He's graduating tomorrow........I think.

[constantmargaret]

My son is graduating High School tomorrow. That is, if he completed all his incompletes I read about in the notices the school sent me. I guess they didn't get the memo that I'm not invited. Don't they know that I don't deserve to go? Yeesh, they should get with the program.

Most days I do ok with all this. My DS is still a kid. But when I drove past the school and saw the announcement that graduation was tomorrow, I admit I got a little sniffley.

Also, I manage to put it (son not speaking to me) out of my head during the day, but I find it's creeping into my dreams. Phooey! I've had several dreams lately about him. As a little kid, as a big kid, as a man in the future.Then I wake up in a sad or foul mood.  It's like this estrangement has a life of its own and there's no place to hide.

Not sure why I'm posting. Just feeling down, I guess. My other kids will all go to the graduation, I suppose. Wonder how my DS will feel knowing I'm not there because he told me not to come. I wonder if anyone else will notice my DS's mother didn't attend his graduation.

Oh well, I'm going to watch my GS tomorrow, so I won't have too much time to feel sorry for myself. I'm being proactive and puling now.

[luise.volta]

I often think of that kind of post as an 'Is anyone out there?' message. Yes, we're here and we care. You aren't alone with the sadness...you have your extended family and we are with you. Sending love...

[Elise]

It will be good to have your gs tomorrow.  I was thinking of you and wondering when the graduation was, so am glad you came here to let us know.  Those nights are so hard sometimes. Don't know if it will help to tell you sometimes I get through difficult days like Xmas, or whatever, by reminding myself it will be over in 24 hours. As Louise says we are here and we care about you.

[firelight]

constantmargaret,

big hugs for you today, sister.  We are with you in heart and thoughts.  Not sure if you plan on sending a graduation gift?  I know some don't think so since no invite received.  I was just wondering if you had plans for it out of curiosity since all our views are respectfully different. 

Enjoy your grandson today whom you have been blessed with.  I'm getting my granddaughter today for a sleepover and looking forward to it. 

[constantmargaret]

Thank you, ladies. It is a comfort to have you all.

My DS's last note to me said something along the lines of telling me not to contact him or come near him and do not come to the graduation. I think that's pretty clear that a gift is not expected or wanted.

I will have to see him at his brother's wedding in August, but I won't let it ruin my day.

Crazy making stuff. Sigh.

[luise.volta]

Good for you for not giving him the power to ruin the wedding for you in August. Why not do something really special today to celebrate the fact that you did your best and that was pretty darn good! Treat yourself with the deepest respect because you deserve it and you earned it times 10! Sedning love...

[Doe]

Don't you just want to slap him?

Maybe you should write him a note telling him not to contact you!  How presumptuous of him to think that you would want to attend that graduation. 

I was so put out with my juvenile delinquent son when he graduated that I had to be talked into going by my DH and his brother.   When we got there,  the parents were asked to go on stage and gush about the kids - tiny school.  I about choked and made my husband do the talking. He said something to the effect of He's Full of Surprises - Keeps Us On Our Toes.  It was something to get through for me, not enjoyable.

Sometimes I think there is something to voodoo dolls.

[Keys Girl]

Margaret, when I wasn't invited to my son's wedding, I consoled myself with the memories of the all of the life events that I had been there for him in the previous decades. 

Good for you for finding a way to have some joy on a day when your son has been so nasty. 

A gift? are you kidding? you gave him enough gifts along the way, and I'm not sure how he's sending you notes, but I would put a stop to it.  I wouldn't want any more notes that tell me where I'm not welcome.

It's all part of the power play that some in this generation are using as a way of punishing their parents for whatever. 

Hang in there,
KG

[constantmargaret]

I just realized that the invitation to babysit my GS was so that his father, my other DS,  could attend YDS's graduation dinner at a nearby restaurant.

I'm not sure if it is a consolation prize or a booby prize.

..."here, wanna watch GS while I go to your other son's celebration? You ain't invited........"

KG, no chance of getting any more messages from him. I'll delete or burn any more if they come.

Wow. Family is overrated.

[Keys Girl]

Ohh, I don't like the sounds of that........you aren't invited to the event but they will save money on a babysitter by having you baby sit the GS and give you the short end of the stick at the same time?  If you allow them to treat you that way, it will continue.

I think it depends on how much you want to continue to see the GS.  This is really insulting behaviour and because I don't have a grandchild I can't relate to it, but I wouldn't make it convenient to be used as a freebie babysitter while being shut out of the event, because there is a certain amount of precedent being set here which will likely be used again.  It's the old GS as a hostage routine.  I hope there is a special place in the hereafter for these people.

You are absolutely right, family is way overrated. 

[lancaster lady]

Just rise above it and enjoy your GS .Make sure you have a great time and ignore whatever
is going on without you ....you and GS will have fun together , small kids don't have any agendas
they just love the one they're with .....

[Lillycache]

I'm so sorry CM... How painful it must be.   But you do get to have a good time with your GS.  That's a plus.  I was fortunate to be able to attend all the graduations and special times.  It wasn't until DIL decided that I was an outcast that I started missing things.  Like my GS's first birthday, and my DS's 40th birthday party... and my oldest GS's first communion.   I doubt that I will be able to attend any event in the future, but I take heart in the memories of the special times past, and try hard not to dwell on what I have missed and will be missing.

[Ruth]

Oh Margaret, I am so very sorry.  I remember what the band concert was like for you.  I know this has been a hard ordeal, but his high school days are at least drawing to a close, and this means he will begin to mature and learn to think for himself.  You have to wait, and give him time.  There will come a time that a door will open, and you'll go through it.  I remember I did go to my DS graduation (HS) and stood on the sidelines.  He hardly looked at me at all.  It was as painful to be there as it was to have not been.   I don't think there's anything that can be done when the estrangement is in this phase, it has to run its course.  I beat my head against a wall for years, trying to get the right message to DS, to give the right gift, to do the right thing, nothing nothing would make any difference.  I am now confident that I know the reason for the estrangement, and why all those overtures didn't improve the situation, but this hasn't made it hurt any less. 

[constantmargaret]

Life is so ironic sometimes. Everything my DS denied me today was more than made up for by my little 2 year old GS. I wish I could somehow share the sweetness of it with you all.

We went for a bike ride, went for a walk, picked flowers, played Bop-it, rang the wind chimes and sang his favorite song, Baby Face. I dare say I enjoyed my day more than if I had attended the graduation. I've been to my other 5 kids' so I know what I was missing.

Between him and you dear ladies, I feel pretty special. Thank you so much for your kind words and for caring. I will survive until the next event.

[SusieQ123]

CM, Good for you!  For about 7 years, my GS visited me (I refuse to say babysit) one night every other weekend. My policy was to always welcome him into my home with open arms every chance I got.   I know I was being used and my DS & DIL didn't treat me much better than they would the pizza delivery boy.  I cherish every minute I spent with DGS.   He brought true joy into my life and as long as I have a memory, no one can ever  take it away.     

I hope you will have many joyous times with your DGS!  BTW, my GS is now 10 and he's kinda over the grandma thing, but it sure was fun while it lasted.