upcoming Mother's Day pity party

[Pen]

Hi, all...those of you with children at home may not need to psych yourselves up for Mother's Day, but I find that I'm repeating the mantra "It's just another day" over and over to help me deal with it. All those smarmy, tear-jerking advertisements in the media are getting on my nerves. My mom passed on 32 years ago; DH's mom passed on 10 years ago. DH doesn't do anything for me since I'm not his mom, nor does he help DD, for whatever reason (she's a disabled adult.) I think DS has learned by example that I don't get a mention on Mother's Day, although DIL's mom gets feted. Yes, I know it's kind of a made up holiday for the greeting card/floral industries, LOL, but it still hurts to be left out after spending a lot of years being a pretty good mom. Thanks for reading my pity party post!

[Orly]

Pen,
Do what I do, (I have clueless men around here too).....Book a spa day, get a hot stone therapeutic massage and a facial.  Relax after with a good book and a glass of wine (or two).

[Pen]

Perfect! I shall do just that. If only DH knew it would be less costly to just buy flowers and grill some salmon, but I'll never tell

[luise.volta]

My son is giving me an super-iPod so I can listen to music in this too-quiet house but I get to go buy myself the speaker-deck for it LOL!

[Hope]

Pen,
Do what I do, (I have clueless men around here too).....Book a spa day, get a hot stone therapeutic massage and a facial.  Relax after with a good book and a glass of wine (or two).

Orly,
What a great idea!  Sounds like the perfect solution and I hope you both enjoy your relaxing day!  Maybe you could ask a friend to go with you and you could have dinner out beforehand.  Make it last the day if you can!  You both deserve a real treat - no kidding!
Hugs, Hope

[elsieshaye]

I have never pressed DS to do anything for mother's day and my birthday because it would have fallen to his father to help him do something, and it was just too much of a hassle.  Now that DS is older, I've told him that I really do enjoy cards, and keep them, so if he would like to do that it would be awesome.  I'm not holding my breath, however, and my plan for both days involves saving up some money and buying myself something completely frivolous.  I used to be somewhat hurt about it too, but there were so many other things to be hurt about, I ended up letting this one go by default, since it was the least important of all the hurtful things.  If that makes any sense.

[Pen]

I think children should learn to think about and honor what other people mean to them, but I'm not going to beg them to do something for  me....that's a bit awkward and self-centered. However, I must admit that it hurts when other mothers (DIL's mom, for example) get a shout-out and I get nothing. There are far bigger problems in the world, I know, but this issue pokes at me all the same around this time of year. Like I said, it's a pity party, not some earth-shattering disaster. I am trying to put it in perspective, and you all help so much.

I'll always take a back seat to DIL's mom, literally and figuratively. That's the way it is; I had no say so in it, don't get to comment, just have to take it and figure out how to be gracious. Mother's Day is just the symbol for my changed relationship with DS and our non-relationship with DIL and her FOO. I miss my son; don't seem to be making much progress with that

Sometimes it's enough to know that I was a good mom, and sometimes, like now when the advertisements are flying fast & furious, it's not. It just got to me yesterday, that's all.

[dirtyglassgrl]

Oh that is so sad!  I know alot of people that do not enjoy Valentine's Day when they are single or do not enjoy Christmas when they do not have visitors.  It makes sense that you are reminded on Mother's Day that your relationship with son is not what you want.  Your feelings are not wrong or bad.  My mom has always been sad on Mother's Day because she was an orphan and my dad never did anything for her that day either.  She spends the day with her girlfriends, they have a tea at someone's house and watch videos of the Beatles.  Can you go to your church that day and as someone to lunch after?  Can you visit a nursing home and maybe do little make overs on some of the ladies?  My mom did that once and she got all the make up from someone that gave her their Avon and Mary Kay samples.  Can you take flowers to the cemetary for your mother and husbands?  Spa days are a great idea too. 
  I have never enjoyed mother's day with my husband to be honest.  He never does anything for me.  My ex was a total jerk and I am glad to be rid of him but he always did big things on that day for me.  And I am let down each year by my husband to be honest.  Also I love my mil, my mom and my ex mil so my mother's day is usually spent running flowers and cards to everyone and being sad too.  I am a mother too, I know my family loves me very much but why can't they take the time that day to show me they apreciate all the ahrd work I put into our home to make it nice for them, all the hard work I put into our yard so they can play outside and all the time I put into my career and education so wecan have money for tvs and computers and vacations.  It is very hurtful to me too

[1Glitterati]

Dh takes the kids to get me a card for Mother's Day.  That's about the extent of what we do here.  I make sure he gets a card from the kids on Father's Day and usually he gets something small that the kids have made.

I do get my m and gm cards for MD and usually a little token.  DH sometimes gets his mom a card.  He's always been hit or miss with that.  He's always been responsible for his side of the family and I've always been responsible for mine.  So, I'd have to say...neither his mom nor his dad has gotten a lot in relation to the days over the years.  It's never seemed as important to him as to me to recognize the days.  I'm not sure what MD and FD were like growing up in his house.

I usually go out with my m and gm for lunch at a Japanese steakhouse.  We've been doing it nearly 20 years now.  Dh is invited, and usually he goes, but sometimes not.  The kids like to go because they like seeing things set on fire and eating with the chopsticks.  I imagine that as they get older they'll start thinking about opting out.

I think it would stink if your kids have always made a big deal out of MD and suddenly don't.

[Pen]

Glitter, it sounds like a lovely time with M & GM. I'm sure they feel honored and loved.

It stinks when people ask what I'm doing for MD, or how was my MD, or they tell me about their wonderful day. I really miss my mom and MIL. Even though I'm capable of buying spa time or some other "self" present on my own, the gift isn't the issue - spending time with my kids or even getting acknowledged by them would be great. I do try to avoid comparing myself to DIL's mom but it hurts to know that she is demanding and scary and gets all the attention, and I demand nothing and get nothing. Kind of backwards from what a lot of posters here say, isn't it?

I love spoiling my DH on father's day, and I love sending my own dad good wishes in a card or gift even though we don't have a great relationship. He's my dad and I'm appreciative of the things he did that were positive. I buy the card that DH sends his dad, but I don't do gifts anymore since he doesn't want presents.

I'm not a big fan of Mother's Day right now

[1Glitterati]

Glitter, it sounds like a lovely time with M & GM. I'm sure they feel honored and loved.

It stinks when people ask what I'm doing for MD, or how was my MD, or they tell me about their wonderful day. I really miss my mom and MIL. Even though I'm capable of buying spa time or some other "self" present on my own, the gift isn't the issue - spending time with my kids or even getting acknowledged by them would be great. I do try to avoid comparing myself to DIL's mom but it hurts to know that she is demanding and scary and gets all the attention, and I demand nothing and get nothing. Kind of backwards from what a lot of posters here say, isn't it?

I love spoiling my DH on father's day, and I love sending my own dad good wishes in a card or gift even though we don't have a great relationship. He's my dad and I'm appreciative of the things he did that were positive. I buy the card that DH sends his dad, but I don't do gifts anymore since he doesn't want presents.

I'm not a big fan of Mother's Day right now

I can see that you wouldn't feel fannish right now.

I don't know how my mil feels about mothers day.  I've never asked.  I'm of the opinion that any type of holiday was never a big deal in my dh's house growing up.  They never make a fuss over anything.  Fine with me...I went to my mom on mothers day and he was free to do whatever he wanted with his.  Which, usually, was nothing.

I always make sure dh has a card and something from the kids for fathers day...heck...our oldest was BORN on fathers day.  It doesn't seem to be a big deal to him.  Sure...he thinks it's cute, but I doubt it'd hurt his feelings if nothing was done.  Just the way he is.

[luise.volta]

I got this great gift (fancy iPod) from my son designated for "the next big holiday" and I wrote..."thanks for the great Mother's Day present!" Then a sort of daughter got me some pants that didn't fit (don't ask) for my birthday and I said that she could use the money for solar lights in my front flower borders "for Mother's Day." I am creating lots of neat stuff! 

[Pen]

You're quite a gal, Luise. Love you!

[cremebrulee]

I think children should learn to think about and honor what other people mean to them, but I'm not going to beg them to do something for  me....that's a bit awkward and self-centered. However, I must admit that it hurts when other mothers (DIL's mom, for example) get a shout-out and I get nothing. There are far bigger problems in the world, I know, but this issue pokes at me all the same around this time of year. Like I said, it's a pity party, not some earth-shattering disaster. I am trying to put it in perspective, and you all help so much.

I'll always take a back seat to DIL's mom, literally and figuratively. That's the way it is; I had no say so in it, don't get to comment, just have to take it and figure out how to be gracious. Mother's Day is just the symbol for my changed relationship with DS and our non-relationship with DIL and her FOO. I miss my son; don't seem to be making much progress with that

Sometimes it's enough to know that I was a good mom, and sometimes, like now when the advertisements are flying fast & furious, it's not. It just got to me yesterday, that's all.

Hi Pen....I'm hugging you, I know how your feel....right after my divorce, do you know what day was really really hard for me?  Valentine's Day...and I don't know why, cuz not even Christmas made me feel badly...?  But Mother's Day, I never made to much to do about...however, my son always remembered to send me a card....I don't know, it just doesn't bother me either way....I'll tell you what else bothers me...and hurts like your feeling now...my birthday....I only had one birthday party in my life, when I think I was 5 years old....

My Girlfriends DIL's are organizing a huge all weekend bash for they're MIL and while I'm so happy for her...really happy...cuz she's going to be so surprised....well, you know....

Hugs....I would definately do what Orley suggested, sounds like a great idea....

Hope you have a great day Pen....schedule something special for you and only you to celebrate...its very important we make things happen....so schedule something you can look forward to....

[Pen]

Thanks, Creme. I don't want to go anywhere the day of MD since DDD will be here and I'll be caring for her, but someday soon I'm heading for the spa We all deserve a some kind treatment, eh? Even if it's from ourselves?