopted stray cat we have had for several years gets along beautifully with the dog!  It was meant to be!  Well, time to check on my dear husbands progress...he is cooking a tasty supper on the grill tonite, yummy!  Ta ta for now girls!   J