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I Need Support Badly for Scarry Brother/Alzheimer Mom/Adult Children/Anxiety

Started by cdb19, June 11, 2012, 10:04:21 AM

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cdb19

This brother and his wife who I feel and others that they are waiting for my alzheimer mom to die so they can get her assets/money, has caused me many problems since last Friday. I have been talking to the owner of the assisted living mom is in. It is like I am waiting for a Tornado to hit! I did send a certified notorized letter to him saying what must be done since I am power of attorney. One was letting the assisted living/ me know when he plans to fly to this state and schedule appts. with my mom. And did say I also was advised by an attorney which is true. The attorney knows how unstable he is. His wife had him committed years ago after he lost a job and drove by the bosses house for 3 nights wanting to hurt him. Now, I believe he is at this same place, once again unemployed and blaming the loss on me for not signing undated papers to see my dad before he passed. Dad was totalling against this too. He threatened me on the phone when I said NO to unsigned leave papers and the next day broke his arm. My dad even said he probably did that on purpose.  OH I wish my dad were here to take care of this! Do you think my dad watches over me?
So, this brother is not suppose to call me, email me etc. I get a voicemail Friday...not a nice one from him. He signed the certified card with his name and put POA after....he is not that. He called me POA...extremely rude on the phone and basically said he would do what he wanted when he wanted. I went to 2 police stations. One in my town and one in my mom's town. It was not enough for harassment, but they put his name on the computer since he may be here for my aunts 80ths birthday on June 30th. He NEVER mentioned my mom or seeing her. It is all about him.
I hate that my grown kids and their families and I am not going to her birthday open house,,just 2 hours. She will have a huge turnout. My son's godparents will be there too from out of state. But, I feel it is best not to provoke anything and he would or is planning to make a scene,, if that is when he is coming. I emailed my aunt and told her we couldn't make it. She may know he is coming too, but wouldn't tell me.
She was married to my dad's brother. My brother and his wife never had a relationship with her like my mom/dad and I!!! But she and another aunt say they want to be neutral since his outragous behaviour at my dad's funeral.
I wish I had my family back. This brother and his wife only came if my dad payed to fly them out. They make a huge income and spend it all since they were married 25 years ago. My brother has told such lies about me since my dad died to any relative he can. He even got my dad's 2 brothers to help find him an attorney during the time they flew here for my dad's funeral, convincing them I was doing things wrong and keeping things from him. He uses that college degree he has in drama. And my dad revealed to many before he passed how my brother was a theif, liar, perpetrator etc.
So why do I feel that I want my family back when He never was nice to me? My other brother has been estranged now for almost 10 years. They both teamed up ( I found out the day my dad died) before my dad died to try to get dad's assets and control over mom. Boy has this attorney made lots of money!
I don't have much support from spouse or kids/emotional etc. 
The owner can and will call the police if he makes a scene etc. My mom doesn't know him at all.
I am saddened too because there is no way I can have a public funeral for my mom when she passes due to this brother. He was bad enough at my dad's funeral. I have suffered enough and been through enough already. My mom would be furious!
Miss Polyanna here, me,  wishes things could be so easy.
I never thought this could be so hard.
And he left the voicemail without even calling! I guess you can just send a voicemail. HE did say his name though. But, again he is in another state.
I will check my email now to see if the attorney has sent me any emails he was sent by this brother. And I am trying to finish the estate and this brother got the papers of financial of my dad's too. So he is able to call the attorney with any questions. More MONEY!!! from my mom that she needs to pay for her assisted living/medications etc.
I wish I had my mom and dad to help me. And this all brings up the horrible memories of what I went through the month my dad was in the hospital before he passed on and just me by his side!
cdb

Pen

Cdb, I am so sorry you are going through all of this still. You deserve support, peace, love...I hope you can find a way to bring those things into your life even if those around you aren't giving them to you.

I had to modify one little word of your post, sorry :(
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb

Footloose

Do u have a restraining order on bro?  I'd have one!  Ask the atty if it would include him staying away from the funeral as you will be there?  I hate that u of all must miss it!  Very sad and my heart goes out to you!  Hugs! <3

cdb19

I am trying to get support here at WWU. Love and Peace, working on it, but it is a daily battle. I don't feel loved anymore since my dad passed and my mom got alzheimers. I feel so loved by my grandchildren. I joined the site due to the problems with that. My dad saw how hurt I was and said I was being abused by not getting to see them and that started 2 years ago.
There is no funeral now, Footloose. My mom is still alive, but I have had to plan for when she passes on due to this brother. We will have a memorial later. Both brothers tried to make it so she can't get buried with my dad! I am still in shock over that one.
I hope people aren't sick of me already. I am trying to move foreward.
I just feel so all alone.
cdb

luise.volta

cdb - One of the goals of this Website is for us not to feel entirely alone...but/and it's still 'virtual' support, I know. You are going to move forward, dear one. We all have different time tables. Sending love...
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Elise

cdb - I am so sorry to read you are struggling with all these problems.   It appears you have put proper notice to protect your mom where she is living. So many here have reinforced I can only control me, my thoughts and actions. Not engaging with hateful people sounds like a good step - even if it means missing your aunts celebration. Try to not think about what you will miss. Hoping for  peaceful rest for you tonight.

Pen

Thinking of you, Cdb. I think not engaging is a great way to go. It's not easy at first, but when the pain lessens - bliss!
Respect ... is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.
-- Annie Gottlieb