Wills...what do you do?

[FAFE]

I'm trying very hard to spend what little bit of money we have on US!  We will have some left over from IL's , which will be split between the 3 kids.  As bad as a couple of them are, I have none of the drama (just a little here and there) that a lot of you do.  We have all of our financial ducks in rows, so everything is pretty cut and dried.  We have our DD on our checking accounts simply because if she should need money immediately, she will have access to it.

[Smilesback@u]

Sounds wonderful luise, sharing the love

[Grammie]

I'm new to this forum and I have read some of the stories.  The Will question caught my attention because the Will is one of the first things we addressed when our AS turned against us.  We went to an attorney and removed OS from all POA documents, including Healthcare POA. We set up our Will to bypass OS and distribute his portion of our estate to his two children.  The money stays in a Trust until they reach the age of 28 with no distributions prior to that age.  Our YS and our attorney control the GC's Trust and act jointly as Executor's of the estate.  Insurance policies and investment accounts pay directly to named beneficiaries so I don't believe that those funds would be tied up in the event of a contested Will.  Our attorney told us that anyone can contest a Will but it's difficult to win because you have to prove that the deceased was coerced or incompetent when the Will was drawn up.  Even if we reconcile with our OS we have no intention of putting him back in the Will as long as his wife lives and breathes.  We don't trust either one of them and our DIL will never see a dime of our estate. 

[Pooh]

Welcome Grammie.  Please read the topics under open me first to get the history and rules of the forum.  Nothing wrong with your post, we just ask all new members to do this.

I think what you did was an excellent way to handle it.

[Doe]

Grammie-

I admire your decisiveness!

I figure you can leave it to the other kids and if they think the disaffected son deserves some $$, then they can distribute it, right? 

I love your style and hope you'll stick around and chime in!

[Karenna]

Often the goal of contesting a will is not to win outright.  The disinherited one can delay the distribution of the estate to the heirs, run up attorney's fees, and generally inconvenience the other heirs at a time when they're already grieving.

Sometimes an heir will offer a voluntary settlement just to get the whole painful process over with.   Maybe they won't offer a full share, but think that a few tens of thousands of dollars is a small price to pay to get the suit dropped and restore family harmony.

Or, if the disinherited one feels personally affronted, he may choose to sue in the hopes of draining the estate.  After all, he has nothing to lose, but he can get the satisfaction of denying the "favorite children" their full share, and have the satisfaction of imagining his parents rolling in their graves.

There was a local case here where a couple with three kids lived on a farm that had been in their family for at least 120 years.  They wanted the farm left intact, so they left the farmland to one, the machinery to another, and the contents of the house to the third.  The farmland was worth much more than everything else.  So the son and daughter who didn't get it challenged the estate for years and years.  They also refused to let the first son use the machinery to maintain the farm, and he didn't have enough money to hire equipment.  So he got tenants, but was still losing money every year.  When the estate was finally settled, he had to sell half of the land to cover fees, taxes, penalties, the amount owed on the brother's farm equipment, and so on.  It had cost the brother and sister some money as well, but not as much as it cost him.  And the farm was split after all.

This sort of behavior is why many people advocate (1) the appearance of fairness, and (2) not giving one sibling power over another when the estate is divided.

[Karenna]

And yes, life insurance policies, retirement accouts, and other assets with named beneficiaries can bypass probate in the US.

[Lillycache]

I contested my Father's will when my brother betrayed me.  I was pretty certain that every part of the betrayal was done legally and I would not get a red cent... however I did it for information.  I was not allowed any medical information regarding my father's last few weeks... I sued and got ALL the medical records.   I also wanted to know exactly what $$$ was involved..  I got ALL the answers... PLUS the satisfaction of putting the Estate back in Probate and making Bro sweat a little.   In the end, all it did was cost me money, but I had l the answers and info I wanted.

[Grammie]

Doe,  Thank you for your warm welcome.  We have only two sons.  One that won't speak to us and one who is baffled by his brother's behavior.  We have left no flexibility for distribution of assets so anything YS would share with his brother comes out of his portion of our estate.  I can't see that happening because they were never close growing up and YS is fed up with OS.  If OS son wants money he can ask his children for it since they inherit his portion of the estate.  If OS contests the Will he'll only be hurting his own children.  Most of the funds will pass to YS via beneficiary designation.  We'll mortgage the house to the max and drain the savings to deny OS if we have to.  I am not a happy camper right now!  I can handle OS not speaking to me but refusing to let us see our GC is a different story.  They are the only GC we have.  As far as I'm concerned he got his inheritance a long time ago. We paid his college in full even though he earned good money for three years of college working at a large company through a co-op program.  He invested his earnings and later sold the stock and bought his first house. 

[Pooh]

I guess I just don't get the whole thing and to me, it just shows why the party was disinherited to begin with.  (Not you Lilly, when you are trying to get medical information only).  I'm talking those that don't speak to their parent(s) by their own choice, don't have anything to do with them but EXPECT when they pass to get money or materialistic things.  Guess I'm on the ignorant side, but I have a great relationship with my parents but still don't expect anything.  If they spend it all, so be it..it's theirs to do with what they want...it's not mine. 

[Grammie]

Pooh, it has no logic, makes no sense.  In my case I believe that OS was forced to choose between us and his children.  Before DIL met OS she gave her parents the silent treatment for more than 13 months.  They reconciled only after her parents apologized and agreed that everything had been their fault. Her mother warned me not to cross her or I'd never see my GC.   I didn't get it either.  I do now but it's too late!  It didn't take much to cross her.  It seems I have never done anything right and it took a while to turn our son against us.  He's 38 and we've always had a good relationship with him.  I never in a million years thought he would treat us this way.

[Pooh]

I think people like that, there is no appeasing.  They have already set their minds to who will and will not be included in their life and are just waiting for you to do anything that they can use.

[Karenna]

Pooh,

I think it doesn't have much to do with the money or possessions, per se.  But it's likely very easy to see inheritance as a proxy for affection or regard. In that case, it would be hurtful to see, in print, how little their parents loved or valued them, compared to their siblings.  And the public nature of probate makes it clear to everyone else, too.

Even if there was an estrangement, nobody wants confirmation of how their parents felt about them, you know?

If a sister gets 2/3 of the estate, then it's probably easy to believe that the parents loved her twice as much.  Jealousy leads to spite, which leads to scorched-earth attacks.

I don't think kids have a right to inheritances, but I certainly can understand why disinheritance or unequal inheritance hurts.

[momnomore]

Hi Grammie, I am sorry your going through the pain of not seeing your GC.  Our own daughter won't allow us to see ours.  They are our only GC and we are their only GP.   It hurts to the very core of our being.  I can feel your hurt and anger.  It's been over a year now and I've gone through such a range of emotions, from anger to hurt to confused......you name it.  It's a vicious circle that never seemed to end.  I always ended up at square one again.   I am so thankful to have found this site, WWU.  They helped me to understand we have to take the power back and you can't make sense out of the senseless............and yes it still hurts terrible some days and on those days I spend time on this site.   It's an ongoing struggle, but one that eases with time.  It's a work in progress.  My sister keeps telling me to not let my AC "rent space in my head".  Sending a hug your way.

[luise.volta]

G - Would you consider putting your post up on my other Web-forum which is in it's infancy: www.AgingWithWisdom.com ? I would really appreciate it.